Save Me (Adam Lambert)

Chapter 63 - Boundaries

A/N: Here you go my lovelies :) hope you enjoy this chapter, and please don't forget to tweet me a pic of the hashtag #SaveMesavedme on your wrists or wherever you like, on October 12th. It was a fans idea, I think it's pretty cool, but it's up to you. I love you all, and please vote and comment, and go check out the amazing book Raise Your Glass by kpaulsweets :)
I love you <3 <3 <3
-Em xo
Chapter 63:
My phone rings and I laugh at the picture that comes up with Alex's name. It was when he was sitting with Kat and me at lunch a few weeks ago. He shoved his face with food and when I got my phone out to take a picture, he tried a closed mouth smile, but his cheeks were all puffy and food filled. It looks hilarious.
I press the green button and bring it to my ear.
"Sup Edwards." I answer with a laugh. I don't know why he's calling me at 3 o'clock on a Saturday.
"Darcy, thank god you answered! I need your help." He says in a panic, which brings increasing worry.
"Alex what's wrong?" I say with actual care in my words.
"It's my sister. She's not hurt or anything, but I'm really worried about her. Our mum used to do all of this girly stuff with her, and she used to smile and laugh more than ever. But ever since our parents passed away, she just hasn't been the same. I've tried doing everything a little girl loves, but she just doesn't respond to me like she did with our mum. She isn't as happy as she used to be, and it's getting worse. I don't know what to do." He says sadly. He really cares about his sister.
"That's terrible. She sounds like such a sweet little girl." I say sadly.
"Can I ask a favour?" I hear the hope threading his words together.
"Uh, yeah I guess so." I say, kind of nervous as to what he's asking of me.
"Could you maybe come over and talk to her? I don't know, just like, play tea parties or something? She really needs a girl in her life again." Poor Molly. I couldn't even imagine what it would be like to lose her parents at just 6 years old.
"Yeah, of course. Just text me the address and I'll be there soon." I say confidently. I'd never leave him alone in a situation like this.
"Thank you Darcy, you don't even understand how much this means to me." I pull the phone away and end the call after saying goodbye.
My phone goes off again about a minute later, a text from Alex coming through with his address.
***
"Molly, this is my friend from school, Darcy." Alex introduces me to a cute little girl with curly blonde hair, and piercing green eyes, matching her older brothers. She has light freckles sweeping across her milky skin, and a cute little giggle to match her toothy grin.
"Hi." She says shyly.
"It's very nice to meet you Molly." I say politely.
"Are you my brother's girlfriend?" she asks with a small tilt of her head. I start to choke a little, and basically just on air.
"No, no. We're just friends." I assure straight away.
"Yeah...just friends." I see the sadness flash through his eyes before he contains himself.
"Will you play tea parties with me?" she asks quietly.
"I would absolutely love to." She grabs my hand and pulls me down the hall. I look back at Alex and smile, laughing a little as he looks on amusingly.
Alex's POV:
I walk into my sisters room, leaning against the door frame with my arms crossed as I watch on in amusement. In the short time of half an hour, my sister has taken Darcy hostage, stuck a crown on her head and a wand in her hand, and made her drink imaginary tea with her teddy bears and stuffed animals as the other guests.
"Having fun?" I smirk.
"Absolutely. Do you know how long it's been since I had a tea party?" she laughs.
"Well you look just like royalty." I joke.
"Don't you mess with your queen." She says sassily, and I hear Molly giggle.
"You know, Molly, I think your brother would be great as a princess." Darcy smirks.
"Yeah! Please Alex." Molly puts out her bottom lip and quivers it, frowning a little and giving me the puppy dog look.
"Fine, fine." I sigh, and her mood brightens. Little faker.
They pull me down to sit on one of the tiny chairs, and start to attack me with make-up. And after 20 minutes or so, I look like a hooker. But it makes my sister happier than I have seen her in over 2 years, and that's all I care about.
***
"Go get into your PJ's missy." I laugh at my sister as she runs into her room with a towel draped over her body after her bath.
"She really looks up to you." Darcy says as I sit next to her on the lounge.
"It's my job to protect her." I smile.
"And you do your job perfectly." She says back.
And that smile she shows is so perfect, I wonder how she's even human. Her eyes shine perfectly under the light, and her hair drapes across her shoulders like she is a goddess. She looks even more beautiful every time I see her. I don't know how it's possible, but it's true. I don't know why I'm so connected to her. Or why I'm falling in love with this random girl I met on an airplane.
