Roommates | [kth.jjk]

11.

C H A P T E R
ELEVEN:

The next day Taehyung woke up extremely moody. His mood was damped because he kept tossing and turning throughout the night. At one point he heard Jungkook come into the room, and he felt like jumping him right there and then. However, he closed his eyes and pretended to sleep. He could feel Jungkook's stare on him but he tried his best to ignore it. Soon, Jungkook walked over to try and shut the stiff window. Taehyung tried to regulate his breathing. He sighs in content when he smells Jungkook's peachy scent and water, like he just came out of the shower, before he mentally scolds himself.

As soon as Jungkook walks away, Taehyung turned around, facing the dull wall. Taehyung knew that Jungkook hated him. He could see it in the poor boys eyes. But no matter how much Taehyung tried, he couldn't bring himself to hate Jungkook. He didn't know why, but it was so much easier to act like he did, instead of actually feeling the hate. Taehyung was complicated, and he knew that he was. Ever since his dad left he knew that things would never be the same.

He often thought about it. What life would be like if his dad was still with him and his mother. He thought that he would be so happy, Jungkook would've still been friends with Taehyung. And Taehyung would be happy with himself. Taehyung never felt satisfied with anything he did because he knew that he had a weight on his shoulders. And he was carrying that weight for the past ten years. Taehyung's eyes burn as his thoughts remain on his father. To him, his father was his hero. And that's because his father was the only person who understood him...apart from Jungkook.

And Taehyung ended up losing Jungkook anyways.

Taehyung started to feel a lump rising at the back of his throat when he thinks about his mother. She was so alone. And he always blamed himself for that. Taehyung's mother knew that no man would ever be welcomed and because of the fact that she always put Taehyung first, she never was able to make herself happy. Taehyung felt like he was selfish. And that was because his mother always made the effort to try and make Taehyung happy, but he knew in his heart that he was sad, alone...just like her. However, he never brought himself to admit it.

Taehyung turns around again, and looks at the bed opposite his own. Jungkook was now sleeping soundly, and just looking at the cherry haired boy made a rare smile stretch across Taehyung's face. His eyes sunken in and sharing an emotion that only the darkness could see. Taehyung let's a soft gasp escape his plump lips as he realizes that he will always be alone, and that even if he tried, his friendship with Jungkook would never be the same. His heart pulls, the pain becoming increasingly unbearable.

It was repeatedly on nights like these where Taehyung would get lost in his own thoughts. Suffocating. Drowning. Trapping himself in a darker type of madness. He wasn't normal. He wasn't just a broody teenager. He was empty. Empty ever since a young age. They say that the pain of losing someone you loved is a great pain that no one would ever understand unless they go through it themselves, but Taehyung always thought different. Taehyung knew for a fact that losing himself was the greatest pain he ever gained. And he knew that because he never truly had himself in the first place.

And that's why he always felt the need to push people away. Because he knew that he was complicated, and no one would ever understand him the way that...Jungkook used to. Heck, Taehyung didn't even understand himself.

Taehyung sighs once again, and his eyes snap open. He's met with the greying, blank ceiling.

The blue eyed boy wishes that there was another way. That he could go back in time and stop himself from making the worst decisions he could've ever made in his life, one of them being pushing Jungkook away.