Save Me (Adam Lambert)

Chapter 49 - False Hope

A/N: Here you go beautiful people :) <3 xoxoxo

-Em xo

Chapter 49:

"Hey Kitty Kat." I smile, hugging my best friend.

"Hey D." she laughs.

"Has the morning Alex ritual taken place yet?" I joke.

"Well since you're 10 minutes earlier than usual, he should be here any second now. Oh look, speak of the devil." She points down the hall.

I watch as he takes a deep breath, head down as he walks towards us.

"Hey Kat, has...oh." He quickly turns his attention to me and his eyes widen.

"If you have something to say, then say it. Though I prefer if you talk to me directly instead of going behind my back and hassling my best friend." I cross my arms and wait for his reply.

"I wasn't...I didn't...uh, I..." he stutters and I scoff.

"What do you want Alex? And for the first time I'm not asking rhetorically." I question.

"I'm going to go..." Kat says awkwardly, turning on her heel and speed walking away.

"I don't know what I want." He finally answers.

"You obviously do, because I seem to be the topic between you and Kat every morning. If you want to know how I am, then ask me. And I know I haven't made that easy, but to be honest I didn't want to talk to you for a while. But now it's not up to me. If you want something you need to go for it." I advise, but I'm kind of hoping he doesn't go for it...

"Ok, fine. I want you. I want a chance with you. Go on a date with me." he gathers the courage and lays it all on the line.

"I guess you haven't been on any social media sites or watched TV at all." I mutter.

"I don't live in a cave. I've seen every tweet, every article and every Facebook post. I know as much about your past as everyone else does. I know that you have scars on your wrists no matter how well you hide it with those millions of bracelets. I know that you have hacked at your legs and tried to commit suicide more than once. But you want to know the difference between me and everyone else who judges you on what that monster did to you?" he says confidently.

"What would that be?" I ask quietly, unable to connect with his bright green eyes that are highlighted by his styled up light brown hair.

"I know that your past doesn't define you. That you are so much more than what the media and stuck up high school bitches say about you. I like you because you are strong and confident, and probably the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on. Just agree to one date with me." I finally look into his eyes, and for some reason I see truth. I see that he isn't lying to me, or at least I don't think he is. I don't want to think he is.

"I can't." I almost whisper.

"Why not? Why can't you accept that you can have a normal life if you want one?" he says a little louder.

"Like you said, you know my past. Do you honestly think I'd be confident with having a relationship? Sure, you say one date. But can you tell me that you'll stop there? What if for some reason you do actually like me? What if you ask me on a second date, and then a third and even fourth? It's almost impossible for me to be comfortable just going on one. Look, Alex, I can't be the girl you want me to be. Go ask out someone else. Have a go at Kat for all I care. Because I can't be with a guy. And I'll never be able to." The school bell sounds off a few seconds after I finish my rant.