Aberration

Chapter 57

I didn't know why he did it. I didn't know why he had picked then, at that moment in time, to give me that sort of affection. I had no clue.

But because of the sudden, very unexpected gesture, I spent the rest of my night in a haze.

I watched the concert from beside the stage, hidden by a thin curtain that fluttered every now and then, slightly revealing me to the crowd beside me. Not like they cared; they didn't know who I was.

But then again, was I expecting them to know who I was? As far as I understood, Harry and I weren't an item. At least I didn't think so. And if anything, it wasn't public. The only reason for anyone of these people to know me is because I'm Louis' half sister: a fact that even I forgot was relevant.

But even then, I was only his half sister. He had other full fledged sisters I had yet to meet and our connection was still quite lowkey. I wasn't one to flaunt something like Louis and the boys around.

Noise occasionally erupted around me, though it never quite stopped. But my ears seemed to have dulled the world around me as I became consumed in my thoughts.

All I could think about was Harry, and the way his lips felt on mine. It was something out of a soap opera it seemed. "Two mentally challenged teenagers share a kiss after a heated argument".

I shook my head at my thoughts, "I hate myself." I chuckled dryly, pulling my sweater tighter around me in the chill air.

Occasionally my gaze would cast upon the stage, and for a brief moment or two I'd forget my personal life. It was interesting to watch how each of the boys interacted with the fans on stage.

But to my surprise, it was Harry who interested me the most. He wasn't like his usual self, standing in the background, hiding. No, he was different.

He was confident, he smiled and danced. Once in a while he would wave or make a face and I would find myself laughing with him.

It was odd, seeing how such a change in setting could alter a person like it did. How people could alter a person like it did.

Then again, Harry altered me. The proof was now, in my dysfunctional phase just an hour after he had kissed me. My lungs seemed to remain short of breath, and my heart hadn't slowed one beat since I felt the heat of his face in front of mine.

It hadn't been a rough, desperate kiss. It wasn't needy or hormonal.

It was sweet, and soft. It was made on a split second decision but it meant more than just that. 

It was at that moment I felt truly connected to him. Like all the emotion he had but couldn't put into words, he put into that light, 4 second kiss.

My mind boggled every second after it was over and it rendered me speechless.

Harry and I's relationship hadn't been physical. Sure, we comforted each other and yes, spent nights tangled beneath the warm sheets. But it wasn't sex.

Harry was home. He had been home to me for the past almost 4 years, even when absent for two of them.

He was my best friend without even trying and I know it was the same for him. Our trust was  in one another and it's something I held dear to my heart.

And to have that sensual, mental relationship turn into one of physical, it was something very unfamiliar to me.

When Harry and I had been an actual couple years ago, it was something of puppy love almost. We were young. He was cheeky and I was rebellious. 

He lured me in with cheesy jokes and promiscuous remarks and I let him have it with sarcasm and hard to get behavior.

It was something that today makes me want to cringe, yet made me smile so big at the time. It was a happy year. He and I were closer than I had been with anyone before and I cherished every second of it.

It was that, that created the foundation for our relationship today. It was always Harry.

And it was then, as I scampered back to the tour bus, tears clouding my vision that I realized that I wanted more. I wanted more of Harry.

That kiss was only a glimpse into what I could have with him again. It was that one ray of sunshine and happiness peering through the dark, gloomy clouds that constantly clouded my horizon.

But as I showered and slide into my bunk, I realized the slow tears that dripped onto my cheeks were from fright. 

I couldn't want this. I couldn't. My purpose was to fix Harry, not break him all over again. Everyday he grew stronger as I grew weaker and I could feel myself starting to crumble as he hardened.

This wasn't the foundation he needed in his life. 

But maybe it was the kind I needed.

When I was with Harry I felt whole. I felt as if that lonely ache in the back of my mind was filled with butterflies and daisies. Just his presence could calm an entire day's stress.

Maybe I'm just selfish. To possibly ruin someone else's chances of recovery to salvage some of your own happiness. To pull someone back under just after they've taken a breath.

Tomorrow was another day. I would see Ashton, hopefully talk with Lauren some, and then, I'd see Harry. 

And I knew, then, I'd know how to make my decision. It was up to him. I'd see how his own actions affected him, if they affected him at all.

Maybe he regretted it. Maybe he was looking for that old flame or it really was just heat of the moment. 

I hoped he got whatever he was looking for.

I closed my eyes, falling asleep to my own words of denial and doubt, and finally the feeling of arms hesitantly pulling me to their chest.

Short chapter to fill you guys in before I work on a longer one, love you all xx -kenzie

p.s. if someone made a trailer for this story I'd quite possibly through my love at you