Now That You Are Here

My Many Flaws

I tilt my head at his harshness.

"Okay, you need to sleep. Pull over, and I'll drive. It'll give me something to do anyway."

"No."

"Don't make me tell you again."

"What are you going to do?"

"Murder you. Pull over now."

"God, you don't have to be a bitch."

"And you don't have to be such an asshole, but I'm not complaining. Pull over this fucking car before I open this door and jump out."

"That escalated quickly."

I start my countdown as I reach for the handle of the car. Brixton quickly locks it, and I almost giggle at the fact that he thought that would stop me. I unlock the door, keeping my one hand on the handle.

"7...6...5...4..."

"This has got to be one of your dumbest ideas, kitten."

"Not my dumbest though. 3.5...3...2.5...2. Please don't make me jump out."

"You're bluffing."

"I don't think I've ever bluffed before. Pull over the goddamn car."

"What number are we at?"

"1.75...1.5...1.25...1.1...1...Brixton, do you want me to jump out of this car?"

"If it'll get you to shut up."

That jolts my insides. I don't know how else to explain it. I feel a sudden type of betrayal, in a weird way. He's never really talked to me that way. Of course Brixton has gotten mad at me, many times, but he's never wanted me to shut up. I forget about the whole counting down thing, and I scrunch my eyebrows together. I gulp loudly, but Brixton doesn't say anything. Instead, he puts on a stone cold, intimidating face as he stares out the front window. I turn my head away from him. I feel my eyes stinging at Brixton's words.

I put my hand over my mouth, trying to hide the dry sob about to escape out. No, no Reign. You promised yourself no more crying over a guy. I shift my whole body, so my back is to Brixton. I bury myself over the blanket that Brixton and I once cuddled under in the back of this exact car. For some reason it feels so long ago. 

It was only about a week ago, and it feels like it was a dream. As the slow, quiet, hidden tears drip down my cold skin, my body shakes slightly. I rub my arms, trying to keep myself warm, but the coldness of my skin doesn't seem to warm. I choke on my breath, my heart constricting, and I try to take a full breath. A small whimper exits my mouth, and I bite my lip trying to hide it.

"Kitten. I know you're crying. I know I keep letting you down, and I'm sorry. You're right. You're pretty much always right. It's just...I've never wanted to be good for someone before, and I have no idea what I'm doing."

"That seems like a personal problem, Brixton. I don't deserve your bullshit just because you can't get your shit together. That's very selfish of you."

"I promise you, I'm trying. I swear. I'm trying to be better."

"You don't have to be a tough guy all the time. You usually aren't, but I'm not the only one who puts up walls, Brixton. Don't be like me. It's a lonely life, okay? You are just who you are supposed to be, and it's okay that you aren't perfect. None of us are, but by pushing me away in the only way you know how, you'll soon learn that surviving like that...it's not the way to live. I know for a fact that pushing people away does nothing but dig a deeper hole for yourself. You don't want to be with me...fine, but that doesn't mean I don't want to be here for you."

"You want to be with me?"

"Is that all you got out of what I just said?"

I turn my body to face Brixton, only to see a slight smirk on his face.

"Do you want to be with me?"

"Yes, idiot. Do you want to be with me?"

"I want to, but I'm also confused. So, you don't belong with a confused boy who doesn't know what he wants. You deserve a man, Reign."

"I know I do, but I also hope that you can be the man that I know exists. I know you're trying to find this perfect man, but being strong and rich and tough, isn't what a man is about. Being a real man is whatever you want it to mean. No one should tell you what the definition of a real man is because there isn't one."

"What do you find attractive for a man?"

"When they are good. To me, an attractive real man is courageous yet vulnerable. Protective yet allows their partner to be free with what they wear and who they become. Possessive yet unrestrictive. Supportive but truthful. They are kind and generous with manners. They are respectful and able to get the same respect back. They don't tell others what a real man is. That definition is different for each and every one of us."

"I want to be a good man."

"You are, Brixton. You are just trying to live up to an expectation of what a man is supposed to be, when you don't have to. You shouldn't. Of course that's up to you, but you should be yourself instead of what others want from you."

"And what about you, Reign? You can be one to not follow your own advice."

"I'm not saying I'm perfect, and I usually don't listen to my own advice."

"Then why do you think you can give me advice?"

"I can be a hypocrite. One of my many flaws. I was giving you an outside perspective to what I see from you. You got any advice for me?"

"It's okay to cry. Showing emotion doesn't make you weak. It only means you're strong. You shouldn't have listened to Jenny or Kelsey at any point in your entire knowing of them. You don't have to be perfect either. Your parents fucking suck, and you should definitely do whatever the hell you want with your life. I say you change majors. I say, do what you want to do without the pressure of other people. Live a little. You're only going to be twenty once. Be a twenty year old. I'm twenty two, and I wish I spent my twenty year differently already. Do things you might regret later."

"Well then pull over the damn car."

Brixton doesn't say anything, but he actually listens. The two boys in the back watch intensely as I get out of the passenger's seat. Brixton yells at me, questioning what I'm doing as I walk in front of the car. He gets out of his seat and the drops of rain start to fall onto the concrete. 

He throws his hands up in the air, wondering what the hell I'm doing. I grab the sides of his face as I stand on my tiptoes. Without a second though, I plant my lips on his. For a second Brixton doesn't kiss back, but once his shock falls away, I feel his lips desperately moving across mine.

I grab onto his thick hair, making him groan slightly. Brixton holds my hips tightly as he pushes me against his body. The rain continues to fall around us, and it makes our kiss more heated. Brixton backs me up against a tree, our tongues fighting for more dominance. I grind my hips towards Brixton, and that only encourages him more. We pull away slightly, our breathing totally out of whack.

"Fuck..."

"You said do something I'll regret."

"You regret that?"

"Not yet, but I bet you're going to say something in the next second that will make me."

"I just got back together with Jenny."

"And there it is."

I push Brixton away from me, wiping my lips.

"Now that I got that out of my system, let's go. We're finishing this fucking trip, and then we are never going to talk to one another again. You've messed me up, Brixton. Truly."

I walk back into the car, forcing Nick to sit up front with Brixton. Well, that's another thing off my bucket list.