Soulmates |L.S|

fifty three.

[Harry]

I just hope to wake up from this nightmare as soon as possible but then when I actually sit and think about it, the realization of him leaving me hits me like a ton of bricks and I want to die.

I'm back at my house and no. Not the one where Maria lives. It's my house. It's considerably big and I'm just alone over here with all the pictures staring back at me. It's..I..I love Louis.

Did I not mention it enough? Did not tell him enough to make him believe that he was perfect? That all of his flaws weren't even flaws to me? Did I just make him feel like a toy which I was playing with?

I went to school today. 1st January. New Years was supposed to be mine and Louis' time together but I just had to be stupid and..and..ruin it. I thought we would celebrate it at my house calling lots of people and kiss when the clock strikes 12 and be together and have a fresh start but no. I'm just a fuck up. Everyone was so right. Specially my dad. He always reminded me of how big of a mistake I was and that they wanted me to lead just because they didn't have another son.

I spent half my life proving him wrong and today, I give up. I am a fuck up. Was one, am one, will always be one.

I saw Louis today at school. He was sitting with Niall and Miranda on his usual bench and barely laughed. Just random chuckles and small smiles when anyone talked to him. I wanted to take him to Paris. To book a wonderful hotel with Eiffel Tower just for him but things didn't work out.

I remember how he always gushed about going to France. It was his dream and I was just an inch...a centimeter away from fulfilling it. How fucking unfortunate and how fucking...horrible and pathetic of me to run away from that restaurant and end up in a bar.

Shit actually begun when Cara entered the hospital room me and Louis were in and Louis just gave her a smile and then looked at me and said I'll always admire your ability to move on so fast. And if those words didn't hurt, I didn't know what could. Cara didn't have the guts to tell him she was a lesbian human with her girlfriend back home and I didn't have the guts to tell Louis this because he just seemed so goddamn content with his own explanation.

Here I am, drowning myself in all alcohol left in my house and staring at the blank TV screen and thinking of Louis. The sound of doorbell ringing interrupts me though and I place the alcohol bottle down in the table before opening the door.

It was Cara and Alessia. Wait. I'm seeing wrong. I close the door and my breathing picks up. Why on earth are they here? I don't want them here. I don't want a reminder of what I made Louis believe here but the continuing knocking irked me and I swung the door open.

Cara and Alessia take a look at me before stepping in. I don't want Alessia anywhere near me. She reminds me of Louis and she's awfully rude sometimes. Alessia sits herself on the couch but Cara glares at her making her stand up and nervously tuck her hair behind her ear. God. They even have the same habits.

I go and sit in the couch after closing the door and resume drinking from my bottle that is, until the glass object is taken away from me and taken somewhere making me groan. Cara sits next to me rubs my bare back as I place my head in my hands and refrain myself from crying.

I couldn't help it. I literally couldn't do anything. I'm probably even stinking right now because I haven't showered in like...two days and my hair is a bit greasy and I haven't changed my clothes since yesterday. I'm awful and I can't get over the fact that Louis tried to suicide because he thought I left him.