Love Like Her

Brother Knows Best

Song: Get You The Moon - Kina (feat. SNØW)

*Billie's POV*

I hadn't noticed that I had zoned out, staring off into space. I've been doing that a lot lately. Just staring out into the nothingness wondering what the fuck I did wrong.

"Billie!" My moms voice snaps me from my trance.

"Oh sorry." I mumble out as I stick my fork into one of the potatoes sitting on my plate. I feel hella awkward right now because everyone is staring at me.

"May I be excused?" I ask, not waiting for a reply. I get up from the dinner table and make my way to my childhood room, my parents never really changed it. I feel under the mattress and find my old sketchbook. I used to use this to vent in a way, but I haven't touched it in years. I sit on the floor and flip through the pages and see where my headspace was, dark, creepy, occasionally light. I find a blank page and click the end of the pen and press it to the page, letting it go where it wants to, making bold messy lines all over the page and scribbling a few sentences here and there.

I hear a knock on my door, so I mumble 'come in' and my brother joins me on the floor. "Talk to me." he says in a soft tone, nudging my shoulder with his.

I click the pen and close the book around it. "Talk about what. How I love my job but one fucking student is making me want to quit. How I don't wanna end up treating the girl I'm seeing the same way I treated..."

"Hayden... You do realize that even if you avoid saying her name, it doesn't mean that you get to avoid what happened between you two." He says as he fiddles with the end of his shoelace.

I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Believe me, I wish I wasn't constantly reminded of that. Violet found the pictures of me and Hayden when we were happy together, and I lied to her about it Finn." I confess, feeling guilty as hell.

Part of me doesn't want to open up and have her get to know how deep that dominant streak ran in me. Even if she said she could handle it, I don't know if I could fully give in and be myself. I destroyed one relationship with my need to be in control and I'm not about to fuck this one up. Although, with the lack of communication between us, I feel like it might be too late.

"Well that was a dumb move... based on her reaction at the party, she really likes you Bil and no one likes being lied to, so talk to her." He says before patting me on the knee and leaving me to mull over his advice.

B
-hey, hope your break is going well. miss your cute ass-

Oh that was cringey. Should I unsend that... I-... too late. She's already read it.

Vi 🤍
-it's good. miss you too-

Of course the short reply, why should I have expected anything different. I toss my phone and pick my sketchbook back up, continuing to draw. My mind continuing to wander, eventually settling on Violet again and again.

Part of me wanted to bend her over my lap and leave a pretty hand print on that ass cheek of hers for using my last name to address me. I was cold towards her and she deserves better. So why can't I seem to snap out of being a complete dick all the time.

I flip the page and start a new scribble this one having a different style than I'm used to.

~~~~

Oh fuck.

Why does that hurt?

I wake up at 4 am on the floor with a pen stabbing me in the ribs. I lift my head to see the end result of the drawing and I don't hate it. I snap a quick picture of it before going for a late night stroll to clear my head. The crisp night air feels good against my skin. My walk is interrupted by my phone vibrating.

"Hello?"

"Hey, it's Vi. Sorry I was a little busy earlier with my family."

I nervously chew on the inside of my lip. "It's fine, I kind of forgot it was thanksgiving day. Have you had a nice holiday?" I ask, trying to keep things light.

"Yeah, it's been good to see my brother. I've missed him."

I chuckle softly and kick some of the gravel at my feet. "Yeah I know the feeling."

"I'm sorry for leaving you in the dark about what was going on, I just needed to deal with some things but when I get back can we talk? Maybe over dinner?"

"Yeah sure. There's some stuff I wanna talk to you about too." I tell her.

"Perfect, can't wait. Anyways, I've gotta go. See you soon, love you, bye." she rushes out.

"I-...wait." I stammer out.

Before I can formulate a coherent thought, the line goes dead. Her words hit me like a truck and that scares me.

Am I capable of feeling that way?

Did she say it accidentally?

She probably thinks I don't care about her because I couldn't say it back.

Well fuck.

a/n: I don't really have any burning questions today, buuuuut I'm so down to answer any and all questions you guys have, so hit me.

Love you bubbies. 💕