Endlessly...

Chapter 58 - Olivia

"My stress is at an all time hiiiiiigh," I sing into the mic in the studio lot of Universal where all acts for DSMN can use to rehearse. All of us are hysterically delusional. We're two weeks away from DSMN and all my focus and attention is on this show, it honestly feels like the first time all over again — the nerves, the uncertainty, the overall fear of failure and criticism...all of it.

"Break it down now..." there's literally nothing left for me to do than to dance it out with Julia because I feel like if I sit still long enough or think about it for more than a minute I'll break down and cry from all the overwhelming, roller coaster of emotions. Julia plays one of the songs that we both know full choreography to from our dance classes that we take as a workout — this makes for great BTS for the video release of the show on Netflix.

This is the first time the band and I are performing together. Together we're doing the entire setlist. There's no better time than right now to test to see if we have each other's back. "Rehearsals have been going fucking great, right?" Fabian asks me taking a big drink of water as I reply to an email with one hand and swing the mic stand back and forth with my foot and catching it with my free hand.

Fabian isn't wrong, the four of us have undeniable chemistry and it translates when we play but I'm just slightly worried that when the time comes — when we're in front of thousands and thousands of people things might not go as swimmingly as I like. It's one thing to play together it's another to play for the masses.

"Olivia, come on...you know we're doing amazing! This is what we do, it's what we're all good at. We're not gonna choke," Fabian reassures me, if he can tell what I'm worried about then he's right. We got this.

"Yeah, you're right. I'm just nervous," I stop swinging my mic stand wrapped in scarves from my fans. "This whole show is putting me over the edge because it's new — all of it. Every part of the show is new, including us," I blurt out rubbing my face. "We got this, you gotta trust us like we trusted you with all — of — this," he pointed at the entire studio filled with the rest of our band, dancers, tech people...everyone working really hard on this show.

I nod in agreement ready to completely kick ass with my badass band, "let's do I Want to Break Free!" I request but my excitement it cut off by Julia, "uhhhh let's just start from the top? Like run the whole set list together?" She tries to assert. "Uh, okay, weirdo..." I shrug and we run the set from beginning to end perfectly!"

It's almost 3 AM when I get home, so late that the dogs don't even get up to greet me. I clumsily make my way up stairs in the dark, "ow, fuck!" I obviously miss the last step of the stairs and fall on my knees. I creep quietly into my bedroom, trying my best not to make too much noise and wake my sleeping lump of girlfriend.

I'm exhausted, I don't bother changing into my pajamas even though tonight would be the best night since sleeping Abby won't try and snake them off in her sleep. I manage to leave my clothes in a pool on the floor, pull out the makeup wipes from Abby's bedside table and wipe away whatever makeup I have left after my 20 hour day. I finally climb into bed and wrap my arms around my lady who has the warmth of sleep all over her naked body. I snuggle up behind her and breathe her in, "mmmm."

"Liv?" She musters up moving herself to mold herself against my body as my little spoon. "I missed you, munchkin," I kiss her on the head falling asleep the second my body lay still next to my sweet, sweet lady.

My alarm goes off and it feels like I haven't even slept, like I just got home and closed my eyes. "Turn it off," Abby groans rolling on top of me to get my alarm. "No...I have to workout," I mumble with Abby's hair in my face and her crushing me. "No, sleep in you only got home a couple hours ago," Abby quietly says wrapping her arms around me and nestling her head in the crook of my neck, her naked body pressed against mine.