Teenage Blues

I Got This

It took every ounce of my energy to get out of my warm, comfy bed. I knew if I didn't, with the mood my dad was in, he'd drag me out. Shawn Corey Carter was not someone to piss off. I've learned that the hard way more than once.

I entered my dads office and my mom was nowhere in sight. Out of all the times I need her to be a buffer, she's ghost.

"Where's mommy?" I asked from the door.

He fixed me with a look and motioned to the chairs in front of him not saying a word. Ok, I see how it is.

I sat across from him and he finished up doing whatever it was he was doing. I could've stayed in bed for all that.

My dad turned his phone towards me and let the TMZ video played. I half watched it. I mean I know what I look like, I was there. In my opinion, I looked fucking great and killed the choreography.

I subconsciously started smiling and that just pissed my dad off even more.

"You find this funny Blue? Is this some kind of joke?" he asked.

"Daddy, it's just dancing. It's not even that serious," I replied rolling my eyes.

What is with people irritating me today?

My dad came around the desk and I instantly sat back trying to get out of his way. Daddy was quick with his hands and I did not want to be on the receiving end.

He started in on me, "Who you rolling your eyes at? You know better than to disrespect me and you know how I feel about that eye rolling shit. You think cause you're 18, you got everything under control? Nothing you do seems to be that big of a deal. No matter how many times I warn you of how you move, it goes through one ear and out the other."

I took a second before I responded. I knew where he was coming from. Maybe, just maybe, I was being a little careless. Still, it was just dancing. Why should I tone down just because it might make people in my family uncomfortable? Could it be my parents just don't want their name in the tabloids? I mean my mom made a whole album about her sexcapades. I wasn't even going that far.

"Daddy, I apologize if you feel I disrespected you. I just don't understand what the big deal is. Dancing is my form of creativity just like how you and mommy have music. I wasn't doing anything crazy," I said nearly pleading with him to see my point of view.

He went back to his chair and sat down.

"Blue. I need you to be mindful of everything that you do. Yes, I understand that dancing is your form of creativity. I respect your craft. Still, you know how the media is. They're going to try to break you down and your image isn't even fully established. It's the same thing about the shit you post on Instagram and have ya lil boyfriend posting. All that matters," he said.

I shook my head. Here he goes. Now my dad didn't have a problem with Rihmeek. He and Mr. Williams are good friends. Still, after the situation with Cameron, he's not holding his tongue at all. If it were up to him and he had his way, I wouldn't be in any type of relationship for a long time.

"Does this have to do with my dancing or my relationship," I questioned.

"Both," he responded.

"Well I have the right to choose what I do with both. You and mommy can't control my career or my love life," I said with an attitude.

I swear today is not my day. Just not my day.

"You're right. You can leave now. Forget I said anything," he said opening up his computer.

Did he just dismiss me like that. Well, fuck it then.

I got up and stormed out of his office and slammed the door. Yeah, that'll really piss him off. Unfortunately, I walked right into my mom. Her bionic ears must've been eavesdropping.

"What the hell was that?" she asked folding her arms.

"Nothing mommy," I replied, trying to move around her.

She blocked my way, grabbed my arm, and reopened the office door. She dragged me inside and pushed me towards the chair I was just in. You bet I sat my ass down. I was not about to get my ass beat by Beyoncé. Nope, not today.

"Yes Beyoncé," my dad asked addressing my mother and ignoring the fact that I was back in the room.

"Jay," she said.

I watched the silent exchange between the two. I mean decades on decades together and nothing needed to be said.

My dad sighed and closed his computer as my mother sat down.

"Blue baby, look at me," my mom said grabbing my hands.

As I looked in my moms eyes, I instantly felt safe. Something about my mom's touch has always been my safe haven. I could open up and talk to her about any and everything.

She continued, "Baby I know what it's like to be 18 and want to be in control of your career. We are so proud of how far you've come and the name you're making for yourself. Still, we want you to be mindful that in having a brand there's a way for you to present yourself in a tasteful way."

I let go of her hands and stood up. They both stood up as well. That's that Brooklyn/Houston mentality. Always ready. I just wanted to get out of here and dead the conversation.

"I see where you guys are coming from, but I got this. It's just dancing. Daddy your problem is a whole other issue. If you could leave me locked in a room, you probably would. I just can't do this conversation right now. I've had a relaxing day and everyone since I've left the spa has been making it worse. I just need a nap before I say something that'll get me in trouble," I said.

Just like that I headed out of the office and back to my room.

So that I wouldn't be bothered anymore, I went and grabbed my car keys and left. Once inside my car I hit up someone I knew would let me have my space and ask questions later.

"Hello," he answered on the third ring.

"Egypt, can I come crash? I just need to sleep and everyone is irritating me," I said.

"I'll leave the door unlocked," he replied and hung up.

Finally, peace thanks to my big brother. The one that knew me and would always call me on my shit. I know he'd want to talk things out, but at least he'd let me sleep first.

So that I wouldn't be bothered anymore, I went and grabbed my car keys and left.