The Degradation (translation)

He ruined everything

«I never wanted to lie to him. I didn't want to hide it. I just wasn't ready. He had no right to see it. I had no right to do that. He betrayed me.»

***
Louis' pov

3:00pm

When I opened my eyes, Harry was there. Not in bed, but here in the room. He was sitting at his desk, his back to me, writing something. When I saw that it was three o'clock in the afternoon, I realized that he had left in the middle of the night and returned before I woke up. But I don't care, he was right there, and it was really nice to see him when I opened my eyes. It was nice not to be alone. I got out of bed and walked over to him. He jumped as I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed the back of his head before resting my head on his shoulder.

"Good morning."

He closed his notebook and took the earpiece out of his ear, turning to me to sit on his lap.

"Did you sleep well?"

I nodded and buried my nose in his neck. I couldn't help but smile, knowing how nice it was to wake up like this. Sitting on his lap and listening to him breathe. He started writing again. I didn't even try to find out what it was. Rubbing my nose against the skin of his neck is much more interesting. I sat there, struggling to sleep, for about half an hour. I don't care if I just got up. It's impossible to be in his arms and not want to fall asleep in them. And I love being in his arms. Not even that... I need to be in them. I need to feel him, touch him. I feel good when I feel it. I feel safe, and most importantly, I know he's safe, too. I don't know how to explain it, but he is... Soothing. Despite the fact that he was writing something and I was literally sitting on it, he occasionally kissed my temple and stroked my hair. I know I should have gotten used to his tenderness by now, but I feel like I'm rediscovering it every time. And I really hope that after we wake up together, every morning will be like this.

With another yawn, I finally turned around to see what he was doing.

"What is it?"

I didn't try to read it, and he must have sensed it, because he finished writing the sentence and slowly closed the notebook. And I only then decided to consider it. It was an ordinary leather notebook with a lot of writing on the cover.

"This is my diary.

"You keep a diary?"

He looked down at me, nodding.

"Yes," and he covered my lips with his own before taking the bag from the bakery on the table. "I bought some pastries. I took a little of everything because I didn't know what you liked."

And we had breakfast in his room. I sat at my desk and watched funny videos on YouTube. And yes, let's pretend I wasn't the only one who found them funny. Well? I was always easy to laugh at. I think he likes it when I laugh. When I laugh, he smiles, and when he smiles, I want to laugh. Okay, I'll admit, maybe the reason I was laughing wasn't because some guy fell off his bike. So what? I wanted him to smile.

We ate our croissants and raisin bread, giving half to Bastard who was just waiting for it. And we kissed after every sip of tea. It was the best morning of my life. The best morning that started at three o'clock in the afternoon.

At six o'clock he left for the veterinary clinic. I wanted to break all the dishes in the house when I found out that he was even there on Sundays, but I didn't say anything. I know it means a lot to him, and he promised that he would try to get back early. I decided to use this time to go back to my room and clean up a bit. Put all your notebooks and notes in order before starting classes. The day was perfect. At least, it seemed so until exactly eight o'clock. Until I came across a piece of paper that I'd forgotten about long ago.