It was more than luck that she ended up going to my school. It was destiny. Fate even. As soon as I bumped into her in that airport, everything slowed down. It does every time I see that same beautiful smile, or hear that perfect laugh. It seemed so impossible to me. Time feeling as if it physically slows? There's no way. But somehow...it does.
"What are you thinking about?" Darcy asks, furrowing her eyebrows together as her question brings me back to reality.
"You." I say honestly. She quickly looks down and bites her bottom lip, a blush creeping to her cheeks.
"You're so cute when you blush." I chuckle.
"Friends don't say that to other friends." She half smiles, half smirks.
"Then let's not be friends." I say like it's a great idea.
"You basically begged me for months on end to give you a chance. And now you don't even want to be friends." She scoffs.
I move closer to her, taking her hand in mine, but she pulls it awake quicker than I can blink. She looks anxious and nervous, completely stressed.
"I want to be more than friends." I say honestly, trying to get her to look at me. She stares forward, right hand on her left wrist as she rubs and scratches at her arm.
"Hey, hey. It's okay." I pull her hand away from her wrist and she instantly flicks her eyes to my hand on her arm.
"Don't touch me, please." She begs.
"I'm not going to hurt you." I hold her hand in both of mine and look at her sadly.
"That's what he said. But he always did." She whispers.
"I'm nothing like him. He's gone, and I'll never let anyone hurt you like that ever again. I need you to explain something to me." I can't comprehend it.
"What?" she asks quietly.
"Why does my skin against yours scare you? Do I feel like him? Does my touch match his?" I ask, really wanting to know. I'm not angry with her about rejecting me. I just want to know as much as I can so that I know how to help her properly.
"I think I should go." She quickly stands up, still unable to look me in the eye.
"Maybe you think you should. But I don't agree." I stand up and grab her wrist, keeping her from going anywhere.
"I don't want to talk about this at all. And especially with Molly here." She keeps her body turned from me, her eyes to the ground.
"Then stay for dinner. We'll order in, and Molly goes to bed at 8. We can talk then. I can't put this off anymore. I've been chasing you for 9 months. I'm not giving up now." I say with every ounce of confidence and passion I possess.
"Darcy! Darcy!" Molly bounds down the stairs before she can answer me. She pulls her wrist from my grasp and faces my little sister, picking her up as she runs up to her and jumps into Darcy's arms.
"You look very cute in your pyjama's." she smiles, but I see the fakeness of the gesture.
"Are you leaving?" Molly says sadly.
"Yeah, Darcy...are you?" she turns and finally faces me, looking me in the eyes.
"I have to." She says, and finally tears her eyes off mine to look at a sad Molly.
"Please don't go. Can't you stay for a while? Please let her stay, Alex. Please?" She looks at me with small begging eyes.
"Of course she can. But it's up to her." And I don't just mean tonight. I mean forever. I want her to stay with me, not just physically. I want her to be emotionally mine. To fix her so she can be happy. Not just so I can hold her and kiss her without her being scared of me. If I got the chance to help her go back to where she was before he came into her life, but I never got to see her again, I would still do it.
"I guess a few more hours couldn't hurt." She nods.
***
"She's completely worn out." I laugh as I walk into the lounge room again.
"That's good. She'll get a good night sleep." She smiles a little, but it's forced.
"Come here." I motion her to me with my hands, and she looks at me but doesn't follow.
"I won't bite." I say amusingly.
She eventually stands up and follows suit as I sit on the carpeted ground, Indian style.
"What exactly are we doing?" she perks up a little and asks with a real, and beautiful, laugh.
"Hold out your hands." I instruct, and eventually she does. Palms facing the floor.
I move my hands up and touch my finger tips with hers. I watch her reaction, and at first it's confused, but then she realises what I'm doing.
"I want you to tell me when to stop." She looks into my eyes and nods, before going back to watching our hands.
I run my fingertips along her fingers and knuckles until I reach her wrists. She starts to squirm a little, and I can see the discomfort on her face. The battle in her eyes, showing that she wants to be comfortable with me going further, but something won't let her.
I brush my fingertips over her wrist and go up a little further. I reach in between the middle of her elbow and her wrist, and I see her getting extremely uncomfortable.
"Stop. Please." She begs, and I instantly remove my hands. She seems to relax a lot more once I do.
