Lost in the Wild Lands (La Grandeza Series #3)

Kabanata 17

Huli

I could feel the warm breath of Xarius touching my cheek. Our faces are too close. Pabalik-balik ang tingin ko sa kaniyang mga mata at sa kaniyang labi. He looks at me thoroughly as if he's appreciating every part of my face.

"Rius..." I whispered, almost unheard.

Matipid siyang ngumiti pero umaapaw sa pagiging maamo. He raised his brows as a respond. He pulled me closer to his body and hugged me even tighter.

Habang mas tumatagal, mas lalo akong na-aattached sa kaniya. I can't rely myself to him, I can't be dependent. If one day, everything fell apart for the both of us... will he save me? Natatakot akong sumugal dahil all I have is myself and my two best friends.

Xarius is Amara's friend. Amara is the real daughter of Wantirano's, if they notice that Amara is in unpleasant situation and I am the cause of it... I am sure they will disregard my feelings at kakampihan na lang nila si Amara.

I am afraid that if I let myself into him, will I really have that peace? Will I really have that happiness or joy? Makukuha ko nga ba 'yung gusto ko, kung hindi naman 'to para sa akin?

"Hey..." his soft voice comforted my system.

Hindi ko napansin na tumulo na ang mga luha ko. I am crying again, I am hurting again. Bakit kay Xarius ako nagkagusto, bakit sa taong may ugnayan sa kapatid ko? I can't have him easily. Wantirano welcomed me. Gave me a shelter to sleep, gave me something to eat, dressed me and they even paid for my tuition. Ang kapal naman ng mukha kong baliwalain sila dahil gusto ko si Xarius.

He kissed my forehead and wiped my tears using his thumbs. Tinitigan niya ang mga mata kong may mga luha.

"I am afraid..." I whispered. My voice cracked.

"Bakit ka matatakot? Andito ako kasama mo... hindi kita iiwanan..." para akong tinutunaw sa sobrang lambing ng kaniyang boses.

'Yon nga ang kinakatakot ko, paano kapag nawala na si Xarius? Paano kung gusto ko na siyang manatili pero hindi na pwede? I don't think this is too shallow, I invest my life for my feet since Mom and Dad wanted me to separate from them.

Binuo ko 'yung pride ko for myself, to have the perseverance to stand and to continue. Then suddenly, I meet this guy na kahit anong gawin ko ay hindi maalis sa isipan ko. My pride faded and I was too dependent on him to the point that kapag nagkahiwalay kami ngayon ay hindi ko na alam ang gagawin ko.

Kahit saglit lang siya naging andiyan para sa akin, I treasured it a million times dahil he always got my back when I really needed one to lean on.

How can I have you freely, I want you selfishly... but I can't and at the same time, I want him to stay.

"No one can hurt you. Amara is not here, tayo lang ang naandito... please stop crying na, hmmm? Ano bang magagawa ko to cheer you up?" halos lumubog na ang boses niya sa sobrang malumanay at lambing no'n.

"I am not like this. I used to be bolder... hindi ba ay mas'yado na akong nagiging dependent sa'yo?" he continue wiping my tears.

He shook his head. "You are not being dependent, Sydney. Lahat ng tao ay kailangan ng masasandalan, sometimes we can't really rely on ourselves kaya andito ako for you... huwag mo na isipin 'yung sinabi ko kanina if it bothers you that much. Let's remain like this, I don't want to call us just friends but just like this until you are really stable..." he sighed at ngumiti.

Pinadikit niya ang mga noo namin at pinagtagpo ang dulo ng aming mga ilong. Sinabayan ko ang malalim niyang paninitig sa akin.

"I don't care kung gaano tayo katagal magiging ganito as long as sa dulo, sa akin ka..." he whispered and gave me smack.