Skulduggery Pleasant gets Facebook

Parents

Melissa: Stephanie are you okay?

Valkyrie: I'm fine

Desmond: I really think you should call her Val. Clearly she's more comfortable with it. Her Facebook name is Valkyrie

Valkyrie: I don't mind being called Stephanie. It's just most of my Facebook friends don't know that my name is Stephanie.

Desmond: See Melissa. We should call her Val

Melissa: But she's my Stephanie

Valkyrie: Seriously dad, either one is fine

Melissa: Where are you? When are you coming back home?

Valkyrie: Me and Skulduggery are solving this case. A man responsible for a massacre just escaped from jail just last week

Skulduggery: Hello Mr and Mrs Edgley. I assure you, you're daughter is fine. She had the flu last week but she's recovered since then

Melissa: You were sick? Did you take medicine? Do you want us to fly over to wherever you are?

Valkyrie: Mum, it was just a cold. I just took Panadol. Don't worry. I'm in Germany right now

Desmond: Weren't you in Germany last week?

Valkyrie: Um.. Dad I was in Italy last week.

Desmond: Sorry, you're just always travelling

Melissa: How are you guys going with the case?

Valkyrie: Fine. We know he's in Berlin somewhere

Desmond: If that murderer ever tries to attack you, grab Fletcher and come straight back home, you understand Valkyrie?

Valkyrie: I'm fine seriously. I've been doing this for a while. Since I was 12

Melissa: Well you didn't tell us back then. And if you had, we would've been like this all the time

Valkyrie: This is why I didn't want to tell you

Skulduggery: Mr and Mrs Edgley, if you want you can have your Stephanie back. I can always find a new partner

Valkyrie: Skulduggery?!

Desmond: Stephanie?

Skulduggery: Parents are always my priority

Valkyrie: No please. I like doing this. I can't stop solving crimes. What am I meant to do if I live a non-magical life?

Skulduggery: May I suggest stamp-collecting? Or perhaps being a school-teacher

Valkyrie: Stop it Skulduggery

Skulduggery: Only kidding, you'd be terrible at the job

Valkyrie: I'm not impressed with you right now

Skulduggery: I'm joking. There's no way I'm returning my detective puppy back to her parents

Valkyrie: Puppy?

Skulduggery: Fine... partner

Valkyrie: Thank you

Skulduggery: Anyhow... I'm sorry Mr and Mrs Edgley, I can't give Valkyrie back to you

Valkyrie: My parents probably don't like you very much.

Skulduggery: I can't imagine why

Valkyrie: Well first, you called their daughter a puppy then you told them you can't give them their daughter

Skulduggery: Well do you want me to return you to your parents?

Valkyrie: Stop making it sound like I'm a library book

Skulduggery: Sorry

Valkyrie: Did the great Skeleton Detective just apologise to me?

Skulduggery: Maybe.. probably not.

Desmond: Stephanie when will you be home?

Valkyrie: Next week, I promise. I'll come to your house

Melissa: It's just we miss having you around Steph, stay safe

Valkyrie: I will mum

Melissa: We love you darling

Desmond: Although recently you have been replaced with Alice

Alice: Yup mum and dad love me more

Melissa: Alice! You can't have Facebook! I told you, you can get it when you're 13

Alice: Stay safe big sis

Valkyrie: Haha I will. Love you all

Desmond: Alice.. you're so grounded