Jacob's Angel ✓

Chapter 37

           
           I could hear the commotion around me as I entered the station. I was nervous. Dad gave my hand a little squeeze, to tell me that he was with me. But it wasn't enough to comfort me. All I wanted to do is run back home and curl up on my bed. I looked around the police station. I could feel my heart quicken it's pace. I told myself that it was okay, that's all have to do is say the truth, but it didn't work.

          Eventually, someone saw us standing at at the door and asked us what we needed. He led us to a table, where an officer was sitting. We sat down, and I tried to rub my cold hands to get them warm. The officer looked up from the file in front of him. My eyes fell on his name tag. Noah Clark. I saw my dad's lips move, but I couldn't hear anything. The officer glanced at me. I tried to calm myself down. I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to control my breathing. I felt eyes on me. I opened my eyes to find both the officer, and my dad staring at me.

           I sat still as the officer asked me questions.                                                                                                 

When did it start ?

When did it end ?

Why didn't you tell anyone ?   

He was visibly shaken by the last answer. He asked a few more questions, and I answered them. I tried to keep my voice straight, but it cracked. I could feel the tears pricking my eyes. 

          After what seemed like forever, they let us go. "We'll have to talk to your brother, your mother, and to some of the people in your school", the officer said. My eyes widened, "Do you have to ? I mean the school has nothing to do with this ?", I asked. He nodded his head, "Yeah, even if the school isn't involved, the changes in your behavior can tell us a lot", he gave me a sympathetic smile. Dad was watching me with eyes filled with sorrow. It's fine. Don't cry. It's fine. I kept repeating to myself. When in reality, I knew my word was about to crumble.

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          I was pacing in my room, nervous. I had no idea what questions the officers were about to ask. I knew officer Clark had talked to Taylor on a call, and had called him down to the station to meet him in person. They're interviewing everyone I mentioned. It's like they don't believe me.  What if they really don't believe me ? Would I be thrown in prison ? I shut my eyes tightly at that thought. 

         I had switched off my phone. The last thing I wanted to do was answer everyone's questions. I sat on my bed, trying to ease my nerves. Tears rolled down my cheeks. My mind was torturing me with thoughts that were driving me crazy. I was about to call my dad to be with me when a thought hit me. He's losing his son because of me, his own daughter. He's already stressed. Am I ruining my family ? I mean if I wasn't here, my family would technically be happy. Am I overreacting ?

          A pocket knife lying on the dressing table caught my eye. I stared at it, having an internal debate. I looked at  my wrists. Nearly two months had passed without me touching the pocket knife. My hand slowly reached towards it. I felt a heavy feeling settle itself in my chest. The tears continued to fall. I clutched the knife tightly in my hand, still debating with myself. What if I just killed myself right now ? Would it solve all the problems ? 

          As I sat there, knife in hand in one hand, my door opened and my dad stepped in, "Lisa I-", he stopped mid-sentence as his eyes fell on me. His eyes switched between the knife and my face. Then, as if he just took in the situation, he ran over to me, "What the hell Lisa ?!", he shouted. He snatched the knife from my hand. "What were you planning to do Lisa ?", he asked, frantically checking my body for any scars.

          His eyes fell on the dried scars on my wrist, and he froze. All this while, I was crying hysterically. He slowly looked my way. His eyes were filled with guilt. He looked sad, broken, and absolutely wreaked. Looking at him made me feel guilty about even thinking about hurting myself. Without uttering a word, he hugged me. I completely broke down crying. My nose was running, my eyes were swollen, but I didn't care about any of it. I could feel him shaking as he sobbed. We cried and cried until there were no tears left . "I failed you", my dad said, looking defeated. I shook my head, wiping my tears. "Lisa, I don't want to lose my daughter. Please Lisa, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I know I messed up. I should've been there for you". I shook my head, "It's fine now dad. I know it is going to be okay. I have you with me now", I said. It was clear that he didn't believe me, but he didn't say anything. He asked me to tell him everything, and I did. It felt good.

          For all my life, I thought that opening up to someone or being vulnerable in font of someone fucks you up. But at that moment, talking to my dad, I knew I was wrong. Sometimes it's better to be vulnerable that being hurt.

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Author's Note :

Hey. (smiles nervously)

So yes, I know this update is late and I'm really really sorry. I was sick with viral fever and couldn't even sit up. Really sorry.

Anyways, did you like the chapter ? 

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Lots of love.