begin again - charlie gillespie

chapter 33

my tears have stopped but my heart hurts so much it physically hurts to breathe. 

owen is quiet the whole drive, looking at me every chance he gets with a sad expression on his face. he parks his car in his parking space, looking over at me as he undoes his seatbelt. 

"olivia, i dont really know what to say. im so sorry this is all happening right now. i hate seeing you this hurt." 

i don't respond, i just try to focus on breathing. i nod my head at his words and get out of the car. he follows me into the elevator, taking a deep breath before speaking again. 

"do you need anything? do you want me to go buy you food or maybe an emotional support dog?" he tries to get me to smile but my face remains emotionless. i shake my head no, too tired to actually speak. 

the elevator opens on our floor. we both walk up to my front door but owen stops me from opening it. 

"olivia please don't hesitate to call me if you need anything. i will be over in a millisecond. even if you just don't want to be alone, i will come and cry with you. im here for you for whatever you need." he says bringing me into a hug. his words making my eyes fill with tears again as i hug him back. 

"thank you" i say softly as i pull away, turning to open my door. "bye owen" i say before stepping into my apartment. i rest my back against the closed door and slide down onto the floor, letting it all out. my tears now furiously falling down my face, not caring of the way my sobs echo through the apartment. 

this hurts even more than the first time charlie broke my heart. 

after about an hour of sitting on the floor and crying, i finally find the will to stand up and change into different clothes. 

i put on a really big t shirt and some leggings, feeling exhausted even just from changing. i see a glimpse of myself in the mirror and gasp. 

my eyes are swollen, accentuating the darkness under my eyes. my skin looks rough because of the dried tear streaks. my nose and my cheeks flushed red like im having an allergic reaction. 

i look just as broken as i feel. 

a knock at my door snaps me out of my thoughts, making my heart stop. 

please don't let it be charlie

i walk towards the door as there's another knock, afraid to get too close. 

"olivia, it's jeremy and madison. please open the door." jer calls out. 

i feel my tense body relax as i hear his voice, opening the door for them. 

both of them widen their eyes and gasp as they take in my appearance. they dont say anything as they both bring me into an embrace. 

i close my eyes to try and stop myself from crying. i've done that enough today. 

"we thought it was finally time for that therapy session we all talked about." jer says softly, giving me a small smile.

"we brought food, movies and a ton of candy." madi smiles, closing my door and walking in with the bags and placing them on my dining table. 

"thank you guys" i say softly, taking a seat on one of the dining chairs. there was silence as jer and madi take a seat across from where i am.

"liv, what happened?" jer says, extending his hand out for me to grab. i place my hand in his, appreciating the affection. 

i inhale deeply before saying anything. i want to get through this without crying. 

"for context, charlie had expressed to me how he didnt like seeing me hug owen at the recording studio. i told him that owen is one of best friends and i had not spoken to him in a month so it wasnt fair. ive also expressed multiple times how i did not trust tori. he always assured me they were just friends. im so stupid." i shake my head angry at myself. i should've seen this coming.

jeremy squeezes my hand, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. 

"you're not stupid olivia, dont bring yourself down like that. you didnt trust her for a reason." jer assures me. i give him a small nod before continuing. 

"then today, i woke up late and i guess owen did too so we went to work together. i was so tired this morning, i was falling asleep behind kenny. owen told me to sleep on julie's bed and that he would wake me up but instead he fell asleep next to me. which charlie walked in on and got angry over." i direct towards jeremy since madison knew this information. 

"that's why he kept messing up and was angry. owen wanted to come with me to apologize to charlie, to tell him it was an accident. but as we got to his trailer, he had his door open so we could hear him ranting to tori. he was going on about how he gets insecure around owen, reminding him of the mean things my mother had said about him. then she asked him if he has said 'i love you' to me. then all we heard was tori say 'she'd be stupid not to be in love with you'. owen started walking again but just as we were going to enter the trailer, owen turned around and pushed me back but i still saw them. i saw charlie pull away from the kiss with tori. and i just i -i dont" i cant even complete the sentence anymore as i start crying again. i put my face in hands, trying to shield them from my ugly crying.

they both look at me with the same sad expression owen was giving me in the car earlier. i hate this. 

madison stands up and comes over to hug me as i cry in her arms. 

"i just- i dont know what i did wrong" i say in between my cries. 

"you didnt do anything wrong olivia." madison says gently as she smooths my hair. 

"did you say anything to charlie?" jer questions me as i sit back up again. 

"no, i was kind of like in shock. i dont really remember what happened to be honest. i just remember seeing them and then suddenly im in the parking lot with owen. but i know i didnt speak to him" 

"are you going to hear him out or are you just going to break up with him?" madi asks, taking a seat again. 

"i have to think about it and what i want but im too tired to do it today." i say rubbing my eyes.

jeremy stands up, grabbing one of the plastic bags they brought with them. 

"that's okay, we dont have to talk about it anymore. here, we brought your favorite movies, which one do you want to watch first?" jer says trying to comfort me. he lays out the greatest showman, pride and prejudice, mean girls, and coco. 

"i told him no one watches on dvd's anymore but he never listens to me" madison jokes, making a small smile finally form on my face. 

"mean girls, i definitely need a laugh." i say, making both of them smile. 

the next couple of hours were spent watching movies together, jer trying to force me to eat and madison and jer bickering over mr. darcy. even though today was the worst and ache in my chest is still undeniably present, im so grateful to have madison, jeremy and owen as my best friends. 

a.n. 

poor olivia :(

i really feel like they all are those type of friends that are always there for you. 

i hope you guys like this chapter. my family is staying over my place this weekend so i might not post until sunday :( 

until then, stay safe. wear your masks. dont forget to drink water. love you guys! - cyn <3