𝑪𝒐𝒍𝒃𝒚 𝑩𝒓𝒐𝒄𝒌 𝒔𝒎𝒖𝒕 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒇𝒍𝒖𝒇𝒇

♤Don't you understand?♤

Trigger warning: contains suicide, and mentions self harming

I dont know what to do.

Its awkward when your in love with a boy, that doesnt like you back.

Lately, I've been sitting outside, smoking.

Bleeding.

I've been so alone.

It's like I dont exist anymore. To anyone.

My friends don't talk to me, I cant stand family, so I'm just lonely in my room.

And the person who was once my bestfriend, is no longer even my friend because the feeling I started to get was more than friendly.

So I have no one to talk to, no one to help.

I guess you could say I'm on a time limit. If I dont get better, if nothing gets fixed or if It gets worse i will basically fuck up my life more then end everything, cause honestly it's not like anyone cares.

Matter a fact I started cutting again. But not on my arms, I doing my thighs because no ones going to see right?

It's a type of feeling. One that makes everything else dissapear, one that makes you feel like your still alive.

You see, you never really remember the beginning of a dream, so I often ask myself how I got here, but people dont realize how much pain I would've had to be in to out myself in that position.

But no one understands.

And to make things better, I've been out of school for almost 2 weeks and I havent even gotten 1 text, so I'm going to Colbys. I am going to confess this stuff, not that I have to explain myself but my gut is telling me to do so.

I got ready and went to Colbys. I knock on ths door and his mom answers.

"Hey sweetheart, looking for Colby?"

"Yes actually"

"Hes just in his room" she let me in and I walked up to his door and heard moans.

I rolled my eyes and stormed in.

"Get your fucking junk in your pants, we need to talk" he jumped and covered himself.

I rolled my eyes and turned around then waited a minute, to only turn back around and see he has pants on.

"Hope you finished, cause this may take a while. Dont want blue balls" he chuckled and I started.

"Ugh fuck, I dont know how to tell you this"

"You can tell me anything Y/n"

"I really can't"

"Yes you can. Were bestfriends"

"No were not"

"What do you mean, weve known eachother since middle school"

"That's not how it works Colby" I say with my head in my hands.

"Y/n I love you. This is how it works"

"No its not"

"Yes it is"

"No it's not"

"Yes it i-"

"Don't you understand?! I Am In Love With You. Not in a friends way. I told you I was upset Colby. You let it slip by and now look at me. My cuts are fucking bleeding through. But no one, NO ONE, cared enough to save me from myself. You never even tried talking to me. Do you know how bad that feels? When your so lonely you have to hurt yourself to make sure your still here?"

"I-"

"I came to tell you that I'm leaving. Your the best friend that I ever had, it's too bad that I have to make you sad if you even care, but just know you were the best thing that ever happened to me. And I hope you never forget that, actually you know what. Do it. Forget about me again  I'm just making this harder for you. You are apart of the reason I'm leaving. I fucking love you so much I have to let go. So I guess this is our last goodbye"

"What the fuck do you mean? Are you moving?"

I had to lie, so that he would let me leave.

"Yeah. And I'm getting a different number so we cant," the tears pooled in my eyes threatening to spill "we won't be able to talk anymore, and I wont have the money to visit"

He hugged me. Then pulled me into a meaningless kiss, well to him at least for now. A girl can hope it will mean something when shes gone.

But I know it was just because he felt bad.

I quickly grabbed my stuff and left. I got into my family's house and  got into my room. I locked the door and grabbed my chair.

I pulled the rope around my neck and tightened it, holding a note that read

Look at me now aren't you proud of your precious child?
I know what your thinking. Why?  It's because you guys cared. But not enough. I've been struggling to hold on for over a year but no one cared.
Especially family.
And to the 1 friend I had, haha I bet this wasnt what you expected? I'm sorry. You meant everything to me but it was clear you didnt feel the same so, have fun. Live your life. This will all be over soon, I'm not something worth crying over, infact today next year I bet you wont even remember I left because, it was always like I was never here.
You loved me. But why wasn't that enough?

I'm just a waste of space. I took my final breath and the chair fell.

"You have to realize how much pain I would've been in to get here"
-me
Why can't you see,were in pain.
*this is not an inspiration, this is _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ put into a story*