Roommates | [kth.jjk]

29.

C H A P T E R
TWENTY-NINE:

Taehyung woke up the next day eyes swollen, head hurting from the fact that he barely got any sleep. He was up the whole night crying like a pathetic baby. But he couldn't help it. Everytime he tried to think about something else, somehow, he was reminded that no matter how hard he tried, he would never be enough. And every moment the night before was drowned in his memories from the past. How could he have been so stupid? How? Waking up, all he wanted to do was mope around and cry again.

But he knew that Jimin would break his door down if he didn't see Taehyung there, bright and early. And so Taehyung sighed, forcing himself out of his bed and into the cold atmosphere of his room. The window was left open the whole night, no one there to close it grumpily when the wind found itself creeping in, into the room without permission, and along the wind brought the cold, making Taehyung sniffle and shiver...great, he was falling sick again. He really should've brought some medicine, knowing the risks of being out in the cold, he could catch the flu.

Taehyung shuts the window softly, his eardrums sensitive, and as he walks over to his suitcase to grab some clothes, his eyes (on their own accord) glance over at Jungkook's neat bed. Why was this taking a bigger toll on Taehyung's mind than he thought it would?

His heart pulls at the fact that instead of an empty, made up bed, Jungkook is supposed to be their, sleeping soundly. Body rising up and down as he slept soundly. Hair standing up in messy little tufts. Taehyung smiles softly, trying to imagine the boy there, with him.

But it was hard to keep that image there, for every time Taehyung blinked, Jungkook would disappear from his mind, and in place, sad thoughts about how he didn't even deserve to even think about the bunny would come and take its place. It was sad, but Taehyung knew it was true. He shouldn't have treated Jungkook badly, it was all Taehyung's fault. All of it.

There was no going back now.

He had to move forward. He had to.

That's what Taehyung told himself, even though he was moving back. Back into his old ways. Back into the sliver of the person he hated.

But...at least it could all go away for one moment. At least he could smile thinking that all of the times he hurt someone, that this is purely karma. That this is what they wanted. They didn't want Taehyung to be happy. Because...he didn't deserve to be happy.

So why should he be?

Taehyung thought about how easy it could be, just to take away the pain for one moment. To relish in feeling nothing, feeling numb for one moment. To be inclusive, to be away from the world for just a second. He thought about how easy it would be.

Because, it was easy.

It was so easy to bleed out so many emotions that you passed out, it's so easy to cry so many tears that you feel dehydrated, it's so easy to throw up so much that you can't even feel your heartbeat anymore. It's so easy to give yourself the negatives because the positive things are so hard to grasp. And Taehyung just couldn't grasp that thread of hope that was floating around in the air mindlessly, because in that moment, it seemed like he had lost it, for what seemed like forever.

Taehyung sighs, pulling on his clothes, before picking up his phone, checking for any new messages. But he sees none, and instead sees many posts of everyone smiling and happy, even some pictures of Jungkook with Hoseok and Jin, smiling, and that made Taehyung smile, a hint of bitterness in it, but a genuine one. It was nice to see that Jungkook was a tad bit happy, even if Taehyung was the cause of his sadness, if Jungkook thought that Taehyung had to stay away in order for him to happy, then so be it, Taehyung would...stay away from Jungkook.