Our Year (Completed)

Chapter Thirty Two

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Jason POV:

     I said the three word I have feared the most, I love you. God. I'm so ridicules! Who fears words?! Those words even!

I was scared. I'm even scared now. I've never said those three little words to any woman who wasn't close family but, now I have. I've fućked up a lot in my life and in the time I've known Serena, she doesn't deserve this shït or having to put up with me but she has. Shes had to put up with me longer then she probably wanted.

If I couldn't be with Serena I have to be in our daughters life. Even that I don't fücking deserve!

As I passed by many bars on my journey home, I was more then tempted to stop and have a few drinks. But I didn't stop, I kept going. I kept on driving until I got to the gates of my house. Once I was cleared to go in, I drove up the drive way and parked my car.

Walking, I went inside and locked the doors. I went up the stairs to what used to be Serena's room and took it all in. The woman I was in love with once slept in the bed, did her makeup at the vanity, got dressed in that closet. I also threw a bag of pregnancy tests at her on that bed. She didn't do a single fūcking thing to deserve that.

All I can wish for is that I had been nicer to her, told her I loved her earlier, held her longer, kissed her more. Fücked her more. I royally fućked up this time. This is something mom or dad can fix, this problem can't go away because of money.

My daughter may grow up without me if I don't fix my royal fùck up on my own. I may never get to hold Serena again.

I sat down on the end of the bed and ran my hand through my hair.

I don't know what to do. I took out my phone and asked Joe to come over.

Looking around Serena's old room one more time, I close the door and head downstairs where I pour myself a glass of scotch and wait for Joe.

Joe eventually got there and we were sitting having a drink. "What's up?" He asked after sipping his drink.

"I found Serena," I started, "She's pregnant with my baby. A girl. I'm having a daughter, Joe."

Joe was shocked. "I can't believe you're going to be a dad."

"Lauren didn't tell you?" I questioned him. I don't know if I'd be pissed or not if he had known this whole time.

"No. She never said anything to me. I don't even know if she knew. I didn't even know where Serena was, Jason."

I let out a sigh and take a sip of my drink. "I'm in love with her, Joe." I looked at the floor.

"I know. I can tell, I mean."

"I wish I had fučking realized it sooner. I may not have lost her or been rude to her." I say more to myself.

"You're lying to yourself, you were rude to her because you didn't want it to be true. You wanted to push her away." And Joe was right, one hundred percent right.

I threw back my drink then poured myself another one. "I want to be in my daughters life and I want to be a good father." I confessed. 

"It's up to you and only you to fix things so that you can be in your daughter's life, Jason. It's not Serena's job, it's all yours. You have to find a way to make her forgive you, or to let you in your child's life. You royally fuçked up this time, J."

"You're right." We're the only words I said at first. "I know it's my job and I plan now working things out with Serena, even if it means her and I aren't together. Our child deserves a better explanation to why I wouldn't be in her life, not your father fûcked up. No child deserves that explanation."

"I'm glad you're realizing you can't be act like a spoiled brat anymore. You can't party and use women anymore, you have a child on the way. A daughter. If a guy treated your daughter the way you've been treating Serena, how would you feel?" He asked.

I realized I would beat the shīt out of a guy if he ever treated my baby girl the way I've been treating her mom. "I'd fūcking kill him."

"There you go. I'm glad you've made realizations today. Just remember money can't fix all this, not like it usually does. Serena isn't Rita or any other girl you've fuckēd around with. She isn't materialistic, she doesn't care about fame or glitz and glamor. She has a huge heart that's been broken one too many times. You could be the guy to show her how to love herself again, how to be happy, how to smile again. You have the power to do that if that's what you want." He paused. "You can help her love someone other then your child."

I closed my eyes and clenched my glass in my hands. "I wish she'd love her self. There's so much to love. She's smart, independent, good hearted. There's just so much to love about her." I looked at Joe and seen a smirk spread across his lips. "What?"

"You're so whipped, Man. Serena has a hold on you that I've never see before."

"I've got it bad." I admired.

~Hope you enjoyed this chapter! I'm down school for the summer so I hope I get more motivation to right! Sorry it was late!
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