The Degradation (translation)

Chapter 36

Louis' pov

D-100

"That is known only to God, and it does not matter to me: the hour of my real death has already come, and what follows concerns not me, but another. Now, putting down my pen, I will seal my confession, and this will end the life of the ill-fated Henry Jekyll."

I close the book before looking up at the inscription with his name on the tombstone. At him.

"Well, Harry, I've finished reading the book. I couldn't leave without completing it. I hope you heard the end. I never thought this story would end like this. I didn't think of us. When you put an end to your life, you did the same for mine. I tried to live without you, I really tried, for 100 days I searched my heart for a thousand and one reasons to stay. And I couldn't find it. You know, before I met you, I used to bully couples in love all the time. I thought it was impossible to love a person more than yourself. I was wrong. I loved you more than I ever loved myself. I loved you more than my life. You were the center of my universe, my reason for living. I lived for you.

You made me a better person, you showed me what real life is, with its ups and downs. You taught me how to live. You gave me a family. I can't thank you enough for everything you've given me. You taught me to dream, Harry. You were my future, I wanted to die with you. I blame myself, you know? I believe I couldn't prove to you how important you were to me. Maybe if I proved it to you, you'd still be here. Maybe you'd understand that I could never live without you. You're my half, we can't live without our half. The void has become so big that I can't take it anymore. I would like to give you a beautiful speech, but I don't have the strength. I lived 100 days, I did it for you. I think that was the last tribute I wanted to do for you. It all started with counting, and it will all end with counting."

In one hand I hold a book, and with the other I pick up a flower from the ground, which I brought on arrival.

"I brought you a white rose. I don't know what the point is, but when I saw her in the garden this morning, I immediately thought of you. You were too pure for this world, Harry, just as fragile. Will you wait for me? I'm terrified, but I know you'll be there. You'll be waiting."

I put a rose in among all the other flowers that cover his grave.

"I'll see you soon, my love."

I whisper, gently stroking the marble that bears his name, before getting up and leaving the cemetery.

***

I park on the opposite side. This time I'm not afraid to cross the road. I know that on the other side there will be an end to my suffering and torment. Every step I take brings me closer to him. This flaw that I feel will soon be extinguished. I do not know if there is a heaven, but even hell is better than life without him.

«Don't jump, I love you.»

The inscription is still there, no one has erased it. I put my hands on either side. I'm starting to climb. I'm not afraid to lose my balance, I'm not afraid to fall. I've already fallen. The day he left.

As I stand on the bridge, I hear the hum of cars behind me. I close my eyes and hold out my hands. I'm not afraid anymore.

"I know you're there."

I know, I know that somewhere out there, he's waiting for me. My life here is over. I let myself fall into a void of happiness and peace, I'm going to find it. We will finally be reunited to be together forever.

***

«Love is eternal, because when we die, we still experience it. It's our souls that love, not our bodies.» - Victor Hugo.