ruminative ; assassination classroom oneshots

ryunosuke & reader | dear diary

hi! i can't believe i'm doing a one shot in a first person perspective. i almost forgot how to do it lmao.

now serving, ryunosuke chiba!~

——-

Actually, I'm still a little worried

I'm standing in between the cold sneer and the loneliness

Nobody can understand

But it's you

Your existence changes my world like magic

I'm not in pain anymore

——-

First Person's Point of View

Dear Diary,

I honestly never knew that telling my unwanted attraction to my best friend would end up this way. It's twisted, fucked up, it hurts, so, so bad. I thought it was for the best, but I guess I should've kept everything to myself and tried to forget about it. It was a huge disaster and I couldn't even fix it anymore.

I'm really sorry for making things awkward, Chiba-kun. I really am. I think that you would fully avoid me for my confession, and maybe, just maybe, it would be a benefit for each other. You'll let me move on, and you would just come back when the feelings are gone.

It was that night, that very freaking night. When the stars were completely seen, illuminating the lifeless black sky, where the crickets were echoing in the tropical distance, the whole atmosphere giving off a chilly vibe that pictured or represented home.

I had a wonderful dinner and spent time bonding with Nakamura-chan plus her family, and Ryunosuke Chiba, the guy who we are talking about today, decided to chat me and told me that he would pick me up, and lead me home safely.

But, before we go there, I would like to talk about the past. Where the emotions started, where everything that I had bloomed just for him. Last 4 years ago, when I first attended Kunugigaoka Junior High School, my eyes instantly landed on him. His jet black hair, his awkward silence in the room, his existence. He had that charm that made everyone stare at his features and be interested about his mysterious character. It was love at first sight. It was corny and cheesy, but indeed, I was sure that I'm going to have a little crush on him.

That emotions suddenly went away when I was told that he was already seeing another girl, Rinka Hayami. So, I instantaneously backed away, being the supportive and great acquaintance I am, and just made him my best friend, which the two of us are today.

He made me happy, made me laugh, cry, sad, and all of those moods that every girl would have. He was that man. My ideal man. It didn't fit the concept to other people, but for me, he completed the hole that I had in my chest. He was the one. That one.

Knowing that I was completely attached to my soulmate (in a friendly way, of course), I started to become like a balloon that with every pump, it could explode.

In short, I realized that I couldn't handle it anymore. My feelings for him were too strong for me to bear, so I decided that I would admit everything and let the sea flow, determining my fate afterwards.

Building up the courage that I have, I approached him that night. He wanted to walk home together, so being the jolly person like how I was used to, I put my arms all over his shoulders, shouting, "Hey, Chiba-kun! How are you? We're going home together!"

Then, the time came. When we're already in front of my house, it felt awkward. The silence spreading all throughout the street. I gently removed my arms around him and composed myself in front of him. "There's just something that I wanted to tell you, for a long, long time. I just hope that you won't get shocked or react in a negative way."

"What is it? Are you okay?"

His voice was soft, almost soothing my mind to calm myself. He showed me concern, and it gave me a little bit of hope that he would understand.

Maybe he would.

"I-I love you."

His body stiffened at my answer and asked, obviously bewildered, "Are you serious about this?"

"You just had it in me. It was like the demons inside me whispered and told me to offer my heart to you. It suddenly came, I couldn't control it no matter what I did. You were too damn alluring to my soul."

I confessed to him how much affection I have for his entirety, but look at what we are today.

It's a big loss for everyone who lowkey shipped us together.

It definitely was a wrong move. If I was given the chance to repeat that day again, I would've just fixed my shitty self and held myself tighter, handled my emotions better.

But, there's no turning back anymore. What's done has been done and there's no way to remove it and act like nothing happened.

Look at the effects of this, just because of my stupidity.

We act like we don't know each other anymore. Depressing, I know. He would walk past me and ignore me, even if I shouted his name, enough for others to hear.

We ghost each other in the school corridors, even at classes. If I ask him for school materials, he would still give it, but he wouldn't even spare a single second of glancing at me.

Even if our friends point out if there's something wrong between us, he would just walk away and ignore them like he didn't hear anything.

If there's a group project or some sort, he would just do it individually, and include me in the final product.

Just because of these god forsaken fucking feelings, we became apart from each other.

Everything was ruined. I'm back to square one. Well, what do you guys expect? That he would like me back? Tch. Such a nice scenario, but sadly, it never happened.

"But, Y/N, you do know that I have feelings for her, right? You told me that you supported our relationship."

Well, it hurts. It hurts to the core.

>>>>>

this one shot is based from my experience (lol just joking my crush doesn't have a girl rn)

but to all people out there who's secretly in love with their best friend, i think it's better to tell them rather than keeping everything inside. :)

heh. that's all for today!

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see you in the next update!

oh btw, the next update is a lemon ;)