Love Like Her

Self-Medicate

Song - Medicate by Hollywood Undead

*Violet's POV*

I hate getting texts like that. Ya know, the 'can we talk' texts that make your heart race, your stomach drop, and your hands shake. I've been pacing back and forth in Billie's bedroom, my suitcase half unpacked, dreading the impending talk with my mom. I suck it up and press the call button.

Ring.

Ring.

"Do you have something you wanna tell me?" My moms tone obviously not a happy one.

I don't really wanna tell her anything if she's gonna have that attitude, but I have a feeling she already knows something that I don't want her knowing. The question is, how does she know?

"No. Why?" I bite at my already short nails.

"So you don't need to tell me that your gay? Who poisoned your brain? Who have you been sleeping with? Why did I have to hear this from your brother? What else have you been hiding? Did you sleep with your professor to cover up your gayness?" She continues to rant and my mind just swirls.

Do I tell her the truth about who I'm seeing?
Do I tell her that he forced himself on me?
Do I tell her that I'm barely passing my classes?
Do I even want to hear her responses to what I have to say?
One final question pops into my mind, and it's the only one that matters.

"Do you love me?" I ask, cutting my mom off in the middle of her tirade.

"Excuse me?" Her tone surprised for once.

"Do you love me? Regardless of who I choose to date?" I clarify, my voice cracking.

"I-... I can't support your lifestyle choice Violet..."

That wasn't what I wanted to hear, it wasn't what I needed, but it's what I've got. "Goodbye Cindy." My voice flat and emotionless. I feel so empty. Alone. I sit on the floor next to the bed.

I hear a knock and see Cat standing in the doorway. "I may or may not have been listening... can I hug you?" She asks as she makes her way over and sits next to me. All I can manage to do is nod. Once her arms wrap around my frame, I break down, my tears and snot soaking her shirt.

My phone buzzes on the floor next to us. I pick it up to see my brother calling. "What do you want Drew?" I snap at him. There's no way he didn't blab to mom, the real question is why.

"Look, you're gonna hate me... mom saw the article and was badgering me about it, and I- I just lost it. She knows about you and she knows about me. But I didn't tell her anything about Billie... speaking of, she misses you by the way." He spills his heart confessing to everything. "I'm sorry V."

"Me too... there's no way moms letting you back in the house, where are you? Are you safe?" I ask.

"Yeah I've been staying at Orion's house, I took him to the concert that you bailed on by the way... although, with the way everything went down it's probably best that you didn't show."

"Oooo, did you two have fun?"

I can hear the smile in my brothers voice. "It was a great night." I can't help but be happy for him, he deserves someone special in his life.

After hearing Drew fill me in on everything, we say our goodbyes and I push myself up off of the floor. I need a drink, and I don't mean water. I flick the cap off of a bottle of rum and it lands somewhere in the kitchen. The moment the clear liquid hits my tongue it's like medicine. Not the right kind, but enough to cope with how I feel.

"Hey Cat?"

"Yeah?"

"I think we need another house warming party." I say giving her a wink and taking another sip of rum.

"I'm on it like white on rice." She pulls her phone out of her back pocket and gets to work.

~~~~

This may be too soon to be surrounded by a bunch of sweaty bodies bumping against one another and the strobe lights. I push my way to the kitchen and pour myself another drink. Maybe this will drown out my anxiety, my paranoia, my sadness, my self loathing. I chug the contents of my cup, the slow burning sensation filling my body, coursing through my veins.

I rejoin the crowd of people dancing in my living room and for once in a long time, I feel nothing. Not sad, not angry, not happy, just nothing. Finally. Cat swings and arm over my shoulder and we move to the music surrounded by a mass of people doing the same, wanting to feel anything but empty.

~~~~

I'm cold.

Whatever I'm laying against is freezing.

Oh the smell is killing me.

I dry heave and open my eyes.

Well that explains a lot, a porcelain toilet has a lot of those qualities. Someone's legs are on either side of me. I turn around to see Cat asleep leaning against the wall. She must have been holding my hair back, that's so sweet of her. I lean against her and try to steal any warmth that I can, and I almost fall back to sleep before a voice from the front of the house startles me from my slumber.

"WHAT THE FUCK?!"

a/n: Merry Christmas bubbies! I lub you!