CHAPTER 33

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[Aditi]
It was straight 5.30 AM when I went back home. I kind of sneaked into the house and went into my room. I just freshened up. My head was paining like hell. 4 bottles of beer in a hour... What else should I expect? I wanted to make myself a glass of lemonade but I thought aunty would be in the kitchen and so I didn't go into the kitchen. I just slid into my outfit and went for college. I had 3 hours for my college to begin... Fucking 3 hours!! I went to the nearby tea stall and with a cup of tea and a cigarette I was off to mike. As I entered the forest, he was nowhere to be seen. Maybe he has gone out somewhere or someone must have taken him. I took out the cigarette and lighted it. I just sat down there and looked at the just risen sun. I knew my eyes would be looking red, puffy and swollen but that doesn't matter. I was just looking at the sky... I didn't know why but I was feeling like my world is going to cripple apart... Each part of my broken heart was going to be broken again... I just wanted to shook off the feeling but... I couldn't. While thinking all this, I just took out my phone and saw the time. It was nearly 7.45 AM. I knew it would be so early to go to college and I didn't want to go back home. I took out another cigarette and lit it up. I sat there for the next 45 minutes, recalling each and every moment I spent with him... I felt better thinking about him... Before even I could realise, I was in love with him... Yes I was... But deep inside I knew, I never deserved anyone as pure and as chaste as him. And we never stood a chance with each other. This feeling just was just killing me more and more. This is why I hated love. It makes u strong if the person whom u love accepts u... But it makes u weak if u know they can never be yours. I got up from my place and walked out of the forest. It took me exact 20 minutes to reach the college. My eyes were continuously searching for him. I was walking through the corridors when I bumped into someone. "Sorry... ", I said without looking up. "U should look while walking D", I heard a female voice and I looked up. Yes it was him. "Oh... Aditi", he said. From when did I turn into Aditi from Adi? "She is Prakriti... My childhood best friend... She had left for Dubai after 10 and now she is back", he said and I just nodded briefly. "Surprisingly... I am back", the girl said. "OK... Then... U guys continue... M having some work ", I made an excuse to get out from there. It was difficult for me. "Hey... Had u been crying? ", she asked. "No.. And don't worry about me... ", I said even if I knew that I never mattered. I walked away to the washroom and splash water harshly on my face. I just wanted to disappear now. I was losing everything what I had started getting again. I went into my class and  I saw both of them sitting together. He was continuously smiling and laughing and she was playfully hitting him. I smiled at their innocence and went to some other place. I know my eyes must be looking like someone has pierced them.
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I finally found an apartment. It was some 12 at night so I didn't want to disturb anyone so I thought to say in the morning. I could meet Darshan only in the college but couldn't talk to him. He was busy with Prakriti and gang. I just called Rahul and asked him to say about it whenever he asks about it. I never talked with his family after that day. I just packed my bags and went away without saying anyone anything. I settled down in my new apartment. It was small and congested but I guess... It's okay. It's only me who is going to stay here and no one else. I just took out two bottles of beer and drank them one after another. I don't know when and how I fell asleep on the floor leaning against the wall with the empty bottle because the next thing I know was the sun rays falling directly on my face through the window forcing me to wake up. I could feel a cool breeze along with the sun rays. I didn't want to face him for a few days... So I decided to stay back. I made myself a glass of lemonade. I had a lot of work to do and all by myself. I couldn't call Rajesh and Swikruti as they were busy in their own world and.... Darshan.... Well I don't know how to face him. I walked into the mall after cleaning the room and fixing my clothes. It was some 10 in the morning. I brought all the necessary items and went back. Isn't it weird that I expect him to come to me and pull me into a tight hug even when I know he won't? I was a person who would brush off all the feelings in the world... Just to show that 'I AM FINE' but actually I would be broken and shattered... I would hide my black past in a white act to show that I never went through any hardships... I hate the way I am... But it is who I am after all!!

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