The Fate of Kailea

16| The Truth Untold

~Mason~

"At least they're asleep," 

I whisper to Noah as we stand in the doorway, watching our two little ones sleep safely in their beds. Waylon curled up into a little ball while snuggling his stuffed rabbit close while Juniper starfished on her back. 

"Yeah, she sleeps just like you and Wae sleeps like Tris," Noah sighs as with a small smile that makes me think he's getting over what happened earlier. Honestly, I didn't mean to say that, I was just so mad that I couldn't control my tongue. 

"She's one hundred percent all your attitude and personality though which makes me more sympathetic towards your parents," I say without thinking, partially because I'm an idiot and partially because it's currently three in the morning. 

If it were any other day, I would have gotten a light punch to the shoulder or a kiss on the cheek with Noah agreeing with me. 

But because I fucked up, Noah's smile instantly fades into a straight face and he blinks a few times. 

"Are you saying our daughter is too selfish for you too?" He asks before turning around and walking back down the hall. I carefully close the door to the twin's room before rushing to catch up to him. 

"Noah!" I hiss his name in the dark as he climbs up the stairs and I double-time after him. 

"Noah, I'm sorry. I really didn't mean any of those things I swear. I was just upset and not thinking straight!" I grab hold of his arm at the top of the stair but the familiar spark doesn't appear, which means I fucked up in a bigger way than I could possibly imagine.

He stops immediately and I let go of him, in the dark castle corridor I wasn't able to see his face and he was shutting me out so much so that I didn't have the slightest clue as to what he was feeling. 

"To you my actions might appear selfish, but have you once stopped and thought of my side?" He asks but I once I try to answer in more apologies he interrupts me. 

"Did you ever stop and think that while it might have been just an engagement ring locked in a drawer, to me you were hiding something, You never hide anything, especially not from me and suddenly you're sneaking around, avoiding my gaze, even telling Remy, but keeping it a secret. And yeah, I fucking get it, but how was I supposed to know what it was? I thought you were planning to attack another pack or something serious and leaving me out of it to protect me just because I'm your mate so of course, I was pissed," He explains but he wasn't stopping there. 

"And then you asked me why I listened to Anu? Like you could ever possibly fathom what it's like to live half your life thinking you're a normal human being and suddenly you've got an ancestral God at the back of your head saying shit that sometimes makes no sense! He predicted the whole tsunami, he gave our children's wolves their names before they even have them. He told me after that the reason why I had to pull out is because if Tristan even attempted to conceive one of my demon spawn he would die midway through or miscarry because his body can't handle having some strange God-like creature inside him. And we both know that if it was between Tristan and our baby which one he would choose," Noah continues. 

"How do I tell Tristan that without appearing 'Selfish'? Huh? How do I tell him Waylon and Juniper are the only kids we're ever going to have together because you can't handle it? He's going to think it's because I don't want him to and I'm not only mad at you, but he's going to go into a depression because of me and here the fuck I am. Unable to control anything and yet everything is my fault!" Noah's voice starts to crack but I was frozen in place. I haven't seen Noah cry since the day I found him in the tsunami, but he's crying now. 

"You know why I hated my parents so much after the divorce? Well, it started with the incident because they all knew. My mom, my dad, all of my siblings knew what happened to Papa when he was younger. All the gritty details of where his PTSD originated from and his other attacks that happened. And yet, there I was in the midst of it totally naive. Ruining my relationship with my Papa for years with everyone blaming me for the attempted suicide," I tried to reach out for him but he rejects any comfort I could offer. 

"But you know when I finally found out? The day before my dad's wedding, years later when this information is no longer of use to me. You would think that maybe if I knew my own poor sweet Papa's parent had been assassinated, he was bought off the black market after he saved his own baby brother, then held as hostage sex slave to a pedophile doctor from the time he was fourteen to when he was twenty-one when he was finally found and freed."

"I thought he was on anti-depressants and a ton of other medication because he was dramatic. Sometimes I even asked my mom and dad if he was an addict. I mean he had a perfect life? What did he have to be sad about? Tons of money, two loving husbands, six beautiful children. So why did he suddenly have a flashback where he started choking my mother until he died on our living room floor? Oh, maybe because he thought mom was his attacker for a hot minute? It all makes sense now!"

"And now I feel bad! Now I'm sympathetic! But it's too fucking late because all I'm left with is the guilt and the shame. The shame of blaming my Papa for so many things that were never his fault. The guilt from my entire family keeping that secret like I wasn't even apart of it. Like I wasn't worthy of hearing it. What's wrong with me Mason! Why didn't they just tell me! I could handle it, I can handle anything!"

 Noah starts hyperventilating and he loses control of the wall he had built. I could feel a rush of his anxiety, guilt, and deepest depression. 

The emotions override my own and just feeling my mate's pain without even beginning to imagine what he was going through had a tear falling down my cheek. 

"But fuck I'm sorry. I'm really just making all of this about me again, aren't I? it's all my fault, right? I mean the only reason why I'm existing is just so I can be a pain in the ass to every God damn person in my life so you know what? Here, I really don't deserve it. Take it back and give it to someone else for all I care. You don't even need me because you already have a Beta and I'm being selfish in making him share his place which I never asked for. Fuck, forget it just go! Have your normal wolf babies with Tristan and be just happy. I'm starting to think everyone here would be better off without me anyway," Noah takes off his engagement ring and drops it on the stone floor with a gentle clink before walking back down the stairs. 

"Noah whe-"

"Don't follow me," 

Was the last thing he said to me before turning the corner while I stood here in a state of emotional shock. 

I wipe the tears from my face and pick up his ring from the floor before and force myself to continue walking to our wing's door. 

There's only one person who could fix this now.

And that was Tristan.

*******************

I was in my car and it was dark and raining when this song came on and I just thought of my poor Noah and how not a lot of people, including readers, understand him. 

Probably one of the more emotional monologues of my writing career and I don't say that often.