The Degradation (translation)

Chapter 13.3

Francois Mitterrand said: "The worst mistake is not the failure itself, but the inability to overcome it."I'm afraid of failure. I'm afraid that it won't work out and that I'll lose the small amount of self-confidence that came from him alone.

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Louis' pov

We've been dating for seven days. I don't think I'll ever get used to it. And I like it. I like to gradually realize. Yes, we're officially dating now, but if you think about it, it doesn't change anything. We are the same as before. I think about him when I wake up and when I go to bed. That will never change. Well, yes, I admit, I think about it during the day as well. I think about him all the time. And I like that, too. I never thought that by feeling something for another person, I would never be alone again. After all, even when he's not around, I still feel his presence. I'm never alone. I think of him, and I hope he thinks of me, too. It turns out that we are always together. We haven't seen much of each other this week. It's session time, and we both have a lot of work to do. We only saw each other twice, and then only briefly, between lectures. But we found a way out. When we're both sitting at our laptop, we turn on our webcams, sometimes we talk, and sometimes we just look at each other. I noticed, by the way, that when he reads, he can't stop chewing on the pen or twisting it between his fingers. Okay, his presence doesn't help me concentrate at all. But we don't care, because it's Friday, because tomorrow's the weekend, and we've given up on school for those two days. Because I'm with him now. I don't know if it's the fact that we haven't seen each other all week or not, but since I came to see him half an hour ago, our lips have barely left each other. And it doesn't cause me any, absolutely no inconvenience. Quite the opposite. I don't mind not seeing him for months if he kisses me like this every time I see him.

We lie on his bed and do nothing but that. We kiss again and again. And again. We restore our breath and start over. We kiss like a couple of teenagers who are alone for the first time in their lives. We roll in the middle of the bed. I turn from top to bottom. Our feet got tangled in the sheets, and we pushed Bastard off the bed several times. He sniffed and went to the far corner. He sits and looks at us with his head bowed. We don't care about that either. We don't care about anything. Everything but ourselves. It's the first time we've seen each other in a week, and even if it's not a long week... But no, one week without it is a very long time. For far too long. We stroke each other through our clothes, and we don't even have to get under them to feel each other. He's lying on top of me, between my legs, his hips resting on mine, and I can see that we're in the same position. It's nice to know that I have the same effect on him as he has on me. That we both feel the same way. We continue to roll, and even though his bed is huge, a few minutes later, we are... we find ourselves on the floor. Literally. We fall on the rug by the bed. He falls on his back and I'm on top of him, which softens the fall a little. But that doesn't stop us either. We continue to kiss, and I can feel him laughing against my lips. His hands were buried in my hair, and I put mine on either side of his face. And, of course, seeing us on the floor, Bastard doesn't waste a minute. He pounces on us, twirling his tail.

"Fuck off, Bastard."

We both push him away and start kissing again. If a year ago, someone told me that I would hear such a phrase while kissing a guy, I would have laughed in his face. And if I'd been told I'd meet a dog named Bastard, I'd have laughed even louder. And if I was also told that this dog would belong to my boyfriend, who called it that because he thought I was a bastard, then I would send him to a therapist in general... Now I can say with confidence that I will not change my place for anything in the world.

Okay, even though I wouldn't change my seat for anything, and that after half an hour I still want to kiss him, I'm still human. And a person needs oxygen. I try to break the kiss, but it's hard to do as he raises his face at the same time as mine. Finally, I turn my head, laughing.