Aberration

Chapter 51

Over 50 chapters already this is crazy. I just wanna thank you guys so much for continuing to read this messed up book, it feels like I just started it yesterday. It's become the book I've always wanted it to be and I'm so thankful for all of your guy's support, it really does mean the world xx 

sorry for the sappy authors note here's the next chapter. -kenzie

Three days later I enrolled to virtual school. It was a quick switch and a painless one. I could see my mom shaking her head disapprovingly in my head, but I ignored it. She wouldn't have to know, at least not now. Louis took her place in the online system as my "guardian". We both knew it wouldn't be wise to try to get her approval from across country. She wouldn't understand.

Everyone seemed to be on edge with me, choosing their words carefully and keeping the topics light. As if they knew I was unstable; already treading on thin ice.

The only person who would talk to me normal was Liam. We would often sit in my room, laying back on my bed, playing music and chatting softly. He seemed to get what I was going through and for that I was curious.

"Hey Liam," I had asked one day. I had already finished my schooling for the day earlier that morning and we were hanging out down by the pond at the back of the flat.

He sat next to me, our backs sharing the trunk of the infamous tree I had fell out of years ago. Decades ago.

"hm?" he hummed, peering out lazily over the pond as the sun reached it's highest point over the water. 

I followed his gaze, resting it there also as I took a breath. "Why do you put up with me when no one else does."

He looked down at me, a playful yet soft glint to his eyes. "Well someone has to do it."

I smiled a little, nudging him with my arm. He sighed, resting his head back onto the tree and closing his eyes when a soft breeze flowed by. I took a second to admire the day it was. Ones like these didn't come often in Florida and I was determined to enjoy it.

Liam opened his eyes a moment later, still looking out across the water. "Because I know what you're going through."

I didn't respond.

"It was my sixteenth birthday," he began, his voice sorrowful even though a smile played on his lips. The kind of smile you see when an adult talks about a dead relative or pet. "My parents had gone all out, cake, balloons, streamers, gifts, everything."

"And it was about time for the party to start. Then an hour passed. Then two." he looked down at me again. "No one came."

I tore my eyes away from his, my heart cracking right through the center.

"I wasn't popular in school. Not even a little. I didn't have many friends." he shook his head, that sad smile returning to his lips. "I don't know what I was thinking, thinking people would actually show up."

I wanted to ask him to stop. To spare himself the pain and remembrance I knew he was feeling. I'd felt it before. But I couldn't.

"I guess my hope had got the best of me." he said softly. "I guess I thought it would be different, I don't know why."

Words gurgled in my throat and they pressed forward. Clawing to get out, to tell him that he doesn't need to go on anymore. 

"That's why I understand you." he finished, pulling his lips in loosely.

I glanced up at him. His eyes were suddenly glazed over with this sort of tiredness; Something I had never seen on him before. It was horrible.

I hated those kids. I hated every single one of them for what they did to Liam. 

We had been in silence for too long and I knew I needed to speak up. So I said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm not gonna say 'I'm sorry' because I know it means nothing to you," I spoke. "Not anymore."

He smiled, and I breathed out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Liam was a different species to me. All of the boys were. 

Liam was so sweet. So kind and genuine. My instinct told me he had been this way for a while. And those kids degraded him. Bullied wouldn't be the word. It never is.

To be bullied is stereo typical. I would know.

"You would be right." he said after a moment, peering down at me for a second, then looking back onto the water. The world seemed silent around us. As if everything and one was listening to our conversation.

I chuckled, looking down at the grass. "What?" he asked.

"It's just," I began, a small smile on my lips. "Can you imagine how they're feeling, knowing who you are now and the guy you've grown to be."

I didn't want to say, 'knowing that you're in the biggest band in the world'. It seemed wrong. Liam was a person. Not a label.

"How they're feeling?" he repeated, more to himself than to me. He looked back down at me, his smile doubling in size. "I don't really think I care."

We ate dinner as a flat family; It's what we've come accustomed to calling ourselves as a whole. It included the boys, Lauren and myself.

It was nice. Niall and Zayn had made dinner. It was the first time in a while that it actual felt normal around here. There always seemed to be tension; whether it was because of me, Harry, or something else. It was usually because of Harry or I. Or both.

We sat laughing, taking turns speaking and listening. 

Occasionally I would glance Harry's way; His eyes already trained on me. I looked away, my smile disappearing as I stared down at my plate, moving my vegetables around with the tip of my fork. I hadn't spoken to him in awhile. And I could tell things were getting bad for him again. 

Not worse. Just bad, again.

I had assumed to myself that he hadn't been taking his medication, and for that reason alone, I felt the need to befriend him again. People were relying on me to help him; To fix him.

That had been my goal all along. To clean up the mess I'd made two years ago. 

But my goal was no longer to "fix him" at other people's requests. At least, that wasn't my only goal. Harry is not just a project to me. We had connected in a certain inexplicable way.

Not the way we had years ago. It was different. Our connection isn't lovey dovey and coupley like it was then. It's emotional and mental. Semi-physical you could say.

Each other's company was enough to calm one of us down.

Harry could quite possibly be the most important person in my life.

And for that reason, I looked up across the table at him again. This time, returning his stare. I let a small smile on my lips as I looked back at him; letting him know in our own special way that everything was okay.

His eyes sparkled with curiosity and his head slightly cocked to the side as it usually does when I make contact with him in any way. And to my surprise, he smiled back.