The Reader's POV: Review Book {CLOSED}

I Wish ☆ Agni

Author : Iris-hope

Reviewer : agni_infinity

I'm Kinda doing a lot of reviews. So I'm gonna be exceptionally strict as I have discovered that that's what works in the long run.

First impressions:

Cover: I feel like the cover is too simple. It's too commonplace. So, not a lot of people will click on your book. There's nothing intriguing about it. Nothing to show your story's uniqueness, or why it is worth a read. And at this point in the review, I haven't touched your book and this is purely my first impression.

Remember that despite what the saying says, everyone judges the book by its cover. So, try making a cover with more zing in it. Even try out the cover shop in our reading list! She does quick deliveries.[No, I'm not advertising here, its purely your choice, there are tons of other cover shops you could use!]

Blurb: The first paragraph is beautifully written. It talks about the jist of your story. The abstract the goal. But the second paragraph?

Well, for starters it gives away too much. I mean, you just explained your entire storyline right there in the blurb. You gave away too much. One of the greatest qualities of a good description is finding that perfect balance between giving away information and keeping things mysterious. Give away just enough to keep the readers hooked.

Also, what I would recommend is, Add in a paragraph or quote from the most heated part of your story, that doesn't give away much, but is still very important. Then follow it up with your original first paragraph. [credits to Axelle who gave me this wonderful advice in the first place]

{Tags: Well. This is not something a reviewer would conventionally comment about, but I saw yours... Well. All your tags are similar.

I would recommend including #india #romance #teenfiction

This would raise clout significantly. Just a tip!}

Title: I love how the title itself is intriguing. Good job with that!

Grammar:

Okay. I'm guessing [and I'm right that your first language definitely isn't English. It's hard writing in English when you're mother tongue is different. I understand that as a Tamilian myself. But believe me, improving your English would avidly compliment to your writing.

Good English simply makes the story more appealing. So, here are some major flaws I found while reading your book.

1] Switching tenses. You went from past to present. Present to the past continuously. It gives the readers whiplash and confuses them regarding the time in which each scene takes place or the order in which they take place.

2] Capitalisation. It's a simple thing and is often ignored due to laziness. Now I'm only being hard on you because you really need it. MAKE THE DAMN WORDS CAPITALISED! Start of the sentence. CAPITALISE. The first word inside the quotes. "Capitalise it."

3] Subject-verb agreement.

4] Incorrect spellings in some places.

Now, what I recommend is a good Grammar tool. Many are free and available on the web. I personally would like to recommend Grammarly. Even the greatest most renowned authors use these editing tools. It makes the job easier. In your case it would also be extremely helpful for you to improve your grammar in general, cps Grammarly also states the reason why it is grammatically incorrect. So you can learn from your mistakes.

Actual writing style:

Your book is going way too fast. Way too fast. I want you to slow down. Focus on the surroundings. Give the reader a sense of place. Help them visualize what's happening.

Raj took Dev to a restaurant. What kind of restaurant? A/C? Dirty? Posh? Rich? What color were the table cloths? How many people were there? These minute details help the readers see what's happening in the book in their heads. But overdoing it is also bad.

Show don't tell. Yes. Essentially, its the difference between actually flat out telling what happens, which honestly is quite boring and letting the readers put two and two together.

Example: Telling; " She was out in the cold night when it was snowing."

Showing; "The young woman's teeth were chattering. The tips of her fingers blue. She pulled her coat closer to her body in a futile attempt to stay warm. She felt white flakes fall on her forehead. White flakes covering the gravel she walked on. Frost covered the leaves on the trees. She couldn't even tell if it was the moon in the night sky shining, or just a giant ball of snow. The fog had masked her eyes."

See in the first sentence, the reader is just informed that the night was cold. In the second line, a picture is formed in the reader's mind which automatically leads them to believe that it is a cold night out when it was snowing.

Characterization:

Your characters are too two dimensional. They are flat. And need a lot of work. You can't really feel Dev's confusion. Or Ayan's pain. Make them more lively. Make the readers feel the connection between Ayan and Arya.

Well. There are two things responsible for this problem

1] Your story's fast pace.

2] The telling and not showing.

If these two are improved then the characters will become livelier. Don't just say Arya is naughty. Show her pull a prank on someone. Don't just say she's crying. Emphasize on why she is crying. Explain her pain.

The little quirks in your characters. The way they like to listen to only certain songs or the way they keep fiddling with their sleeve[ This is from my character, LOL] when they are nervous. Switching between languages when they are angry.

[ Just saying all the quirks mentioned above are from my book...]

These little things make them a person rather than a character in a book.

Plot:

Okay! I love your plot. When I say I love your plot. I mean I looove it. The Indian gay kid is such a unique thing. Not many people write about it. I love where you are taking this story. There are no plot holes.

It is so comforting to see someone finally address the various toxic issues in our country ruining the lives of kids. I would love to see where your story is heading. You are an amazing writer. What you are is also a NOOB. A new writer. Everyone learns, and I think you have a lot of potentials. Hopefully, this review helps you become a better writer. I love what you are doing! Keep going. I'm waiting to read what Dev and Raj and Ayan and Aryan are gonna do next!

In short, this story has a lot of potential. A lot. It's what I would call a diamond in the rough. Well, yours in the extreme rough, but still a diamond! Keep cutting it and make it shinier [Sorry for that extremely crappy analogy] Good luck!

Reviewed by Agni😃