Forbidden Lust - Adam Driver

XI. Cry me a river

You stayed in your motorhome for half an hour, cleaning the powder out of the floor and thinking about what just happened. Your senses were numb, you gave into his kiss so easily, not wanting it to end. You felt dirty, disgusted of yourself for making out with a married man. You couldn't believe your actions, tears came out of your eyes, quiet and slow. You sat on the floor, trying to calm down.

Why this is always happen to you? Falling for someone you shouldn't? This is going out of control, it was wrong, more than wrong. But it felt so right, his body understood yours, his lips and yours moved like they already knew each other.

You wiped your face and looked at the mirror. Your eyes always betrayed you whenever you cry, they stayed watery and a bit red. You retouched your mascara and tried to put on your best face as you walked out of the motorhome. The sunset was coming and it was more chilly than before.

You rushed into the set and went to where they were filming. Adam looked gorgeous in his costume, he was the one to play Kylo Ren, no one fitted better on the character.

You took a seat and put on the earphones to hear his lines. He was so focused, so into his job. His makeup looked awesome, with the lights of the set it looked even more realistic. You stared proudly of yourself for making such a good job.

Time went by, you staying there and making some touches on his makeup, acting completely professional and trying not to look much at him. He stared at you whenever you were near his face, trying to find your eyes. But you didn't give in, you were steady and focus on just making your work done.

Whenever you finish with the actor's makeup, you gave them makeup wipes for them to take off their makeup when the day was over. But due to the events with Adam, he left before he grabbed some. So that means that after him shooting he had to go back to the motorhome.

The last scene was shot. Everyone started wrapping up and getting ready to go back to the hotel. Adam looked at you, while you grabbed your makeup bag, ready to go back to the motorhome.

"Y/N!" He exclaimed before you could leave. He runs to where you were "can you take my makeup off please?" He asked, looking at you.

Looking at the floor you reply "sure, come with me" and you started walking without waiting for his response and still not looking at him.

You were angry, mad because of the kiss. It made you furious because he is the married one, he should have control of his actions. You felt as if he had taken advantage of you because it was obvious that you wanted him.

Leaving the set and entering the motorhome, you didn't glance at him once. He shut the door when he came in and you put down your bag and looked for the makeup remover.

He sat in the chair, quietly, knowing that something was wrong and that he shouldn't bother you.

You finally looked at his face, only to find that he was looking at you. You blushed a bit and tried to hide it by starting to taking his make up off. Your anger disappeared whenever your desire kicks in. You couldn't help but thinking how hot he looked on his costume, it was surreal.

You cleaned his face, neither of you saying any words. You went down to his neck and without saying anything he took off his clothes, for you to clean his chest. Your face was serious, you were still mad and you didn't let your desire cover your true emotions.

"I know what we did was wrong" he spoke, looking down at his hands.

You didn't reply, instead, you keep taking his makeup off his chest.

"I'm responsible for my actions, and I'm sorry for what I did" he looked at you "I'm ashamed of myself for not having self-control"

You looked at his face, he was blushed and his eyes were watery.

"I just-" you started talking, as you felt the nod on your throat grow bigger "It was so wrong Adam. You shouldn't have. We shouldn't have" you felt a tear go down on your cheek.

"I know, don't feel sorry," he said, standing up and grabbing your face as he whipped your tear whit his finger "this was all my fault"

"I'm responsible too," you said, taking his hand and pushing it away from your face. You walked through the motorhome and looked at him, keeping your distance from him.

"We must never do it again," you said crossing your arms on your chest. "I don't know why you do that, but I don't wanna be part of this. I don't wanna be that kind of girl"

"I've told you" he spoke, looking at you. "Ever since I met you I can't get you out of my fucking head," he said, getting red with anger. "It's like I'm a teenager all over again, I can't sleep, I can't eat, I can't focus myself" he looked away, getting more furious. "All I wanna do is kiss you and touch you and make you mine," he said walking to get in front of you.

You stared at him, shaking, not believing his words.

"Fuck" you whispered looking at your feet. "You know what? Fuck you, Adam. You can't pretend that you can come here and make me fall for you" you started talking loudly, as you walked through the motorhome. "Who do you think you are? You should control yourself, you are not a child Adam. You are a married man" you said, emphasizing the word married.

"You don't think I know that?" He screamed, getting red with anger. "You think that it's my choice to like you this much? I wish I can control my feelings, but I can't" he stared at the table "And it's driving me insane!" He punched the table, making you cried even more.

"This was a mistake and it would never happen again, I'm embarrassed, I regret what I did," you said, angry as fuck.

"Don't pretend like you didn't want this to happen" he said, mad at you "I know you want me too"

You stared at him, tears full of anger running through your face.

"Leave," you said, speaking through your teeth. "I don't want you here, please go"

Adam looked at you, not moving a muscle.

"Adam I'm serious," you said, voice cracking "get the hell out"

He grabbed his clothes furiously and got out the motorhome, crashing the door behind him.

As soon as he left you cracked out in tears. You felt so embarrassed, dirty, nasty for what you did. You were mad at yourself and you were mad at him for making you harder for you not to fall. You must control your actions, that can never happen again and you can't let it get in the way of your work. You two must leave it in the past and start having a strictly professional relationship if you wanted to get through the year.

Even though you know it was the right thing to do, you couldn't help but feel sad because you will never touch his body the way you wanted ever again. You'll never kiss him again. And that thought broke your heart. You've never felt such desire for someone before, it is like as if he had a magnet in his body that attracted you to him. And you were such a sucker for him, you couldn't control your actions and you give in.

Your tears kept falling as you put on your coat and grabbed your stuff, getting ready to leave. You knew what the right thing to do was, you were strong, you'll get through that and you will be over him. You knew you could, you wouldn't let any man get in your way of living your life. Not even the hottest one alive.