Exchange// Billie Eilish

Chapter 46

Ellie's POV

Apparently last night was one of many, many, many fuck ups and mistakes.

The conversation or more so argument I had with Serena and then Billie was still a little fuzzy but for the most part I remember what had happened.

And I'm not sure if I'm regretful or relieved of my apparent singleness. I'm not upset yet, I know it will hit me after all my embarrassment and shock wears off but now I'm just numb.

God, if there's anything that I remember clearly from last night it's the broken look in her eyes that made me feel just as broken. Her eyes lost their blue sparkle, no more love or adoration and were just... dull.

And I guess I felt dull in the moment too. To which I turned to vodka for according to Mak.

She found me sitting on the kitchen counter with a random girl between my legs as we talked and laughed together while sharing a bottle of vodka.

I'm honestly so surprise I didn't end up in hospital to get my stomach pumped. She then pulled me away from the random girl who I was being really flirty with and then asked me what happened between Billie and I because she saw Billie looking really upset with a bottle in her hand while Serena talked her ear off.

And I'd apparently told her I was 'completely and utterly done with Billie's bullshit', even though she could barely understand me from how much I was slurring in my drunken state.

She asked me if I was ok and I said I was feeling better than ever then pulled her to the kitchen, grabbed a bottle of Midori and went to find Gia because I wanted to make Billie jealous and have a threesome with them, which is extremely embarrassing.

Even though Gia and Mak declined I still pulled Mak into a bedroom and Gia followed while laughing her ass of at my determination and I won't repeat myself, but I apparently used pickup lines on them too.

"That still doesn't explain why we are all in our underwear though" I said to Gia.

"I'm not done Ellie" she scolded "before you could try and get in our pants" she snickered "you threw up over all of us in the bathroom when we rushed you in and—"

"Stop, I'm sorry I ruined your clothes" I cut her off and groaned before plopping onto the bed "you don't need to finish talking, I understand now. God" I screamed into the pillow "I'm so embarrassed, last night was so horrible"

"One more thing though E" Mak rubbed my back "after you threw everything up you also said some..." she looked at Gia then back and me and frowned before grabbing my hand "alarming stuff"

Alarming? Stuff?

"Like what?" I asked confused.

"Well at first you cried, like really cried. Body racking with sobs and then you got really quiet and began mumbling shit like you just wanted to forget everything and that nothing was worth it anymore because you felt like the world was against you..."

Not having any recollection of these events I frowned and tried remembering but nothing came up. I must have been majorly black-out drunk.

"They were just drunk words" I brushed it off "I'm fine, really I am" I gave them a fake smile.

"Ellie" Mak grabbed my hand "you don't need to lie to us, we're here for you. We know you're beyond stressed and that your aunt showed up last night. Is that why you went wild?"

They're onto me, I can't let them worry about me. I'm fine, it's fine "No" I shook my head "it's a small contributor but I just wanted to get really drunk last night. Really guys I'm fine" I emphasised the 'fine' to reiterate my lie.