The Degradation (translation)

Chapter 35

Louis' pov

D-15

✉ I don't know how to tell you this, but there was a fire at the veterinary clinic yesterday. Carla called me this morning. She was on duty. It was not possible to save the animals. I'm so sorry. You see, since you left, the whole world is falling apart.

D-11

✉ I can't do this, Harry. I need to know why you did this. I have to understand. You had no right to leave without giving me an explanation, you had no right to leave me. I'd like to know where you are now, if you can see me. Do you regret what you did? I miss you so much. Do you regret it? I wonder because I don't know if it was an accident. You seemed too happy to want to die again. We had dreams. You could never have done it. I saw you balancing on the bridge. You couldn't have done it. You didn't fall, did you? Did you jump voluntarily? Why, Harry? Why did you do that?

D-9

✉ I know I've lost count, but I need to talk to you. I need it all the time. I feel lonely, Harry. Is that how you felt when you first sent me an email? I can't help but compare myself to you. I wonder if you felt the same way after Samantha died. I have so many questions in my head, too many. It's so hard for me to think about it all the time. It's exhausting. I'm exhausted. I'm tired of everything.

D-7

✉ I'm sorry I ruined your room.

D-5

✉ I can't take it anymore, Harry. I can't take it anymore. I don't have the strength anymore, do you understand? I don't have the strength anymore. What should I do? How should I continue to live? Can you imagine how I feel? You're everything to me, Harry.

D-3

✉ What would you do if you had 100 days to live? Your question is spinning in my head. "I would live, I would try to live" was my answer, but now I realize how stupid he was. I didn't know who you were, I didn't know what was going on in your life. I didn't know why you sent this question to me. I still don't understand. You wanted to die. You wanted to die from the start, but I extended your life by a small chunk of time. Now I understand. In three days, it will be over. No one can save me. You were the only one for me, and you always will be.

D-2

✉ See, I don't forget to send you a countdown. Even though I didn't start right away. But I haven't missed a day since I started. It is important.

D-1

✉ I couldn't save you, I'm sorry I couldn't.

***

«We first understand death only when it takes away the person we love.»