The Degradation (translation)

Chapter 27

Louis' pov

Unbearable. It's been a week since Harry's arrival, and it's unbearable. And that's the best word I can think of. The word disgusting is probably a better fit. He's always in a bad mood, and he snaps at everyone. At me, at his father, even at Manuel, although he had always treated him with great respect before. I've never seen him talk to anyone louder than they tell him. Even Bastard got his own. For the first few days, he ignored me, well, pushed me away. He refuses any physical contact with anyone. Even when Bastard is around, Harry doesn't pet him. And when I try to tell him something, he always finds a way to deviate from our conversation. Except for the night. Only at night can I get close to him and have any contact. After checking all the doors, he lies down on the bed and hands me a piece of cloth that I use to tie our wrists. Then he snuggles up to me. All this takes place in complete silence. Even if he doesn't speak, I feel like he's a little bit the same Harry I know, not someone who spends his days thinking against everything and everyone, all the time. When he's not busy, he always writes something down. He writes and writes and writes. This is the first time I want to take his diary and read it to find out what's going on in his head. I'm sure he's writing something important down there, but I don't like the fact that the diary knows about it, but not me.

Well, to sum up, I can say for sure that Harry's life is very difficult right now. I don't know what makes him so sad, but I can see in his eyes that he can't control it. Yesterday I exploded and couldn't contain myself. I asked him again if he would like me to bring Hope from Carla, but he said no again, coldly and sharply, without any explanation. At the time of discharge, he also refused that I would take Hope, and I did not understand this, because he was attached to this dog. Deep down, he wanted her back, but I didn't understand his reaction. It cracked.

FLASH BACK

9:00pm. I lie in bed with my laptop in my hands while Harry writes something in his diary. I go to the college website to send a countdown of days. 251. Since his release from the hospital, I have stopped writing them down in a small black notebook to resume our habits, even if the notebook remains in his nightstand. When I hear him whisper, I look in his direction, but he's not talking to me, he's sitting with his back to me. He speaks to himself, his words are incomprehensible. I doubt I would have understood them even if I'd been standing right in front of him. I'm silent for a few seconds after he mutters, but then I decide to ask.

"Would you like me to pick up Hope tomorrow?"

I see him tense up and stop writing.

"No."

His tone is very cold and hard.

"Why not?"

I try to speak softly.

"Leave me alone."

I get out of bed and go to him.

"Harry, I know you want me to take Hope. So let me go get her." It's so frustrating and unfair, moreover, I feel like I'm starting to lose my patience. "You don't have to talk to me like that."

"If you'd stopped insisting, I wouldn't have talked to you like that."

He doesn't look at me and is still looking at his diary. It annoys me, I feel angry.

"If you'd told me why, I wouldn't have insisted."

"You know why."

"No! I don't know."

And he ignores me again.

"Harry?"

Nothing.

"Harry."