CLOSED FOR CATCH UP
Ever wanted to know what your reader's feelings about your books?
Ever looked for ways to improve your writing?
Is your title eye-catching?
Does your first chapter pique the writer's interest?
Does your story keep the reader h...
The title was amazing! Dicing with Death is a very nice one! Though you should cut out the "A Lex Jackson Novella" firstly because its wayy too long and also you could add that in the blurb or something but leave the title as Dicing with Death.
Cover:
Nope. Not doing it. I highly suggest you change the lettering to straight and please remove that man's face! The cover looks very plain and does not really stand out as much so I think you should opt for something more hard hitting!
Blurb:
No issues here. Although I don't think its 'Thriller author'. I feel it should be 'Thriller Writer'. So the blurb was nicely done!
Writing technicalities and grammar:
Man, you have a lotttttt of typos. You need to thoroughly edit this book! From the missing full stops, wrong place of inverted commas, and to the capitalizations of some words. You can either edit the book bit by bit carefully or hire an editor!
Also I have put '🐧' in the comments of some paragraphs that I felt you need to pay attention to!😁
There were wrong uses of POV's too!
See, if the story is from Jennifer's POV, the story goes like this:
I tried calling Lex but he did not pick up.
Not like this:
Jennifer tried calling Lex but he did not pick up.
Coming to the narrative, stick to one person only. Either you can make the story from Lex's POV or from a 3rd person. And get rid of all those Rose POV and Azalea's POV, since you are narrating it from a 3rd person, all that is just extra words that don't make sense!
Chapter 1~ When Jennifer says 'shit' , it should have been in the next line and in Italics.
Shit.
She thought.
Not:
Shit, she thought.
So that is one thing consistently through the book that need to be changed!
Chapter 2~ Nicely written yeah! No kind of errors except for the grammar mistakes everywhere. Penguin emojis are deposited at the paras😁
But when you introduce a character, you need to first make them say something and give sketch their biodata. Like:
'We have a problem' The voice belonged to _______(your character)
*Biodata*
It wouldn't flow well if you straight away introduced the character without a bit of starting first!
Chapter 3~ Same problems, editing. But penetrating test? What is that? Since you have mentioned it a lot in your story, some readers wouldn't know it, so its always better to kind of give an idea of what a certain term is!
Hmm, and Aegis Security scene. Did Lex know their names before they came to the range? Nope. Because Lex cannot be really acquainted with everyone that he meets. So you need to kind of introduce them as Man and Woman and let them say their intro themselves.
But if Lex knew them before that scene and knew so much about them, ignore the last paragraph.
Also, the action scene was fab👏
Chapter 4~ Nidika's POV, her inner monologues in italics always. Other wise your chapters are awesome!
Chapter 5~ Again, grammar!
Plotline and Pace:
Fantastic Plot! Simply amazing knowledge of weapons, keeps you really so damn engaged! I am telling you this, your plot and the way you structure all the pieces of the puzzle so well is simply incredible! Well timed pace, off the hook research, your book is amazing.
But, the lack of grammar and typos have really dissapointed me. If you seriously worked on this, your book is a hit already!
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Final words:
Many books make you smile, few make you cry, but very rarely do I hold my breath while reading. This suspense novella is a killer!
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There was your review! Really sorry if I came across as harsh! PM me if you need any help!
