Messed Up Love

29

I'm scared. Hindi me bolu to Bahut zyada fatt rahi hai. Its Pankhuri's birthday today and Hardik has ordered me to come there. and knowing who all are going to be there is literally killing me because chances are the people I'm going to meet will definitely try to kill me. I told Hardik that i'll meet Pankhuri alone but he, he could never listen to me.

For sure Rahul is going to be there and that in itself is very scary after our last encounter. his words still echo in my ear sometimes, and as far as I remember. i slapped him. not like I'm complaining because he deserved that slap but now when I think of it. it makes me sad that i slapped him. i mean he was already very upset and then having dinner with must have irked him. so i don't know how I'm going to face him, well honestly i didn't know that earlier also but now it has become scarier.

currently, I'm on my way to Pandya house and if you'll try to listen carefully you can hear my heart pounding like the banjo. and i feel like it can burst out any second now. anyways, i just entered th gates of House and this place looks jam-packed. i take out the gift i bought for Pankhuri and start walking looking for Hardik. i don't know if I'm assuming or everybody is actually staring at me because i can feel a lot of people's gaze on me. i take a deep breath and continue walking and Thankfully I spot Hardik along with his two dogs. so, i walk up to him but suddenly someone collided with me " I'm so sorry, I was trying to move away from my friends" I looked up to find Pankhuri straightening her dress. i collect all the courage "It's Okay. Happy Birthday, Madwoman" as I wished her I could see her going stiff for a second and then looking up at me with a very angry face.  she took a long breath " I don't remember inviting you" "amm__" " I invited her Pankhu" Hardik interrupted us. "Harry, are you serious? you know what she has done." "I know, but at least listen to her. and it's better not to create a scene here" "Guys, I'm sorry. i shouldn't have come here. I'll leave" "Harry__" i stop Hardik in middle " Pankhuri this is for you" i said handing her the gift.

i was in the parking area, opening my car door when someone called my name "Harshita" i turned to find Pankhuri. she came up to me with full rage and hugged me, hugged me? "Pankhuri?" "You remembered " " how can i forget?" she broke the hug and smiled. " I never thought that you would still remember it" "i can totally understand" " I tried to search for it everywhere but couldn't find it" "I was in Paris when i saw this pendant of girl sitting with her dog and it reminded  me of you telling me how you want a pendant in memory of your dog.so i bought it" "you remember this but not that i asked you to always be with me" my smile disappeared in a second. "Now, will you hug me and say sorry or you want to have a slap?" she said and i started laughing and hugged her tightly.

I'm currently sitting with Krunal Bhai, Harry and Pankhuri and laughing when everyone just went numb as if a ghost is standing behind me. so, I turn to see who it is? only to find a person scarier than a ghost and as everyone else even my smile vanished. "Hey bro, Btw you're late," Krunal Bhai said trying to ease up the tension in the air. "sorry Bhai. happy birthday, Pankhuri" Rahul wished Pankhuri, not once looking at me. Pankhuri Hugged him and thanked him for the gift."Amm..guys i'll just get a drink for myself " with that i excused myself from that awkward situation and literally went to grab a drink because i desperately need it.

I was in my second drink when i felt his presence near me, i turned around and there he was in his gull glory looking like a star that he is. "One whiskey on the rocks please," he asked Bartender and took a seat beside me. i ignored him and concentrated on my drink when i hear him say "I'm sorry" i turn around to face him. he was looking at me "what?" i asked in confusion "I said i'm sorry for last time. i shouldn't have said all that stuff ro you" i scoffed at that and stood up to leave from there. Does he really think his sorry will make me feel good? he is the only man in my life who's words actually matter to me and he's the only one who said all the things which are still so hurtful. 

I was in another floor of Pandya House In Hardik's room because i wanted some time alone and away from K L Rahul. i was leaving the room when Rahul pushed me inside and locked the door of the room "Mr. KL, wtf is this?" "i said i'm sorry. But you've to ignore me" "Rahul open the door, i don't want people to actually think the way you think about me" "I won't open the door until you forgive me"" Really? Mr. KL? This is wonderful. first say shit about someone, hurt them and then say sorry. You know how your words affect me, Rahul, you fucking knew. i know i have made mistake in the past but that doesn't mean that you would say any fucking shit about me. You have no fucking idea what all i went through to achieve what i have today.and you're saying that all my hard work and dedication was nothing instead i have been whoring around? " By now i had tears rolling down my face and i was taking hiccups in between my words "I know i was wrong. the words i took out for you were wrong. will you please stop crying? you know i can't see you cry" i scoffed at his words "what an irony? when you're the reason i have been crying for almost three years now" he stared at me with a tight jaw and red eyes "What do you expect me to say? huh? you were the one who left me behind. you are the one who gave me the deepest wound pf my life. you are the one who i never wanted to see again. you are the one who is back in my life and is in the mission to steal all my friends. you are the one who's getting married soon and still kissed me, giving me a false hope that you still love me. so, Harshi i'm not the only one at fault here. two fucking years. for two fucking years, i have been trying to forget you and when i thought that i can do that you came back in my life putting all the things i did in the process to forget you in vain. i agree i was wrong but even you know i'm not the only one at fault here harshi. I loved you and you left obviously i'll be angry" " I am definitely not in the mission of stealing your friends Rahul, and i apologize for what i did in past. at that time i only had that choice and it seems better. and you really think i slept around?" we both were standing so close my face was all wet with tears. he shook his head and held my hand " No. i know you're not that kind of a woman. Seriously i didn't mean any of it. i was just pissed at something else and poured all of it on you. i am sorry please" "I know, Hardik told me, but Rahul. please dont ever think that low of me i would not be able to bear it. your words affect me and i dont go around kissing people. i kissed you that night because i love you. " as soon as i finished saying i saw a shocked rahul and then his lips on mine. he was kissing me, his hands were around my waist, i snaked my hands around his neck and kissed him back. the kiss we wre sharing was filled with the love and passion we had for each othe. this kiss fellt exactly like our first kiss n on his balcony. our lips were moving in sync when i realized what i said to him, i told him i love him. with that i pushed him and ran towards the door unlocked it and left.

I cant let everything go in vain. i can't tell him i love him and ruin everything again. i pushed him away from me for a reason and i can not have him back. i just cant.