Jacob's Angel ✓

Chapter 17

Warning: This chapter contains mentions of self harm. I will write notes at the beginning and end of the scene.

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        I woke up with a hand wrapped around my waist. I opened my eyes to see Jacob's face. We were sprawled an the couch. One of Jacob's leg was on both of my legs and his hand was holding my waist. His face was buried in my neck, his warm breath making me blush. "Jacob", I called out softly. He stirred slightly and tightened his hold on me. "Jacob, wake up", I whispered. "At least let me go", I mumbled. I saw him smile,"Nope, I'm feeling really comfortable". I blushed again,"Shut up and wake up". He chuckled, an I blushed some more.

Yupp !! You're definitely fucked up.

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            I was keeping my textbooks in the locker, Charlotte was talking to Janise about today morning. "They we're looking soo cute", Charlotte said dreamily. The 'they' in the story was Jacob and myself. "Hey, Lisa", I heard Brenda's annoying voice say. I groaned and shut my locker with a bang, "What ?". She smirked, "I heard you're living with Charlotte now. Are you fucking her too ?? So now you're fucking her and Jacob. That's very slutty of you". I looked at her, "I think I have Alzheimer's, because I don't remember asking for your fucking opinion". Brenda glared at me before walking away. "Does she always have to be such a bitch ?", Janise asked rolling her eyes.

          I saw Jacob walking towards us. "Hey, let's go, you have your auditions today", he said. I nodded. "Lover boy's here for his Juliet", Janise whispered, making Charlotte laugh. I stuck my tongue out at her, walking away.

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          I was next, and to be honest I was freaking out. Jacob wasn't with me because they told him 'only participants are allowed'. I thought it was pretty stupid.  My heart felt like it was going to pop out of my chest.
           "No. 64", the girl, who looked like the most disinterested person in the world called out. I got to the stage, my hands clammy. My head began to spin. I was going to get on the stage after almost two years. I told myself to calm down. The lady sitting on the chair motioned me to start. I took a deep  breath before signing.

(A/N : I know you're gonna skip this, but it just felt weird not to write it. Also, song is inserted above. )

' I've never gone with the wind, just let it flow,
Let it take me where it wants to go.
Till you open the door, there's so much more,
I've never seen it before.
I was trying to fly but I couldn't find wings,
But you came along and you changed everything.
You lift my feet of the ground, you spin me around,
You make me crazier, crazier ..'

"Please stop", the lady waved a perfectly manicured finger at me. She smiled at me, somewhat sympathetically, "I'm sorry, you're not selected. There are a lot of people singers here, they deserve this chance. Your voice is good. It's just not what I'm looking for". For some reason that made people laugh. I, on the other hand was on the verge of tears. I controlled myself, smiled sarcastically at everyone, and walked away.

           For some reason her words hurt me, even though I don't sing. This is exactly why I left singing. Being classified as ' not good enough ' felt bad. I controlled my tears until I was inside the washroom. This washroom was at the utmost corner, and no one usually used it as there was a washroom near the classes.

          As soon as I opened the door, I threw my bag on the floor. I walked up to the mirror. The girl in the mirror looked broken. Her eyes were empty, filled with hate for herself. "Don't cry", I told her. "You're stronger than this, don't cry". A tear escaped my eyes, "I SAID DON'T FUCKING CRY !", I screamed at her, but the tears kept falling. I looked around for something, anything to punch or break, but didn't find anything.

(A/N: The scene begins here)

           I pulled at my hair. I looked at the mirror again, and slapped myself, hard. The tears were still rolling down my cheeks. I slapped myself, again, and again, and again. I knew it wasn't supposed to hurt this much, but damn, it did. All the memories came back, mom telling me I'm no good enough, teachers telling me that I'm weak, but most of all, him telling me that I'm worthless. I felt sad, depressed. My head was spinning, I could feel a slight headache.

          Just as I was about to do something to stop myself from crying, I found something, a blade, it must have fell out of my bag when I threw it on the floor. I stared at it.
"Don't do it", a voice inside my head said.
"You're worthless", another one said.
"Stop thinking about it".
I groaned, "Fuck it". I grabbed the blade.  I pulled my sleeves up, and placed the blade on my arm, I pressed it deeper and slid it across my arm. Blood started to drip on the floor. Only then I realized, that I did it again. It felt like no matter what I do to make myself feel good, I always come back to square one. The usual distraction I was hoping for wasn't there. Instead, I was overwhelmed with guilt. It made me feel stupid.

(A/N: You can read now.)

            A knock on the door made me jump. "Angel, are you there ? I heard you crying". Why the fuck was he here ? I washed the blood off my arm. "Angel, I know you're in there, please talk to me", his voice held genuine concern. I sighed, "Fuck off, Jacob".  I heard him mutter something, after which, the door opened. Jacob walked in. His hair looked like a mess, his eyes held sorrow. "Hey, you can't just step in here. It's a ladies washroom", I complained. "I don't care", he said, sitting beside me.

          He gently took my face in his hands, I flinched as his hand touched my cheek, "Stop hurting yourself Angel. You matter, more than you think you do, more than you could ever imagine. I feel so freaking sad when you do something like this. Please Angel, please don't do this to yourself.", he whispered. I huffed, "Who cares ?". He smiled, "I do, Taylor does, Janise does, Charlotte does. Do I need to go on ? You're an important part of so many lives Angel. You just don't realize it. If something happens to you, I would literally die. I'm here for you. I want you to move on. I want you to be happy. But that can't happen if you refuse to make an effort".

           I shook my head, "I try". He raised an eyebrow at me, "Be honest to yourself Lisa. Stop lying. It's not helping you. The first step to solving a problem is admitting that there is  a problem. You say you are trying. But are you really ? I'm not going to sugarcoat this Lisa. You're not doing yourself any favours by hurting yourself. If this goes on, Taylor would be forced to send you to a psychiatric facility. We love you Lisa. You're slowly destroying yourself". Every word felt like an attack. He continued, "Now you can either refuse that you have a problem, or give your best to heal yourself". I looked up at him, "What do you want me to do ?". He caressed my cheek, "Can you give me a smile ? A small one is fine. Just a little smile".

          I tried to smile at him, though it looked more like a grimace, judging by the taken aback look on this face, I succeeded. His eyes widened and he smiled back. And then he hugged me, I sucked in a deep breath. I stumbled back a bit. "You did it. Now work a little harder and you're going to be fine", he said, his blue eyes gazing down at my black ones. His thumb lightly grazed my lips. I froze, I didn't know what was happening. Once again, I had gone against the plans I had made. Once again I had let Jacob in. I had accepted his help. And at that moment, I realized something. I couldn't lie to myself anymore. It was too obvious.

I have a crush on the Golden boy.
A big one.
.
.
Shit.

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Author's Note:

Finally !! She admitted it to herself. Btw, do you like the new cover ??
If you like this chapter, please

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