Endlessly...

Chapter 1 - Olivia

"Thank you....thank you for teaching me how to love, Lucas," Olivia whispered as she kissed her fiance on the cheek goodbye.

Lucas had been her one and only since she was 17 years old. They grew up together. They experienced fame and all its glory and scrutiny together. They met on the set of her television show, went on tour together, she was madly in love with him -- but so was every other teenage girl at the time. He was deeply in love with her, but so was every other teenage boy. He cheated on her and it was made public but she loved him enough to try again and they ended up engaged and happy for five more years. They were good. They made a home together. They had fur babies together. They knew each other.

Lucas proposed with this grand gesture in front of all their friends and family. But that was a year ago and no gears were set in motion for a "LIVCUS" wedding as every celebrity gossip monger called it. Olivia wasn't putting it off, but she wasn't picking out China patterns for the reception either. Lucas was spending more and more time away from their home and more time with all of his single buddies.

"Marriage just felt like the next thing for us to do..." Lucas confided to his younger brother, Nick.

"She kissed me goodbye, thanked me, and left," he said with tears falling from his eyes.

"Where did she go? She didn't say anything about where she was going?" Nick asked his heartbroken brother.

Nick and Olivia were like twins separated at birth. If it wasn't for Nick, Lucas and Olivia would have never confronted each other about their feelings that one sound check during their first tour together. Nick wanted to find his best friend and comfort her because he knew, he knew she wasn't okay, she was far from being okay, but Nick knew he also had to be there for his brother.

"She didn't say anything about where she was going. She left the ring...she just left it right in front of me." Lucas stared at the giant diamond ring he remembered picking out and having designed to reflect the love of his life...he was 23.

"I think we're really done, man. Am I fucked up for feeling a little relieved?" Lucas cried some more.

"I don't know, dude. Neither of you were really ready to get married, it's been a year," Nick apprehensively said.

"I need to move my stuff out." Lucas said and he got up and poured himself a drink.

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I have to get out of here. I can't breathe. Oh my god. What have I done? Where am I gonna go? I don't even have my license. The dogs. I can't just leave the dogs. He won't just leave them, right? I can't breathe. I need air. Am I having an anxiety attack, is this what those feel like? Should I go to the hospital? The whole world is gonna find out and think I'm a failure. I failed a marriage that hadn't even started yet. Shann, I gotta get to Shann.

I let myself into Shann's house. I don't know how I even got to her house, must have been autopilot. I just needed her. I needed my best friend because I just ended my engagement and my relationship to the only other person I have ever loved.

Shann isn't home but I called her and she's on her way from set. I feel stupid asking her to halt production just for me but I don't know what else to do. I feel like I can't breathe, I can't feel my limbs...this has to be anxiety attack.

"He didn't do anything! He didn't hurt me. He didn't cheat. I just...I just knew it was time," I cried.

"So that's it. You guys are done? No hard feelings? Just like that?" Shann asked.

"Yeah, I think so. I don't know. I just left. I didn't know what else to do. I love him, just not the same as when I was 17. I said 'yes' because it was the next step and I think that's why he asked too, but neither of us were ready. I'm not ready, Shann." I stared blankly out her living room window.

Shann held me as  I cried for what felt like a lifetime the rest of the day and well into the night. We met at some random Hollywood party, we bonded over some disgusting peach cocktail and we've called each other "Peaches" since then. There's your Hollywood friends and your non-Hollywood friends, and she's gotta be one of my best friends from both worlds. But not even my best friend from both of my worlds could help me deal with this.

"There's Tylenol and water on the nightstand. Put the cold compress on your eyes too!" Shann shouted from the bathroom.

I felt exhausted and I had a pounding headache. I popped open the Tylenol and drank the entire bottle of water.

Shann crawled back into bed and gave me a kiss on the head, gently placed the cold compress over my eyes and said, "stay with me as long as you need. You know I'm here for you right?"

"Shann, I need to get outta LA. I can't. I haven't even looked at my phone and I already know it's blowing up. I think I'm gonna call Angie and have her get some stuff from home..." I started to say.

Tears were rolling down my cheek, god, how can I still be crying? I know it's irresponsible but I need to get out of here. I need to get out of LA before news breaks about me and Lucas, god I can't believe I left him after almost 10 years together, he must be so hurt. But I had to do this, it's what's best for the both of us. Lucas is too much of a gentleman to do what I did.

To: Mom, Dad, Kevin, & Lee

I broke up with Lucas. He didn't do anything wrong.

I just did what I needed to do.

I'm at the airport on my way to London.

I love you guys. Call when I'm ready.