Chapter 39 - Who to Trust

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After Dad comes in my room to talk about how the birds and the bees aren't even an option in this house—or anywhere else we might try to "pollinate"—I stay up all night considering what to do... Not about the birds and the bees of course! But about my actual problems.

Mixed in with flashbacks of Carson's eyes on me, hands on me, lips on me, I try to focus on the fact that not even he is someone I can trust right now to tell me the truth. I don't doubt his loyalty, or his feelings, but I do doubt the story he and his brothers are telling me. There are too many loose ends when it comes to the "Silvermoon Pack," and not enough for me to go on in figuring it out.

I still don't know what happened at the border, and even if I did, that still wouldn't explain whether or not "my" pack did the wrong thing—or if they would continue to do it. That thought has me tossing and turning in my bed, staring up at the ceiling. Why? Because every sensible person knows that there's a side to every story, whether we'd like to believe it or not.

That includes the Bloodmoon and Dawn Packs.

Now don't get me wrong! I don't doubt that they're evil—they've only been trying to kidnap me for weeks!—but that doesn't mean they don't have a logical reason as to why. And it definitely doesn't make my pack automatically innocent.

If there's anything I know about the Silvermoon Pack, it's that it's full of a bunch of shitheads. Most of them are mean and nasty, judgemental and rude, and they always look out for themselves first, foremost, and only (which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but still). How do I know they haven't done something to the Bloodmoon Pack's luna? That could be why that pack wants to come after me.

... Okay, maybe not, but that's the thing. It could be and I have no way of finding out, because everything I know is something that's been taught to me by the very people who I'm now questioning. For all I know, everything I know about werewolves, the Silvermoon Pack, and our apparent "enemies," could all be a lie... That would be worse than the Hans reveal in Frozen, omg.

I don't think I could handle it. I need to know the truth now, but how?

I consider my options. If the brothers can't be trusted, it's gotta be the betas that tell me. They're the only werewolves in town who I know for a fact don't want me dead, but at the same time... Brittany and Krys can't hold water. Or rather, they won't. As far as I'm concerned, they seem to agree with the brothers that the less I know the better.

Same goes for Onai. I can trust him to be honest enough, if he hasn't been told to tell me otherwise. But knowing Axel... he's probably been told to tell me otherwise.

That means my only option left in the world is Ethel.

Hm... I roll onto my side. I consider it for a second, and although he wasn't my first, second, or third choice, he might be the best choice after all. He's proven on numerous occasions that he can disobey orders in the name of honesty. The only question left is... when exactly does his watch start?

I sigh, rubbing my forehead, regretting not getting the information sooner. I know it's crazy to try to talk to Ethel right now, like... right now, but I can't ask him in the middle of school with all those prying eyes—and ears, and it's not like I have his number, so this is the only time I have to talk to him in private, with him standing guard outside my house.

But it's so risky!

I run my fingers through my hair, sitting up. If I go out at the wrong time, I'll risk running into one of the other betas and then game over. That's it. There's no possible explanation as to why I'm talking to Ethel alone in the middle of the night outside my house in the dark with no one else around. That's just sketchy.

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