"Please Don't Go."(Levi X reader)

Chapter Thirty-Eight

I was awoken by some shifting and a light poke. I hummed slightly still trying to keep my eyes shut but I was definitely awake. "We are here (Y/n), it's time to get up." I opened my eyes to see the notorious raven haired Corporal. His icy blue eyes made eye contacts with my own (color) orbs. I smiled slightly before making a big gesture to gather my stuff. I noticed some of it was gone, my eyes averted to Levi's arms. He had my bag and his own. I blinked for a second processing the situation.

"Levi, allow me to help." I say trying to take one of his bags. He kindly let go of it and he left the carriage without a word. I watched him as he nodded to the driver I turned my head and smiled at the man entering the cadets hall. Levi started heading to his office and I followed. He struggled to open the door and so I stepped in and twisted to door knob with my free hand. I pushed the door open with my hip and stepped in. I set Levi's bag down off to the side and he set his own stuff down. I scanned the room, and his desk and noticed a pile of papers. I listen to Levi sigh and I felt my heart skip a beat. I felt bad for this poor soul. After having a vacation day he was stuck with a shit tone of papers to fill out.

"Thank you, Levi." I say picking up my bag. "Should I go train with the others. That or I can help you with your papers? Seems like an awful lot and I don't want you stressed days before the expedition. It's not fair." He picked up his own bag. I watched intently and waited for his answer.

"Why don't you get yourself cleaned up. I'm going to get myself cleaned up. Then you can meet me back here. Don't you dare use all of the hot water. We may shower in different places but we use the same well." His slim black eyebrows came closely together. He stepped behind me to open the door and showed me out. No expression on his face. It didn't bother me because it was his normal stature I left and headed to my room.

After a good three minutes I arrived at my barrack. I tossed my bag to the side without a care in the world. I gathered my clothes and dashed to the showers. Upon arrival I set my stuff to the side and stepped into the running shower. I sighed washed my body, and hair. My mind started to wonder to the times with my mother and sister. My heart pinged in my chest and my breathing started to become irregular. A lump started to form in my throat. I swallowed hard. No, I can't cry. I've got to become hard. I've got to form this hard exteriors for my future. I can't let ever little death of my friends bother me. It'll only fuck my future up. In the middle of my thoughts the warm, soothing water started to turn cold. That was my sign to step out but I couldn't. I stayed in for a little while longer, turning the running water to an actual freezing temperature. It calmed my quivering body. Finally the cold water became to much to bare so I turned off the water and took my towel to dry myself off. I slightly sniffed, turning to look at the mirror placed so when the girl's get ready in the morning they can situate themselves. The mirror had condensed water on it, blocking a lot of my face from view but the water that had collected dripped down creating long streak of clear glass.

In the mirror I could see that my body was slightly withered. Nothing drastic but noticeably. I have bulked up, but my ribs where clearly visible. My face was pale, and hollowed out. Around my eyes, and nose it was bright red. Likely from the amount of crying that I've been doing from everything tumbling down. My eyes had clear dark back underneath, and my (color) eyes where dull. Very little color shined out. I wasn't like this before. I've lost a lot of body mass form lack of eating and missing lunches, breakfasts, and even dinner. My heart thumped hard in my chest upon realizing this. I've never gotten time to take a glimpse at myself. With the expedition only two days I can't be weak. I won't start seeing new signs for a while, but I needed to start now. I felt droplets of water trace down my back, falling from my wet hair. I dried it and turned my attention to getting ready.

"I can't let myself go on any further. Not like this. If I want to be a successful soldier I've gotta change myself." I mutter to myself. Bending over and wiping my legs down. I slid a long gray skirt, and a white button up shirt. Gathering my materials I walked back to my room. I tossed my dirty clothes onto my bed and brushed my hair. My hair was fairly dry so I tied it up into a sloppy ponytail. Finally ready and clean I walked back to Levi's office. I passed some soldiers while on the way there. Some flashed me a smile, and some just stared as I walked passed. It was like I was a ghost, but from earlier I wasn't doubting it wasn't from that. I shook it off my solders resting my hand on Levi's door knob.