drugs- m.h

50. it's not living (if it's not with you)

Kat sat at her kitchen table, watching the rain fall on the window above her while she drank her now luke warm tea. Matty was meant to come back the next day, she didn't know what she was going to do with herself.

She had everything prepared, she was going to cook him dinner and then they were going fo relax and have a quiet night in. That's all she wanted with him. She put her tea down slowly and closed her eyes, imagining his touch.

It was only when someone was knocking on the door did she open them again. She threw the rest of her tea, now cold, in the sink and walked towards her front door. She expected Tammy or Angie to be standing there but instead she saw Matty. He looked; awake.

"Matty?" She gasped, she wasn't quite sure if it was him. His hair had been cut, there were no circles under his eyes the size of basketballs and he was smiling. He didn't say anything, just stepped towards her and planted his lips on hers. She let out a low moan of relief as she kissed him back. "What are you doing here?" Her eyes filled with tears as he pulled out the kiss and walked into the house.

"I signed myself out a day early; thought I'd surprise you." He shrugged, walking in as if nothing had happened. She followed him with a gaping mouth.

He stood in the living room facing the wall and taking it all in. She couldn't help herself, she wrapped her arms around his torso and plastered her body onto his back. He smelled the same.

"Oh you smell so good." She squeezed him, earning a small laugh.

"Hey, Kit we need to talk real quick." He sighed as if he'd only just realised. She let go of him and he turned around. She smiled at him and his attempt was weak so she stopped. He pulled her over to the sofa and they sat down.

"You okay?" She asked, he nodded.

"So, clearly, I've had a lot of therapy in the past few weeks and will probably still have a lot of therapy to come." He started. "My therapist is great and she's made me realise that I need to cleanse my life of things that will make me want to do bad things." Kat was nodding along to this even though she had no idea where it was going. "And also, I don't think I can be dependent on one person to help me not want to do those things." She knew he was talking about her. "I just think that I need to become independent from my addiction and being reliant on someone wont help that."

Kat sat there in silence while he waited for her answer. He had just thrown her words back at her in order to break up with her.

"Kat-"

"Matty." She closed her eyes.

"Yeah?" His voice grew small as if he knew what was to come next.

"Shut the fuck up with this therapist bullshit. If three weeks of therapy has made you realise I'm the one that's bad for you and preventing you from staying clean then you need a new therapist." She started, his eyes widened. He hadn't expected that. She stood up and he followed like a puppy.

"Kat-"

"I love you Matty. If you don't and you don't want to be with me that's fine because that's your decision but don't use your addiction to try and make it my fault because that is no one else's fault but your own." She spat at him. He licked his lower lip and stared at the floor.

"I've only just realised recently how messed up I am. I don't want to drag you into it." He said calmly.

"Well you should've thought about that when you told me you loved me, allowed me to love you and then continued to tell me that while you're in rehab" she was annoyed and hurt that he thought he could toss her aside so swiftly.