Never in a Million Years ✔️

84-Wake up

It's raining today. Ironic because this was his favorite weather. He always tried dragging me outside on rainy days.

He jumped in the puddles caught raindrops in his mouth and he'd even stare up at the sky wide eyed to see if a drop would land in his eye.

One always did.

And he would always say 'ow' before doing it all over again.

I liked rainy days.

But Jordan loved them.

He would've loved today.

Instead, he was being buried.

My best friend is gone.

This week was supposed to be the best week of senior year. We were going to have our prank days, and our barbecues and graduation. Now we just have graduation, and the class barely even wants to do that.

Everyone was sad. Not everyone knew him like I did or my brothers or co, but one thing that was definite, was the fact that he could put a smile on anyone's face. He could turn the worst of days to something you'd never want to forget.

Right about now, I'd do anything to forget today.

This is the kind of day I'd need him.

But now I sit here and can't even cry watching them lower his casket into the ground.

He said he never wanted to be cremated, according to him, if he was, he'd never be able to haunt us. He definitely got that from supernatural, but we all rolled with it.

He told me he loved me, and he told me to never stop smiling, I couldn't bring myself to do so.

Everywhere I looked I was reminded of him. Even my own fucking bedroom was filled with memories of him. The countless movie nights we had together, the times he'd fall off my bed and hurt his head when we were little.

Him helping me hang all of my pictures and then falling and tearing half of them down. Him comin in for me when I was sad, me stocking up on food when he was sad.

I lost my soulmate.

I love Caleb and I always have, but Jordan was my soulmate.

"C'mon B," Arrex says as the service ends. I can't seem to move though. I wasn't ready to leave him yet.

After the doctor came in and told us, it was as if a part of all of us had died. Co and I didn't sleep that day at all, we just sat in silence. Just touching or nudging the other every once in a while just as a check in. I haven't slept alone since that night.

We'd all been spending the night in Becks hospital room. It's been the same since we were kicked out of Jordan's room.

We were allowed to see Jordan after the doctor came in. Obviously his family went first but after they let us in, the only thing keeping him breathing was a machine.

The doctor said he was basically dead on the scene. The last time I talked to him was the very last thing he heard before he died.

I couldn't stand seeing Jordan laying there. He was so still and pale and just not him.

He never sat still, he was always fidgeting. Something his mom yelled at him for constantly. And he was always tan, even in winter.

The worst part was not seeing that smile of his on his face. I wanted it to all be a sick joke, I wanted none of this to be true

I wanted to walk in that room and see my best friend, arms wide open smiling the the idiot he is.

I wanted him here with me.