Love Like Her

A Crack in the Wall

I take my time fixing Violet something to eat as she hops up on the counter and sits there watching me intently with her knees pulled to her chest.

"So... tell me about yourself." I say, breaking the silence as I pour batter into the pan.

"You've gotta be more specific than that Billie. Do you wanna know about my family? My job? My lack of friends here, or even better the lack of a will to live?" she says and I turn to look at her. Her eyes are wide from her last confession. "I didn't mean..."

"You did... and that's ok. You think I haven't had days where I thought it'd be better if I didn't exist at all? Because I guarantee you, I have." I try my best to empathize with her.

"I just- I sometimes get in a bad headspace that I can't get out of and in all transparency, I've been in it for years. Then..." she says trailing off.

I tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "Then what, babygirl?"

"I saw you. I saw you and I felt something. It scared me because I was afraid I didn't have any capacity to feel anything besides empty." she speaks with genuine sincerity.

It's in that moment that I realize the gravity of her mental state. She's the kind of girl who loves hard and with her whole heart. Once she's yours that's it, she doesn't even entertain the thought of someone else. She's the girl who gives so much more than she gets. She's the girl you fight for.

The sad part is, she doesn't know her self-worth. She doesn't know how genuinely amazing she can be. I plan on showing her what she deserves, or at least the best I can do. Because she deserves the world.

"What's so special about me?" I ask her, curiosity getting the better of me.

"A lot of things Billie... you're confident, you carry yourself in such a way that people can't help but stare at you, and you have this thing about you that I can't quite explain. It makes me nervous and intrigued me at the same time." she says furrowing her brows.

"I'm sorry that I make you nervous." I say biting the inside of my cheek.

She changes her position, letting herself relax and dangle her legs over the edge of the counter. "You make me nervous in a good way Billie." she says looking down with a blush tinting her cheeks.

I plate up the food and hand it to her. She takes a moment and just looks at it.

"Are you allergic to anything I made? Do you not like blackberries? I can fix you something other than pancakes." I stammer out, worried that I've royally fucked up.

She gives me a small smile. "I- noo. It's actually the opposite... my uh, my granddad used to make pancakes every morning I would stay over there. It didn't matter how early I got up, he would already be awake and ready to make me breakfast. The thing is, when I was a kid I didn't talk a whole lot, so most mornings he'd just tell me the different thing he did with making the batter that day, and then sit across from me and sip on his cup of coffee. This man was so extra that he warm my plate and syrup up before giving it to me so my pancakes never got cold. I just- it makes me think of a time when I was actually happy. So, thank you." she explains, before taking a forkful into her mouth and savoring the taste.

After hearing that, I wanna know more. I want to know the things that bring her joy. I want to know what makes her laugh so hard she cries. I want to know what challenges her and makes her think. I want to know what her favorite song to sing and dance to around the house when she thinks no one is paying attention. I want to know the little things that make her eyes light up when she talks about them. I want to know her. I want to know all of her.

Little did I know that with this small seemingly meaningless encounter, I had just made a small crack in her walls. I had no idea what I was getting myself into, or what I'd be getting her out of.

a/n: short ch, don't bite my head off. Honestly been hella stressed lately and needed to take a breather from writing. I'm going to slow down on the updates, not stop, just slow down. I felt pressure to keep you guys fed with chapters and it was talking a huge toll on my mental health, which honestly is my own fault. I'm not giving up on this book, I just need time to process and develop the story. I hope you guys understand my decision. If, for some reason that upsets you and you no longer want to read, that's ok, I totally understand and won't make anyone feel bad for giving up on me. Because some part of me already feels the same way. 🙃🔫 it's been one of those days where it's mentally exhausting... anyways.

Love you bubbies 💕