Love Like Her

*Love* Me Whole

*Violets POV*

Are you just gonna stare at me like you wanna kiss me, or are you actually gonna kiss me?

Just kiss me. Please.

My mind keeps reeling over everything that I should have said in that moment, but of course I'm an awkward human around her. Billie was very blunt in saying what she wanted, and that caught me off guard. I wasn't expecting her to be so, forward.

Instead, my anxiety got the best of me and I panicked, leaving her office in a rush. Fuck fuck fuck fuck, she's gonna hate me. I unlock the door to my dorm and press my back to the cool wood once I step inside. I let out a breath and compose myself, my mini meditation session interrupted by my phone buzzing in my pocket.

Bil
-you wanna tell me what spooked you?-

V
-no.-

Bil
-fair enough, if I made you uncomfortable I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-

V
-that's the thing, I wasn't uncomfortable. I was nervous-
-maybe a little...scared?-

Bil
-why scared? I'm just a person Violet-

V
-I was scared you'd say no-

Bil
-no to what?-

V
-I wanted you to kiss me...-

Fuck I want to unsend that... my finger hovers over the button, and then I see the bubbles that lets me know she's typing. I bite my thumb nail nervously. I really need to stop doing that.

Bil
-can I come get you?-
-so we can talk face to face, I promise I'll behave-

Oh, see that's the thing Billie... I never want to behave when I'm around you.

V
-sure-

So much for even coming to my dorm. I trot back outside and I see Billie walking lazily up the hill. For a second, I'm enamored by the confident beauty that she seems to radiate. She makes happiness look attainable.

"Do you wanna grab lunch?" she asks shoving her hands in her pockets. She's guarded...

"Sure, did you have anywhere in mind?"

She turns on her heel and starts to walk. "Follow me, I know a spot."

I shove my hands in the pocket of my hoodie and follow behind her, wondering where she's going. We end up in a back alley in front of a hole in the wall restaurant. Billie holds the door open for me and gestures for me to go inside. This place seems sketchy.

"Billie-" I start but she cuts me off.

"Just trust me, I wouldn't bring you somewhere without knowing it's hella good babygirl." she says with ease. I sigh and take a seat while Billie slides into the booth across from me. She props her chin against the palm of her hand and just grins at me. "Pick something to eat."

I take a look at the menu and settle on something light, I haven't had much of an appetite lately.

"So can we talk about why you bolted?" she pries once we've ordered.

I really don't wanna get into this right now, but she's not letting it go. "I was scared, I guess?"

"Why? I'm just a person Violet. To me, yes means yes and no means no. I'm not going to force you to do something you're not comfortable with. Will I push your boundaries? Hell yes I will. Make you uncomfortable? Not at all." she elaborates.

"No, no that's not what I meant. I get that you'll respect my decisions... I was scared to ask you for what I wanted, not because you would have said no, but because I was terrified you'd say yes." I tell her, suddenly taking an interest in how my hands are placed in my lap.

"That I'd say yes to kissing you, well of course I'd say yes to kissing you. Why does that scare you though? That doesn't make sense." she presses further.

I want her to stop and keep going. I want her to stop because I feel like I'm disclosing too much already, and I want her to keep going because she's asking all the right questions. "You seem to like me a lot Billie... and I'm not complaining about that in the slightest. I just- I've had people love me conditionally... I've had people love me for my body, for certain parts of my personality, for my sexual orientation... I've had people love parts of me, but not once have I had someone love ALL of me. I've never had someone love me wholly. You scare me, because when you give me 'that' look I feel exposed in a sense. It's like you can see all of me even though I'm fully clothed, which is part of the reason I panicked earlier..." I say trailing off.

I really didn't want to have this emotionally charged conversation today, but here it is.

"What's the other part of the reason?"

I run my fingers through my hair and bite the inside of my cheek. "I have a propensity to feel things very deeply. Fuck... I like you Billie. Probably a lot more than I should. I may even... nope. Nevermind."

"No, no. Finish your thought babygirl." Her tone almost a whisper, but full of boldness.

"I may even... more than like you." I confess my eyes locking with hers.

She cocks an eyebrow and a smirk tugs on one corner of her lips. "I may more than like you too Violet."

The rest of lunch is in a comfortable silence. That is, until Billie pulls out her phone and types away for a bit. She throws some cash on the table and grabs my hand.

"I- where are we going?" I ask her.

"We, are playing hooky. I canceled this afternoons lecture and told my students to do a two page write up on satiation in psychology. Because, I'm taking my girl to one of my favorite spots in the city." she explains with a cheeky grin before lightly biting her own lip.

My girl.

She called me 'my girl'.

a/n: hit me with your corniest joke! tell me something stupid funny!

How's your week been? Staying hydrated? Keep up the good work on taking care of yourselves, I lub you bubbies 💕