just a fan // grayson dolan

3.4

it has to get bad before it gets better, but it will get better soon promise!

I spend the next month trying to get my memory back. And I'm starting to lose hope. I've spent pretty much 24/7 with Grayson and he's the sweetest, but he feels distant. I don't understand how I could hurt him like that and ruin everything. This is all my fault.

I roll over in Grayson's bed, making him pull me closer to him in his sleep. It only took him a few days to wrap his head around what happened and sleep in his bed with me again. I think he's still hurt by the things I said that night, and I've tried to apologize, but he claims that it doesn't matter because I can't remember anyway. That hurts.

I haven't seen my mom since the day of my accident. I haven't seen my brother either. He didn't even come to the hospital to see me, not one text asking if I was okay. That hurts too.

I've been in so much pain recently and it's taking over me. Not physical pain, but emotional. But sometimes that can be worse.

I look up at Grayson, resting my hand on his cheek. I rub my thumb across his cheekbone but stop when he stirs slightly. He deserves so much better than this. Better than me.

I sigh quietly and drop my hand, closing my eyes to try to sleep, but it doesn't come. It never does.

☆

When Grayson wakes up the next morning, I pretend to be sleeping. Like I have for the past few weeks.

"Baby" He mutters sleepily, making my heart skip a beat and my stomach to fill with butterflies. We've distanced while he slept, so he scoots to me and gently places his body almost over mine, leaning down to kiss my lips sweetly. I pretend to wake up, looking up at him. I reach up and rub my knuckles over my eyes. I'm so tired.

"Hi" I mumble, putting my hands down. He looks over my face for a second and opens his mouth to say something, but then closes it, hesitating.

"Hi' He finally says, moving his hand up to run it through my hair.

"You hungry?" He questions, his eyes moving back down to my lips. I shrug. I'm not hungry, but if I say that line one more time to him, he might explode.

"Do you wanna go out for breakfast?" He continues. I shrug again, closing my eyes. He sighs and rolls off of me, making me clench my eyes. It hurts. It hurts that I'm like this, but I can't stop.

"C'mon," He says quietly, patting my thigh. I open my eyes and stand up. He hands me one of his hoodies and I take it, putting it over my body. He grabs his keys and phone and then walks out of the room, not waiting for me to follow. I sigh and hold back tears. We can't go like this for much longer. He's hot and cold with me.

I hear a girly scream from someone I don't recognize downstairs, making me furrow my eyebrows. She didn't sound scared, more like excited.

I grab my phone and go downstairs, stopping when I see Grayson hugging a tall girl. Ethan sees me enter, standing up to get to me.

"Hey, you okay?" He smiles, wrapping his arm around my shoulder. I give him a questioning look before looking back to Grayson and the girl. Ethan hums before clearing his throat loudly. Grayson lets go of the girl and turns to us.

"Oh! Ethan, you remember Meg. Gracie, this is Meg. Meg, this is Gracie" He introduces. Meg lets out a squeal that makes my head ache and rushes to tug me into a hug.