just a fan // grayson dolan

2.9

A few weeks go by and everything is amazing. Grayson and I pick up a routine. We wake up and spend a little time together before I go home to do my school work. My teachers just keep uploading more and more assignments and it's draining me.

After I finish what school work I have to do for that day, I go back to Gray's and we make dinner or help Lisa make dinner. Then, we cuddle and watch movies or a tv show before bed. It's a very casual routine, but I love it.

As Grayson and I lay down for bed tonight, he turns to face me.

"Can I talk to you?" He questions nervously. My heart rate speeds up almost immediately.

"Yeah, of course" I answer. He plays with his fingers.

"How would you feel about us, going public? Like fully" He asks carefully. I frown.

"Gray, we've talked about this" I sigh. He huffs lightly.

"I just wanna be able to show you off, Gracie. I wanna be able to take you on dates without worry about someone posting pictures online. I want to be able to post about you whenever I want. I want it all" He explains. I look down. I can't be that girl.

"Everyone would hate me and it would bring so much negativity to you and Ethan and I can't do that to you guys. I'm not someone to go public with" I respond, my words coming out a little more sharp than I intend. He stares at me for a second.

"I don't care. Who cares about those types of people? Our fans will stick up for us, I know they will, please, baby" He begs. I shake my head again.

"I care! I can't be that girl, Gray" I say quietly.

"Who hurt you?" He whispers back. I furrow my eyebrows.

"What?" I respond.

"Who hurt you? Who made you like this? To where I can't even post one selfie of us without you freaking out about it, you shouldn't care what they think" He rants, his tone growing angry. I let out a breath.

"I don't know if you remember, but the last time you posted a picture of us, I got hundreds of messages telling me to kill myself for being around you! And they didn't even know me! Can you imagine what they would send if they found out we're dating? How much they would hate me? They all used to be my friends, I used to be able to go to any one of them with my problems and now I can't even do that" I rant back, my voice cracking at the end. He furrows his eyebrows, his eyes full of hurt as he watches me stand up and put my shoes on.

"Where are you going? Come back to bed and talk to me" He tells me quietly, sounding worried.

"I'm going home" I mumble, grabbing my phone. He stands up and takes a few short steps to me, grabbing my hand to stop me.  

"Please just stay and let's talk about this" He pleads. I take my hand back and wipe my eyes.

"Stop talking to me" I snap back. The hurt in his eyes only grows, making me feel terrible. I leave his room with him following closely behind me.

"Gracie, let's talk, please. we don't have to go public, just stay" He whispers. I hold back from rolling my eyes.

"Just give me space, Grayson, I need time to think," I tell him, opening the front door and stepping through. He whimpers at my words. My heart drops at the sound, but I have to hold my ground. He has to understand that I'm not strong enough to take all of the hate. I can't do it.

I climb into my car and start it, driving away before he can try to stop me again.

When I get home, I go straight downstairs and into my bed. I finally let myself fully cry, holding my hand over my mouth so my mother can't hear the sobs that shake my body. It's not like she would care anyway.