Not Again |[D.S]| 2

67.

Maddie's POV

It's been a week. One solid flat week. I haven't gotten any sleep. I've been sleeping in my bed with Jack, while Zach and Daniel get the guest bedroom, and Jonah and Corbyn are downstairs.

Every night I just find myself looking up at the ceiling and imagining what would my life would be like without kissing Daniel after that stupid high school party. What would my life be like if I never went to Bora Bora or Hawaii?

I shift and turn. My legs prickly as I rub them together. I'm cold and haven't taken a shower since the boys arrived. It has been a week and I didn't once want to go into the shower. I don't want to do anything anymore.

I've been lounging around the house my mind still telling me not to go into the kitchen yet until I feel comfortable so all my food has been made from the boys or ordered.

I don't think my mind has completely taken in the thought of my dad being gone. He's not here anymore and all I have are my friends a guy that I love...it's complicated and my mother along with my brother who I haven't spoken to in so long.

My brain has been taken away by the though of Daniel wanting to marry me when he says he doesn't deserve me. Small things he does, like he gets so close to me and will play around but the second after he realizes what he's doing he doesn't deserve it and he stops. I wish he would never realize what he's doing. He's taking my mind off my dad.

I'm not forgetting my dad but I need to move on one way and focus on my life. I can't keep looking at the past. The funeral is tomorrow and my heart can't stop beating when I think about it.

I'm also supposed to get my ashes tomorrow from my dad's body. He was so loved, such a good man and he didn't deserve it. Didn't deserve to die like Daniel doesn't deserve to be so mean to himself like that.

The only thing that hurts me about that statement is that the words doesn't and didn't are different time zones.

I feel like crying again. Every night I check if Jack is asleep and when he is I sneak out of the house sitting on the back swing and walking along the bridge my dad build over the small stream in our backyard.

I've looked at the stars and the sky, getting mesmerized by the sparkling shape and the breeze running through my hair.

My eyes feel like they could fall out with how tired I am. I have a headache and I can't stop thinking about all the things that have happened and what will happen.

My future. My past. Not what's happening right now, but I know if I wanna get past this I need to focus on what's going on right now...even though I have no idea what exactly is going on right now.

Hey Mads,

Corbyn and I have already go to go see everything in town. Thinking of you and buying you something along with Dinner. Zach and Jack have also left to go late night putt putting and think we should all meet up there tonight. See you soon, Daniel's still home if you need anything.

Jonah :)

"Oh of course, Daniel's still home if I need anything-

"You need something Maddie?" Daniel's voice scares me as he walks down the stairs and into the kitchen where I found the note on the island. This small island, where so many memories were made.

"Nope, I'm, I'm good," I laugh as I stutter and I feel Daniel behind me wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, resting his chin on my shoulder. I can feel heat radiating off of his bare chest and the white blanket around his shoulders, trailing to the floor.