Egotistical Prick

Chapter 20

Cordelia's POV

I went up to my room, thankfully Amara and Astrid weren't present. I couldn't handle the billions of questions they were gonna ask nor the attention. I just wanted to be alone and think of what just happened. I sat on my bed and stared at the blank wall in front of me. However, I felt like I was inside for too long and I needed fresh air in my lungs. So I sneaked out of the common room without my prefect seeing me and went up to the Astronomy Tower.

When I finally reached my destination, I took a deep breath and let go.. Of my thoughts. It felt so good. My headache magically vanished.

The view was surreal, the more I looked at it, the more enchanted I was by it. No other place had a view like this. It was the perfect place to think and escape if you ever wanted to be alone.

I feel like I haven't really lived these past four months, I simply existed.

I missed out on so much and couldn't really get the full experience, because of a boy. I know that I have three and half more years left here, but still.. I know for a fact they're gonna pass as fast as a blink of an eye and the only thing left will be memories.

When I look back at the memories, I don't want to remember my pathetic self that always cried and never enjoyed the present. I don't want to look back and see the girl that didn't make any strong connections with others because she was depressed.

But, at this moment, I don't know how to change or be the version of myself I desire. It's not that I can't, it's simply because I don't want it enough. I'm used to feeling and being like this that I'm scared of change.

What if I decide to not be depressed anymore and go chase every opportunity and make strong connections will I be happy? Is this happiness?

I don't know... and the thing that kills me inside is not knowing what will happen. At least when I'm sad and lonely, I know how I feel. I feel secure in a way.

It's like sadness is my home.

I didn't even realize that I was balling my eyes out because of all these thoughts that came crashing down my mind.

I sat there in silence taking in the view as much as I could. I glanced over to my hand and realized that I was still holding the rose he had placed next to me.

I stood up and threw it off the Astronomy Tower. I wasn't ready to let go yet, but this was the first step. Doing so, created a sensation of relief in me.

As I walked into the common room, I glanced over at the clock on the wall thinking it was still pretty early, but I was mistaken.. It was 5 am and I had left my room at 12 am. Wow... I have to wake up in two hours.. Not that I need more sleep..

Instead of going to sleep, I decided to at least catch up a bit on my classes. Since finals were in two weeks and I missed two months of classes. I don't know how I'm going to manage to catch up on everything. The thought of it makes me wish I was still in a bloody coma.

These next two weeks are gonna be rough..

....

As I walked into my first class of the day, which was Potions with Snape, everyone's eyes were locked on mine, but the only ones I saw were Draco's.

"Mrs. Reinders has decided to join us at last" exclaimed Snape.

"I will be assigning you new partners for the final project due in two weeks" added Snape before I could respond to the first thing he said.

"Goyle you will be with Luna. Pansy your partner is Ginny. Draco you will be assigned with Cordelia..." as soon as he said that I couldn't hear anything else.

"Excuse me professor, perhaps I heard you wrong, I thought you said the two of us?" I interrupted him while pointing at Draco.

"No you heard me correctly, Mrs Reinders, no go sit next to Mr. Malfoy" he corrected me. Draco observed both of us. As I neared him, he turned his head and looked at his notes. Neither of us talked. We just sat there awkwardly looking at our notes for 30 minutes. This always happens, It's like this is a new game of "who will talk first" between us. Every single time I am the one who breaks the silence, he's so stubborn. He's obsessed with winning in every situation. I couldn't take it anymore so I lost again.

"So how should we do this?" I asked, still refusing to hold eye contact with him. He glanced at me but quickly looked away when he saw that I wasn't looking back at him.

"I don't know" were the only words that came out of his mouth, it frustrated me.

"Just forget about it, I'll do it," I said after another three minutes of silence.

"Yeah sure.. How do you think you'll be able to manage that? You missed two months of classes.. We'll probably fail.. Not that I really care" he mumbled.

"Yeah well I'd rather fail than work with you" I snapped even if I didn't really mean what I said. I was just so annoyed at him. Like he didn't say a single word and vanished when he saw me.

"Whatever Reinders. Just leave it I'll do it and plus you need rest" he replied.

"Oh so now you care about me having to rest? You're so full of shit Malfoy" I barked. He looked at me dead in the eyes, I felt so intimidated.

"I said leave it. I'll do it" he said in a serious tone, he didn't even blink.

"Well, I don't trust you" I replied, still maintaining eye contact.

"Well Reinders. You can't have everything you want. You either work with me or trust me"

"Who said you made the rules? Nevermind don't answer that I don't have any more time to lose with you. I'll choose the first option, since I'll never trust you... never again" I said calmly. He didn't say anything back and shifted his focus to the board.

"Meet me in the common room at 7 pm sharp" I said he still didn't answer, not even a simple "ok". Thankfully the bell rang and I was relieved I wasn't gonna see him in my next class. He exited class faster than anyone. I mean what's the rush?

I started walking to second period and saw Amara kissing Blaise again in the corner of the hallway. I'm starting to really get confused. Does Draco know about this? Are they not seeing each other anymore? I'm gonna ask her tonight.