ruminative (adj.) - thinking carefully and deeply about something.
➵ an assassination classroom one shot book that would make your heart melt with admiration.
➵ includes: nagisa, karma, isogai, maehara, gakushuu, itona, ryunosuke, sugino, ren, koro...
Human! Koro-sensei X Reader (This is the time where Koro-sensei was still an assassin, okay?)
Requested by ArtistKittyLiz (December 17, 2017) [Hi! Sorry for making this a little angsty even though you told me not to make it like that—]
This was supposed to be posted on February 14, but I became so busy. ;-;
——-
The sad thing about your body is
It's weak, fragile, and it breaks apart into pieces
The only certain thing that kept me satisfied was
The fact that you belong to me
——-
Reader's Point of View
Sadness had always been a part of my everyday life. Waking up to the same scenario every morning, doing on repeat the things in school, sleeping, eating, pretending to have fun, all of those was on a cycle that it made it everything completely dull. It was empty, but it was sucking like a black hole. It was nothing, but it was too much to bear. My thoughts go dimmer and dimmer and my perspective about the lives of people are getting too edgy— cheap and worthless.
Everything became black and white. I could see them cheerfully playing around, looking all giddy and excited, and in the next second, their eyes are filled with all the shades of gray. It was so hollow that it became frightening. The feeling of watching a glitching tv, that's how it felt. How the television malfunctions represents ourselves as we fight our own sanity.
It was like my heart was crashed by millions of ships found in the largest ocean in this world. My chest is slowly and painfully trying to suffocate me in the best way possible it could think of. My orbs was now lacking in fulfillment, everything seemed to stop. Determination was gone. Motivation was nowhere to be found. One by one, anything I saw became useless, even myself.
It was like whatever you do, you can never achieve what you want. Because in the first place, you don't know what you crave to get. Because I am useless. I am a person but I am devoid of life. I'm so foolish to even think that I have a career that I want to take for future— if there would be— purposes.
I have no dreams. I have no reason to live. What's the intent of continuing where there isn't something that keeps you motivated? You can never make yourself contented! Accept the truth. People are made because of greed. Greed is pumping through our veins. Envy is running through our blood. We are made because we are broken.
Broken. We are born broken. It was our fate to be like this. Blame God, whoever that person is. If God was really true, then why couldn't he help his family who suffers from complete isolation and depression? If he truly cared, why would suicide even exist in this unfair universe? If he truly loved us, why would he let us suffer for years just for searching the objective that we have for the rest of our time? Don't you think it's pathetic? We believe in those people who hasn't done anything for us. Yet, we still pray to this "God" that someday everything would be better! But, it's not. He won't hear your wishes. He would just slap it away with ignorance and give you a devilish chuckle on how desperate you look like.
No one will save you from this land other than yourself. Save yourself, love yourself. They always said that, but they never made it possible. In this place filled with negativity, you could never expect someone to love themselves. You can't appreciate yourself when you see other people being so successful in their paths. You can't accept yourself if you keep seeing others wanting more.
In the end, sadness will remain forever. This melancholy that I'm feeling will never pass away. It's etched in my skin, like a tattoo.
So long story short, if you don't have a mission or a priority in this environment that we breathe in, why don't you just kill yourself? If you can't find your worth, then what's the point of continuing?
"So, stalker, why don't you end me?" I made myself walk towards a narrow hallway in the streets, purely dark because the light posts were flicking. I then looked back and saw a tall figure in the shadows. The way he lurks is evident how much he is a professional.
"You noticed me ever since you got lost in your thoughts, but why did you bring me here?" I knew that this was idiotic from the very start. I knew that someone was following me, but I just made myself get baited.
But looking back from the past, my life is not even worth living. "Because I want you to kill me. Based on your dead orbs that keeps on piercing into my eyes, it says that you are ruthless. And I have this gut feeling that you are an assassin since a killer moves recklessly, but you're different. You think first before you act, and your moves are so hard to predict."
"You say so?" His expression seemed to lighten, probably because he became amused with my responses.
"Just take a good look at yourself." His black hair was unique, the jet black strands going through up until his nose. His facial features are kept hidden by his locks, but it was see through that he was kinda attractive.
"I won't kill you then." Even it was so dark, I could see a glimpse of him, grinning lightly.
I huffed my voice in disappointment as I told him, "Why not?"
I was prepared for my death.
"It's truly a gift to recognize a killer just by a gaze." He praised me with a bow, and he started to go closer to me. His footsteps echoed through the place and this made my heart beat irregularly.
His figure came out in the light post that was keeping our distance from each other. He's now seen wearing an all black clothing.
"And, one more thing. The way your eyes shimmered through the night, it is indeed that you are worth keeping." As he was so visible to my eyes, he seemed to glow in happiness and sadness, that it made me confused.
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"Because every broken people are special." As he smiled warmly after saying his statement, my world seemed to stop from rotating. His words gently sunk in my mind, and I could feel my body slightly shaking.
The light post suddenly turned off, and as it lit up again, I was left alone. I tried to look for him by running from every direction, but there were no signs of him.
Even before I could reply, he simply vanished from my sight in an instant.
I put my hand on my lips and realized that there was a smile that formed before he flew away.
