save me; kv

chapter 40

"are you ok?", taehyung asks after they cried together for a while and jeongguk told him about how he knows that his mother passed away.

jeongguk nods but still rests his head on taehyung's chest, not planning to let him go.

his mother died because of a stroke. she was only 42 years old.

"i love you.", jeongguk says as he snuggles closer to taehyung and hugs his belly tighter than before.

"i love you too.", taehyung says and kisses his head. he has to try not to giggle at jeongguk's cuteness. he never showed his soft side that extremely.

"you're hungry, aren't you?", jeongguk asks and to be honest taehyung feels like starving but he doesn't want jeongguk to let go of him just so taehyung can eat.

"no, not that much-"

"stop lying babe. c'mon.", he says and lets go of taehyung to sit up. "the burgers i bought for namjoon and jin are still left but i can go and buy some new-"

"it's ok baby, don't worry.", he says with a smile and jeongguk nods.

"you wanna watch a movie?", taehyung asks as jeongguk comes back with the burgers.

jeongguk nods and lays down next to taehyung again, not feeling hungry.

~

jeongguk has become super super clingy. the whole movie he has hugged taehyung's belly and didn't let him go when he wanted to throw away the burger king bags. "you can do it later.", he said.

now taehyung wants to pee but jeongguk doesn't want to let him go. "where you going?", he asks, almost panicking and taehyung quickly puts his hand on jeongguk's head, slowly fondling his hair.

"i just need to pee baby, i'll be right back.", he explains and jeongguk nods and finally lets go of him.

taehyung figured out that jeongguk becomes super clingy when he's sad. not letting him go for a couple hours is the proof of that.

taehyung would never complain though, he thinks it's super cute and he would do everything to comfort jeongguk. and when the only thing he can do is cuddling him, then hell yeah, he will do it.

when taehyung goes back to the livingroom, he sees that jeongguk isn't laying on the couch anymore and just stood up.

"what's wrong?", taehyung asks.

"i need to smoke.", he just answers and taehyung nods. he doesn't like the look on jeongguk's face, he looks so sad and kind of stressed at the same time.

he looks around, still staying at the same spot. he sighs loudly. he says something but he says it so quietly that taehyung can't understand him.

"what?"

"i can't find my cigarettes!", he suddenly says way too loudly, making taehyung flinch extremely. but jeongguk doesn't notice that, he's too busy with looking for his cigarettes.

"i need to find them! i need to- i need to-"

taehyung really worries about him now. he goes closer to him and grabs his hand to hold it softly but jeongguk quickly pulls away, turning his head away to look for his cigarettes.

"hey.", taehyung says and grabs jeongguk's hand again. this time jeongguk doesn't pull away but he still doesn't look at taehyung.

"i need to find them, i need to-"

"babe, look at me."

jeongguk panicks harder than before.

"i need to find them. my cigarettes i need to find them.", he says and sounds crazy. taehyung could swear that jeongguk's eyes are getting watery right now.

jeongguk starts to panick hardly, he doesn't even breathe properly anymore.

"my cigarettes", he repeats over and over again and now he tries to pull back again but taehyung snaps at him. "jeongguk!", he yells and jeongguk flinches, before he finally looks at taehyung with big eyes.

and just like taehyung could already see that this would happen, he pulls jeongguk into his arms as he starts to sob again.

"i-i'm s-so s-sorry, i-"

"psh, it's okay.", taehyung says and starts to stroke the back of his head. "it's okay.", he repeats as he's listening to the heartbreaking sobs of his boyfriend.

"everything's fine baby, you'll be fine.", he says and jeongguk can't show it but even though he's sobbing, he couldn't describe how much taehyung's calming words help him. it makes him feel like he's not alone and he feels so loved.

"you're so strong. it's okay to cry, i love you.", he says and jeongguk clings to taehyung even harder than
before now.

but still he feels guilty. he feels guilty for breaking down the second time now and that taehyung has to calm him again. he doesn't want to cry but he can't help it.

he hates how weak he feels. he feels so weak and he knows the way he acts right now just doesn't fit his outward appearance and it makes him feel like a fool.

he doesn't even know anymore if the only reason he cries is the death of his mother. he hasn't cried in two years and he kept so many emotions inside of him and it feels like everything's coming out now and the death of his mother was a big release button.

he also stresses about the funeral that will be in a week. he doesn't want to see his abusive father again after three years. he doesn't want to see all the people that know that jeongguk ran away and think about what a terrible son he is. he doesn't want to see the grave of his mother after not having talked to her in three years.

"t-the f-funeral i-is n-next w-week.", jeongguk says since he haven't told taehyung about it yet. "do you want me to come with you?", taehyung asks and jeongguk nods. "mhm."

"okay. i'll be with you and everything will be alright. you don't have to worry."

jeongguk nods again. "i love you."

"i love you too."