"That's where he touched you, isn't it? He never got to your hands, he went straight to your upper body." she looks down again, unable to look at me at all. She slowly nods, and I hear her let out a slow breath, and I can tell she's trying not to cry.
"Turn your arms over this time." I instruct, and she instantly shakes her head negatively.
"I can't" her voice cracks.
"Stop saying you can't. I know you're strong enough, and I know you can." She takes another deep breath and holds her hands out like before, but with her palms towards the ceiling. Instant tears spring to my eyes as I see those thick white lines showing on her skin. Red ones present as well. Fresh, new, so dangerous.
I move straight to the start of her wrist, running my fingertips over her closest scar. I can see that it's right on the vein. It's thick and white, and I can tell that it would have needed stitches.
"Please don't touch them. They're hideous." She says quietly, watching my movements intently.
"No they're not. Each one tells a story. A part of your life you have lived through and overcome. You can't take them back, but you can stop new ones from appearing." I run my fingers along more and more of them, marvelling at how many there are.
"That's easier said than done." She says after a minute.
"Not if you let me help you. Please, Darcy. Promise me you'll try to stop." I beg.
"I'll try." She sighs in defeat.
I continue my journey up her arms, until I get to the same spot that I got to on the other side.
"Stop." She says quickly, worry in her voice that I won't listen to her. I instantly remove my hands and go to holding her hands in mine.
"Good. Now we have boundaries. Can you agree to that?" I ask hopefully.
"What kind?" she asks warily.
"I won't touch you below the waist at all. And I'll touch you that far up your arms, but no further. Is that okay?" I'll only do what she's comfortable with. No more, no less. I want to help her get more comfortable, and I'll have to convince her that she is capable of that, but I'd never go past her limits. Ever.
"O-Okay." She stutters as I continue to hold her hands, and run my thumbs along the back of them.
"What about above the neck?" she asks timidly, causing a small smile to make its way onto my lips.
"That's up to you." I let go of her left hand, and brush her hair out of her eyes gently, with my right hand. As I complete the simple action, she looks up at me through her lashes. She's absolutely breathtaking.
I brush her hair behind her ear and cup her cheek, running my thumb under her eye.
"I feel so wrong." She says quietly, but doesn't tell me to stop or push me away.
"Why?" I ask at the same volume. It feels like we are the only people in the world. And that's when I truly realise.
I'm in love with this girl. I want to spend the rest of my life loving her. No one could love her like I do. No one could care like I do.
"Because for the first time...I don't want to run away. I don't want to go anywhere. Is that bad?" she asks, actually not figuring out the answer.
"No. It will always be a good thing." I move closer to her, our eyes never leaving each other's.
"I'm scared that I'll regret this." She sighs quietly.
"Regret doesn't really exist. Because at the time of the thing that you later regret, it's what you wanted. Don't think about how you'll feel a week from now. Think about how you feel in this moment. What my touch feels like. And only think of my touch, not the ones who have hurt you before. I'm here, now, and I'd never hurt you." I reassure, and she actually seems to believe me. Thank the lord.
"Then I might as well enjoy it while I can. Before they drag me away again." She laughs quietly, but I can tell she's worried. By 'they' she means her demons, I know she does.
I lean forward, and she doesn't lean away. I hesitate, just to make sure she's okay with what I'm going to do. She seems to get my message, and nods her head slowly, biting her bottom lip. Damn.
My other hand moves up to her right cheek, and holds it gently, just like the other one. I press my lips to hers, and the world stops. Time doesn't exist, everyone else doesn't exist. It's just me and her, and nothing else matters.
Her hands slowly move to my shoulders, pulling me a little closer to her. I smile into the kiss, and she returns it just as much. Our lips move in sync, and it's everything that the books describe. They say that you see fireworks, but no one's imagination is good enough to project that in front of your eyes. They see you feel electricity, and I guess they are right to some degree. They also say you feel connected. That you fit together like perfect puzzle pieces. And in all honesty, they are exactly right!
By now we're on our knees, my hands cupping her beautiful face, and her arms around my neck. We still have quite a few inches between us, but at least she's kissing me back. At least she's okay with this.
Eventually we pull back for air, and I rest my forehead against hers. She keeps her eyes closed, but a smile plants itself permanently onto her lips.
"I think I'm falling in love with you." I blurt out uncontrollably.
"I think I might feel the same one day..."