Skulduggery Pleasant gets Facebook

Cyberbullying

A/N The idea for this chapter comes from chloedra You should really check their story out.

Random user 1: I hear that the Skeleton's brain power is deteriorating

Random user 2: Oh yeah that Skulduggery guy

Skulduggery: Skulduggery Pleasant thank you very much and I am fairly certain my brain power is not deteriorating.

Random user 1: Your days are over skeleton. You should really quit as a detective

Skulduggery: Oh my days were over years ago. Couple centuries ago really. But you know, I'm alive and kicking.

Random user 2: One day you're going to die. I'm going to kill you

Skulduggery: That day's already come and gone. Kill me? Serpine tried that.

Random user 1: And he succeeded didn't he. And my friend and I here are much stronger than Serpine

Skulduggery: He killed me but did you hear that I got my revenge and he died a very painful death later

Valkyrie: He was instantly turned into nothing with the Sceptre. Not exactly the most painful death

Skulduggery: Well... the notion is terrifying

Random user 1: Well Random user 2 and I are much stronger than Serpine. We have learnt the trick of his red right hand

Skulduggery: Two things. One, don't flatter yourself. Serpine might have been an evil, ugly, egotistical enemy and I was better than him in any way but he was never ever weak. Oh and two, did no one mention that the red right hand doesn't work on me? I guess you hadn't heard about that. That just proves my point that you aren't anyone important. Even weak villains know about this.

Random user 2: We uh... momentarily forgot

Random user 1: Mhm of course we heard about your immunity to the red right hand. We are the most important people in the English Sanctuary

Skulduggery: Well I happen to be quite good friends with the Grand Mage of the English Sanctuary. Perhaps I should ask him as to who you two are?

Random user 1: No you don't want to do that

Skulduggery: Hate to burst your bubble but I do want to do that. How many minutes do you think it will take for China Sorrow's cleavers that were just dispatched to reach your current location in Dublin and arrest you for pretending you are in the English Sanctuary as well trying to bully me.

Random user 1: Dublin? How did you know we were in Dublin?

Random user 2: You idiot! You're meant to pretend we aren't in Dublin!

Skulduggery: I even know your address

Random user 2: What is it?

Skulduggery: 68 King Street, Dalkey, Dublin

Random user 1: How did you know that?

Skulduggery: It saids on your Facebook profile

Random user 2: Oh uh...

Skulduggery:I suggest you end this conversation now. Actually you'd be better off deleting Facebook

Random user 1: No way

Skulduggery: Or I'm going to pay you a visit. Tonight. And it won't be pretty