Endlessly...

Chapter 6 - Olivia

Last leg of the tour. Last 10 cities. I can do this. I'm so tired...I'm so homesick. I feel so alone. I can do this! Shake it off! People would kill to be doing what I get to do every night. Stop sounding so ungrateful, Liv! You're lucky to get to do this. Remember that.

"GREAT SHOW TONIGHT, EVERYONE! WE FUCKING KILLED IT!" I shouted to the dressing room full of people -- bandmates, backup singers, dancers, crew, Lee, Angie, and Abby.

My eyes locked onto her, she looks so happy! Her smile always fills me up. We all rose our cups in the air, all filled with various types and amounts of alcoholic beverages...mine was filled with whiskey, more than I care to show anyone.

"WE ALL THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE A TOUGH CROWD. WE DIDN'T THINK WE'D FILL THE VENUE BUT WE FUCKING DID! AND TO ABBY! ANOTHER SUCCESSFUL OPENING!!! ANOTHER PERFECT EXPERIENCE! TO THE NEXT ONE!!!" I shouted over everyone.

I jumped down from the couch and landed in Lee's arms. He had missed the last leg of the tour and that messed with my anxiety a bit, but Angie is always a good rock to have and re-center me. He's back for the last leg and doing makeup for the show.

"Fam, your cup is full...what the hell?!" he nervously laughed and took my red solo cup.

"I wasn't gonna drink the whole thing, kuya*! Relax." I insisted.

"Ano ba? Sobra ka na! Lagi ka lasing pag ka tapos...(What's this? You're too much! You're always drunk after...) Lee said frustrated.

Uh oh...he's yelling at me in tagalog, he's mad. It's just been really hard to fall asleep after a show...or lately...since I found out Lucas was dating already, maybe.

"Okay...I'm done. I'm done for the night..." I said to Lee.

"Can you get the car, Angie?" I asked.

*Kuya: word in tagalog for older brother/cousin/friend, as a sign of respect.

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Back at the hotel. It's nearly 2 am and I'm wide awake. Everyone would have gone to bed already. I've been writing and composing a lot during this tour, it's just a lot of melodies and lyrics here and there, I usually work on my music to help me wind down and fall asleep but it just hasn't cut it lately. I walk to the door of my adjoining room...Abby is next door. I tiptoed into her room, she's already asleep but she has been crying, she doesn't think I can hear her but I do. She cries herself to sleep almost every night, sometimes she even cries in her sleep. Tonight was one of those nights.

She's asleep but she's crying...she's whimpering a bit. I climb into her bed and hold her until she stops.

"Ssssshhh...it's okay, munch," I whispered and kissed her on the head.

"He's okay now. It wasn't your fault," I say and tears fall from my eyes.

I hate seeing her in so much pain. At least, with her on tour with me, I can keep an eye on her. After Abby's first night on tour I could hear her crying from my room, I've spent every night waiting for her to fall asleep crying and then making my way to her room to comfort her. It's become a nightly thing.

I watched as Abby's face grew less and less tense and more relaxed. She's beautiful. Her chestnut brown hair and her strong brows. Those lashes, when she bats her eyes, I swear she could fly away if she wanted. She's petite but in good shape. She's swimming in this giant bed and comforter. I continue to hold her, matching my breath with hers. Inhale...exhale...inhale...exhale. My eyes finally start to feel heavy. Before my eyes finally close I look at Abby's lips, they look so soft....wait, what?

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We have the day off...finally! And in Amsterdam of all places. One of my top 10 favorite cities! I've been several times before and I can't wait for everyone to experience it as well!