The Fate of Kailea

6| Blue

^Remy^

"Useless, that's what you are," 

Vanessa scowls as I give her my only jacket to keep her warm. I'm so used to my mate's affectionate words that it doesn't even hurt as much as it used to. 

"I'm sorry, I told you I had to find Mason and family to see if they made it out okay," I reminded her but she rolled her large brown eyes and flipped back her raven black hair. 

"You know I really hoped and prayed you had died in that tsunami Remy, maybe then I would have had the chance of getting a mate who would actually care about me for a change," Her words were like battery acid for the soul, but she's my mate so I assume this is just how it usually is when you have a soulmate. 

"Vanessa, how many times do I have to apologize? I even brought you something to eat," I offered the brown paper bag to her and she grunts with displeasure.  

"I really hate you, I hope you know that. I would have been happier as an unmated female than with you constantly rushing to your Alpha Mason. Why don't you become his mate instead?" Vanessa spits out as she looks inside the bag and grabs a bread roll, taking a bite.

 My stomach growled just watching her. Since we were on a ship, our meals were rationed and I used mine to get her something to eat since she's too lazy to get out of bed. It had been a while since I could even remember that last time I had been able to eat but she needs it considering she three months pregnant with our baby.

"I won't leave your side until tomorrow, I promise. I'll look after you and the baby," I tried to apologize again but she wasn't having it. 

"I don't even want this thing cause it's yours. You're going to be a shitty father if this is how you treat your mate, Remy. I can already tell it would be better off dead," She smacks her lips as she pokes her small bump that she refused to let me touch. 

I know I'm going to be a terrible father. She's drilled that into my head since day one. But by the Goddess, I love this little being so much that I can't even stand the thought of its early death. 

"Don't say things like that Vanessa," I warn her, fearing the baby might feel unwanted and abandon me altogether. 

"You know what, I don't want you here anymore. Just seeing your face upsets me so you can apologize to me by disappearing," She waves her hand like I'm some kind of dog she expects and I respect her wishes. 

"Okay um, I love you," I try to give her a small smile but my heart was practically scratching against my chest in indescribable pain. 

"Yeah and I'll never love you so get the fuck out of here," She points to the bay's door and I nod, standing up slowly and walking out the door. Each step I took was heavier than the last and I feel like the air is going to suffocate me at any moment. 

After a bit of wandering, I end up on the corner of the main deck. Taking a seat on a bench close to the edge so I could watch the sun setting over the multicolored horizon.

If I jump off this edge right now would Vanessa be happier? Would our baby get a chance of having the father they deserve? She's right, I'm not going to be any good for the little one anyway. 

Would I die instantly or would I drown slowly into the blue hues while being rocked to sleep by the forgiving ocean's gentle hands?

Death by the ocean would probably be the most love I've ever received and even that I'm undeserving of. 

Sitting back, I let out a long sigh and catch the single tear that slips down my cheek. Soaking it up in my fingertip, I stared at the drop of moisture for a few seconds. Why am I crying? I have nothing to bitch about. This is what the goddess thought I deserved right? 

I must have done something horribly wrong in a past life to be tortured eternally in this one. 

"You look like you've got the weight of the world on your shoulders kiddo, was watching over the pack really that hard?" I'm caught off guard as Mason slides onto the bench and hands me a warm styrofoam cup. 

"No, I just had other things on my mind, shouldn't you be with your family?" I asked and I thought he wanted me to hold the cup for him as he sat down but he had his own so this must be for me. 

The small gesture brings an unfamiliar warmth to my chest as I take a small sip of the hot caramel flavored coffee. 

"Yeah and you're apart of it. So tell me what's going on," Mason says but he must be sarcastic or something. I'm pretty sure if my mate doesn't even want to consider me family no one else does. 

"Nothing, just thinking about Vanessa and the baby. If I'll even be a good dad you know?" I shrug it off like it's nothing and he gives my shoulder a hard punch. 

"What are you talking about Remy? Of course, you're going to be an amazing dad, why are you even questioning this?" He lies to my face and I quietly trace a small ring around the edge of my coffee cup. 

"Yeah you're right," I go along with it and he wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me closer to him. 

"Hey, I'm sure about this Rem, we've known each other for how long?" He jokes and I take another sip of coffee. Mason's always been like an older brother to me and I appreciate his kindness, even if he's only trying to make me feel better. 

"Who knows, maybe one of our kids will be mated to each other," Mason winks and I roll my eyes.

"God, I hope not," I chuckle and he ruffles my hair before standing up.

"Well, I've got babies of my own to tend to but you know you can always come to me with anything right?" He asks and I nod, hoping he can't see through the wall I'm trying so hard to hold up.

I'm in the emergency bay

Venessa's calm voice comes through our bond and I dropped my coffee as I rush off the deck as fast I can through the main bays until I reach the back of the ship where the medical bay was. Finding her in her own room with a doctor putting away and ultrasound machine. 

"What happened?" I asked and the doctor looked somber while Venessa has a grin like I had never seen before. 

"Nothing, just the thing died," She shrugs and I was in such shock that I didn't register what she said and looked at the doctor. 

"I'm afraid she had a miscarriage, I'll be back in a bit with the medication," She says before leaving the room as my heart breaks to pieces. 

"Oh come on, don't tell me you actually cared about it," Vanessa laughed as I stood at the door frame, just barely holding on. I had to sit down and hold my head in my hands as I processed everything. 

"Remy, you can't be serious, man up for god's sake." She taunts me and I think of the beautiful child we lost.

But maybe it's better this way. Because Vanessa was right. I'm not a good mate so I certainly wouldn't have been a good father anyway. 

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Its 3am and I'm writing this while watching over my little puppy Grayson. He's been super sick since midnight but we have to wait until 8 to bring him to the vet. Don't know what's wrong with him but I guess we'll soon see.