Love Like Her

A Pill To Swallow

Song - Cold World by Jon E.K.

I lazily open my eyes only to close them again, savoring the feeling of sleeping in my own bed again. But something about it still felt... off. I hear some racket in the kitchen, I should see what's going on. My feet pad across the hardwood floors and I see Violet washing dishes while Cat dries them and puts them away. It's kind of a cute sight if I'm being honest. I clear my throat and the both of them jump, startled that I'm awake. Cat turns to look at me, but Violet's gaze never breaks from the sink.

"So do either of you wanna tell me what's been going on? Why there's... fou- ah make that five empty bottles of liquor and various other beer cans in the trash?" I ask as I hop up to sit on the counter.

My question apparently was asked to an empty room, because I'm met with complete and utter silence from the both of them.

"So neither of you wanna answer... I thought you had to work over the holiday babe? You seem to be off to me. In fact, the radio host during my ride home said that he and his buddy Kellan are covering this week, and I'm pretty sure your middle name isn't Kellan..." I point out before continuing. "I just wanna know what's going on that you felt the need to lie to me, or why you flinched when I got close, or why even now you won't even give me enough respect to look at me."

I hear her mutter something under her breath.

"Speak up."

"I said I don't know." She grits through her teeth.

I look over to Cat and give her a nod, gesturing for her to give us a bit of privacy. I gently grab Violet's hand and pull her towards me so her body is in between my legs. Since she doesn't want to talk, I do the only thing I can think of... I wrap my arms around her, hugging her tightly. After a moment I feel her body relax and my shirt getting wetter by the second. Jeez, what happened while I was gone.

"A lot..." she mutters against me. I hadn't realized I said that out loud.

"Do you wanna talk about it my love?" I kiss the top of her head.

"No, but I know I need to." She takes a step back and leans against the opposite counter, almost bracing herself for the worst. Her gaze is fixed to the floor as she starts to speak. "I've just been tired lately... I'm tired of school but I know I'm so close to being done with my degree. I'm tired of being my mother's perfect daughter and now she knows that I'm not, and that hurts because I hate disappointing people. I'm tired of people taking advantage of me..." she trails off and her demeanor sinks even more.

"Baby, what do you mean?" I'm honesty a little scared now.

"Do you remember Dr, Lucas?" She asks me.

"Yes, why?"

"He's the one that took advantage of me... and Dean Collins wants to absolve the university of any liability in the matter... and I don't know what to do. I'm tired of having to fight just to exist. I'm barely coping as it is, and that just threw a wrench into everything." She confesses and my heart shatters.

"I'm sorry." Is all I can manage to say.

"You didn't do this Billie, you have nothing to be sorry for."

But that's the thing Violet, I do. I'm sorry that I wasn't here to protect you. I'm sorry that I can't be here for longer. I'm sorry that you're having to go through this nearly alone. I'm sorry that I'm not a better girlfriend. I hop off of the counter and pull her into me, instead of relaxing like she did before, she feels distant, closed off.

"I'm here for a few days, I'm taking the red eye to Richmond on Thursday morning. I'll be here for you in any way that I can while I'm here. I'm sorry if I was hard on you when I got home, I just wasn't expecting it to look like a frat house." I say with a chuckle. "I know Cat is one of your best friends, I'm fine if she stays here with you while I'm gone and even when I am home."

"I hate to interrupt, but homegirl is hungry and needs some food." Cat says getting ready to raid the fridge.

"How about we just order some take out and chill here, how does that sound?" I suggest not really wanting to go out.

Cat gives me a thumbs up and Violet gives me a nod. I call in some take out from one of Violet's favorite places and she curls up next to me on the couch while we wait. I absentmindedly graze the pads of my fingers up and down her arm. I've missed her being close and I still have this overwhelming guilt eating away at me.

It's your fault.

She needed you.

Now, she doesn't want you.

a/n: I'm working on like 4 ish hours of sleep... homegirl slept like shit last night and I forgot my night time meds. I'm a mess today.

I can't wait until my interview next week so I can start this new job soon. On a positive note, I'm having a mildly good day. I'm craving carbs though and my chunky butt is like 'do we really need them?' Hhhhhhh.

I love you bubbies 💕🥰💕