The Degradation (translation)

Mistake

Louis' pov

I never thought we'd fight over such nonsense. For God's sake, we yelled at each other over spaghetti. Fucking spaghetti. This is ridiculous. So ridiculous that I might have laughed if Harry had answered my calls. All the way in the car, I mentally continued the argument and cursed him with all possible words, until I realized how stupid we looked from the outside, and all the anger immediately evaporated. I called him right away because I didn't want us to get into a fight over such a small matter. Except he didn't answer any calls or text messages. Even my emails.

"Come on, pick up the phone..."

The answering machine again. This is the fifteenth time I've called. The more time passes, the more I start to worry. A kind of bad feeling settles in my chest and seems to prevent me from breathing normally.

"Harry, come on..."

The answering machine is back. I grab my keys and a second later I'm behind the wheel of the car. Something's wrong. Something is so wrong that I want to hide under the covers and not get out until this terrible feeling disappears and frees my lungs.

I don't even pull out the ignition keys or close the car door, just run out of it and up the stairs. As soon as I open the glass door, my throat starts to tickle, and I open my mouth like a fish, trying to breathe, but the air seems to refuse to get into my lungs. It's not like that in the room. It's just not like that. It smells like alcohol, and I can hear Bastard whining in the dressing room. He never closes it. I stumble over an empty bottle of vodka and it slowly rolls under the table, on which there are still traces of white powder. Stop. Breathe. I take another step and freeze in place. He's here. Here.

Lying on the floor. There's blood on the floor, lots of it. My head is spinning. His wrists are dripping with blood, and the carpet is stained. I think I'm screaming. I think I'm going to die. I don't understand anything, my head is spinning. I rush to him.

"Harry!"

I'm crying. Or maybe it's just blurred. I put his head in my lap and grab his wrists as if to stop the blood. Stop it. Someone please make this nightmare end. That's enough.

"HARRY!"  my voice breaks. This can't be happening. I shake him as hard as I can. "WHAT DID YOU DO?! HARRY?"

Now I'm literally yelling. I even begin to pray. I don't know who, I'm an atheist, but I pray so loudly that even those who shouldn't hear can hear. Blood stains my palms, but I only press harder on his wrists. I don't know how much time passes, it's like I'm not here. I just repeat his name hysterically.

"Get him out of here!"

An ambulance. I feel myself being pulled back, but I can't leave him. How could he be without me? What's going on...

"No... no! Let me go! Harry!"

But I am pinned to the floor and not allowed to move.

"Calm down, everything will be fine. We'll take care of him."

I can't see much because of the tears. There are a lot of people in the room, all around Harry. It's noisy in here, and I have a headache. I try to wipe away my tears and just smear the blood on my face.

"I have.. I have blood on my hands."

My voice is shaking. I'm not even sure I'm conscious, just mumbling something unintelligible. I try to wipe my hands on my sweater, but it's covered in blood, too. I'm covered in blood. I'm going to go crazy.

"Breathe. Count to ten."

"His blood... I... I'm covered in his blood."

How can I calm down? How can I count to ten? I'm not even sure I can count at all. I try again to push away the man who's holding me, but I just don't have the strength. Too much blood. His blood. A man shouts that I need an oxygen mask. But I don't need their mask.

"Harry!"

Too much blood. They put a mask on my face and make me sit up.

"Breathe."

I don't want.

"Harry..."

One man passes a syringe to another and I get an injection. I try to say something, but my eyelids are getting heavy and I just can't open my eyes. I lie down on the floor. I mean, someone's pushing me. I don't want to sleep. The crowd stumbles a little, and I catch a glimpse of his face. Harry... I get up on my elbow, but immediately fall back. He also has a mask on his face. I reach out to him. Everything is spinning. Rescuers run around him.

"Pulse is weak! Stretcher, hurry!"

Stretcher, yes, help him. I see his body being lifted and a lot of people running out of the room. There is only darkness before my eyes. I think I'm passing out.